Friday, March 27, 2009

The L-word

I have been recently e-mailing with an internet friend - we connected through each other's blogs. And have also exchanged off-blog e-mails, since we have some circumstances in common.

Anyway, we had a discussion about being the first to say the L-word. (Just typing this in, makes me realize how we shy away from that word at all!) I think, in many relationships, some of which were long-term, some not, I only ONCE said "I love you" first - and that was over 40 years ago!

Now, I don't know about you, but my heart is usually in WAY over its head (okay, I know that is a bad phrase, but you know what I mean here), before I can muster up the words. Sometimes it is too late, by the time I have even considered blurting it out. And I am not very liberal in using the phrase, let me tell you. After you have said it, there is NO retrieving it. In for a penny, in for a pound. (Okay, I'm not sure what THAT means, either.)

So I thought I would throw this out there for the readers (yes, BOTH of you). What has been your own experience, in saying and/or hearing "I love you?" for the first time, with someone you are drawn to? And how did this phrase affect the relationship, after it was said out loud?

That's it. After these many lengthy posts, be grateful that I can actually post a short-y version!


The Retired One said...

Interesting discussion.
As you know, I have been in a long-term relationship for 36+ years...but I did have some experiences before this one! I think I was first to say it in this relationship, and it was in the middle of a silly fight. (Funny now, but it wasn't then). I think I blurted out: "But, I love you!"in the midst of this fight. I think I shocked him, and he didn't reply to it at first (which hurt). But when we got passed the silly disagreement, he said it to me, shortly after, and the rest is history. Now, we say it several times a day.
Interestingly enough, I have had a man tell me this after I was married, and I had no idea he felt that way. Now THAT was very awkward.
Of course I could not return that phrase to him. In fact, I was so shocked, I replied: "WHAAAT did you say?"...I am sure he felt humiliated, and I was at a loss of what to do. I never told my husband of this, as it would make it awkward if we ran into the person socially again.
People's hearts and heads are often on different wavelengths at different times in their lives...the amazing trick is to both feel the same way, at the same time, and both be ready to say it at the same time.

Janine Eggers (txmomx6) said...

I'm only posting to say that I have no experience on this front.
Jim was my first love .... and I was his. Neither of us had ever said it to anyone else.
He said it first and as soon as he said it I knew, without a doubt, that I loved him, too ..... and said it.
That's all.
So I'm curious to see what everyone else puts.
Interesting topic!

jessica said...

Well, geezzz... I guess I thought that others would have faced this dilemma other than with their long-time mate/spouse. So much for picking what I thought might be an interesting topic. And the funny thing is, I don't remember AT ALL which of us (myself or spouse) in either of my marriages, was the first to say "love you". Wonder why that was? Selective memory, or just damn POOR memory, overall?

jessica said...

I did get input for this post, from a gal-friend. She said her husband told her that he loved her, in the middle of falling snow in New York City (her hometown) while they were crossing a very busy street. She was taken aback and said something like, "Are you trying to get us killed?!" She was only about 19 and they were married in less than a year after that. I think that sounds very romantic - falling snow, and it just puts her man in a romantic frame of mind... Sigh....

The Retired One said...

Stop by my blog, you have won an award!!!

Anonymous said...

I want my next someone special to tell me the L word first.

Mary said...

I married late in life, so I have faced this dilemma, Jessica. Even if I felt the L-word, I never was the first to say it. Until Michael - my dear late husband. For some reason I felt safe expressing the feeling to him. I guess, instinctively, I knew that he would take care of my heart.

Before we started dating, we had hours long conversations on the phone. In the middle of one of those conversations, I told him I loved him.

He was one of those rare men that had no problem telling everyone that he loved them: me, his family, his friends. He didn't want to have any regrets.