Well, I am nearing the end of my visit back to Cold Country, and damn.... I don't know how my Texas-acclimated body will adjust to living in this weather again. I think I may be a winter Texan - A LOT. I'll spend time up here in the spring/summer/early fall, then go back to warmer climates, returning only for a courtesy visit over the holidays.
Lots of fodder for the blog. Not a lot of it pertaining to "warm and fuzzy" stuff. I do envy those of you who have a great relationship with your mothers. Me, not so much. I can only say that I stayed with her 8 days (and nights) and it was a very stressful time. Much easier to chat with her by telephone than to be up close and personal, if you get my drift. My dear mother is 81 and keeps saying that she's gonna live until 104 (one of her grandfathers was that age when he died). And my sister confided in me - "I can't take 23 more years of this." Somehow, my mother has turned into this carping, complaining, critical old lady. Very judgemental - VERY - and of course, freely shares these judgements with me, my sis, whoever.
On the plus side - I did talk her into a humidifier (her apt. is like Death Valley, for humidity), a floor lamp, and a new box springs and mattress (which I told her I would pay for). Re: mattress -- my back was KILLING me after many days on that thing. Neither my sis nor I can recall it ever being replaced - AND I slept on the side of the bed which my much-heavier father slept on for lo, those many years. So... she assures me that she'll buy a new set today (Monday). I think she is afraid that I will not visit her again if she keeps the old one - and she is correct.
I am typing this on my brother-in-law's desktop in his basement and it is COLD in here. My Reynaud's syndrome is about ready to shut down my fingers (they get white and numb in the cold weather). So I'll cut this off and let you all know that yes, Virginia, I DID have a white (and COLD) Christmas this year. Lovely to look at, nasty to shiver in...
Later....
Monday, December 29, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Quick update
Hi, all!
Up here in the Great White North Country. Freezing my ta-ta's off, although, by Minnesota standards this is quite reasonable. It's 13 above zero - yes, that IS below freezing. But hey! Above zero is okay, in this part of the country at this time of year. Back in Texas, if this was the weather, we would probably be shutting the entire state down!
Definitely having a white Christmas - ground is frozen and fresh snow has been falling fairly frequently, just dusting off the earlier accumulations. It gives the snow a fresh, clean look.
Having to get used to driving in this stuff again... I am probably more timid than I would have been years ago. Got a 4-wheel-drive vehicle at Hertz, and I could not have been happier about that. Uses more petrol - but that's a sacrifice that I am willing to make (for my safety - but more importantly, for the safety of the other innocents who are driving alongside me!).
Anyway, just wanted to say that I am here, not liking the cold, but toughing it out. We may get some nasty weather and that may impact tomorrow's (Sunday's) plans. If it gets as nasty as the weather folks are hinting at, we will NOT be going to Duluth to gather with my cousins. And I will definitely NOT be driving to the Cities (Minneapolis-St.Paul, to you outsiders)later that same day.
Low-key days, unusual for this working stiff, but I think I can adjust. Hopefully, I won't go stir-crazy. Trying to keep occupied with my mom - we have a jigsaw puzzle to take up some of the time.
Gotta go shopping for some boots to replace this pair that I am wearing. The sole is separating from the main part of the boot! I have had the pair (which look like new) for many years - and of course, the boots haven't had much wear over the years. So I'll have to replace 'em. Wish me luck on finding some...
I'll try to post later. Not having easy access to a pc can be a killer!
-- Merry Christmas, if I don't post before then!
Up here in the Great White North Country. Freezing my ta-ta's off, although, by Minnesota standards this is quite reasonable. It's 13 above zero - yes, that IS below freezing. But hey! Above zero is okay, in this part of the country at this time of year. Back in Texas, if this was the weather, we would probably be shutting the entire state down!
Definitely having a white Christmas - ground is frozen and fresh snow has been falling fairly frequently, just dusting off the earlier accumulations. It gives the snow a fresh, clean look.
Having to get used to driving in this stuff again... I am probably more timid than I would have been years ago. Got a 4-wheel-drive vehicle at Hertz, and I could not have been happier about that. Uses more petrol - but that's a sacrifice that I am willing to make (for my safety - but more importantly, for the safety of the other innocents who are driving alongside me!).
Anyway, just wanted to say that I am here, not liking the cold, but toughing it out. We may get some nasty weather and that may impact tomorrow's (Sunday's) plans. If it gets as nasty as the weather folks are hinting at, we will NOT be going to Duluth to gather with my cousins. And I will definitely NOT be driving to the Cities (Minneapolis-St.Paul, to you outsiders)later that same day.
Low-key days, unusual for this working stiff, but I think I can adjust. Hopefully, I won't go stir-crazy. Trying to keep occupied with my mom - we have a jigsaw puzzle to take up some of the time.
Gotta go shopping for some boots to replace this pair that I am wearing. The sole is separating from the main part of the boot! I have had the pair (which look like new) for many years - and of course, the boots haven't had much wear over the years. So I'll have to replace 'em. Wish me luck on finding some...
I'll try to post later. Not having easy access to a pc can be a killer!
-- Merry Christmas, if I don't post before then!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
No ho-ho-ho
For obvious reasons, this is not gonna be a merry Christmas for me. I am trying, though, I really am.
I had already decided that I would not, could not decorate this year. It was too much of a WE thing, something that we always did together. So… not. this. year. But last weekend, I had an urge to listen to Christmas cd’s. We have (I am guessing) about a dozen or so. And I could not find them. Could not find them – anywhere. I had assumed that they would be with the rest of the cd’s – wrong. I was all over the place in that house – both floors, all kinds of places where I thought they might be stashed. Nothing.
I reached the point where I was exhausted/frustrated from all the searching-and-not-finding. And I lost it, dissolved in tears. All I wanted was some Christmas music. Was that asking too much? Apparently. After reflection, I thought that Mr. Organized (aka Greg) had probably packed them up with the Christmas decorations that I am NOT unpacking this year. And maybe there will be a happy reuniting of me and said music another time. Maybe he just could not stand another year of hearing me caterwauling along with the music, even given the distance now separating us. He always knew how much I liked music, and even more so if I could sing along when the lyrics were familiar.
On a related holiday note: I decided that I would send out Christmas cards this year. I always like receiving them – particularly if the sender(s) have included some kind of family/personal update on the year just passed. I composed a letter and printed out several copies of same. Brought the copies home, then (next day) re-read what I had written. I cannot in good conscience send those out. Too much of a downer for folks, even if it reflects my mood (at that time). So I’ll try to write an upbeat letter, somehow. Most of the folks on the card list know what happened, and for the one or two that do not… I’ll try to be gentle.
The struggle goes on, and those who are walking in these same shoes, know just what I am experiencing. Only for me, this is the first time – this Christmastime – that I am really feeling the depths of doing this alone, when so many have family or a spouse or a significant other (how DID we ever start using that phrase, anyway?).
Hug someone you love today.
I had already decided that I would not, could not decorate this year. It was too much of a WE thing, something that we always did together. So… not. this. year. But last weekend, I had an urge to listen to Christmas cd’s. We have (I am guessing) about a dozen or so. And I could not find them. Could not find them – anywhere. I had assumed that they would be with the rest of the cd’s – wrong. I was all over the place in that house – both floors, all kinds of places where I thought they might be stashed. Nothing.
I reached the point where I was exhausted/frustrated from all the searching-and-not-finding. And I lost it, dissolved in tears. All I wanted was some Christmas music. Was that asking too much? Apparently. After reflection, I thought that Mr. Organized (aka Greg) had probably packed them up with the Christmas decorations that I am NOT unpacking this year. And maybe there will be a happy reuniting of me and said music another time. Maybe he just could not stand another year of hearing me caterwauling along with the music, even given the distance now separating us. He always knew how much I liked music, and even more so if I could sing along when the lyrics were familiar.
On a related holiday note: I decided that I would send out Christmas cards this year. I always like receiving them – particularly if the sender(s) have included some kind of family/personal update on the year just passed. I composed a letter and printed out several copies of same. Brought the copies home, then (next day) re-read what I had written. I cannot in good conscience send those out. Too much of a downer for folks, even if it reflects my mood (at that time). So I’ll try to write an upbeat letter, somehow. Most of the folks on the card list know what happened, and for the one or two that do not… I’ll try to be gentle.
The struggle goes on, and those who are walking in these same shoes, know just what I am experiencing. Only for me, this is the first time – this Christmastime – that I am really feeling the depths of doing this alone, when so many have family or a spouse or a significant other (how DID we ever start using that phrase, anyway?).
Hug someone you love today.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Moving forward after Bird-Day
So... another "first". I am getting so tired of these. But there they are. Only two more to go: Christmas and New Year's Eve/Day. We won't discuss 2009 yet.
Thanksgiving was fine. I was with friends, weather was great (close to 80 on Thursday), and the deep-fried turkey was great! Love it!! Had the traditional dishes, except for mashed potatoes. And let me tell you, a day without pie is... GREAT! Since I never (okay, rarely) have pie, it was at first a treat. Eventually, it felt like a prison sentence that HAS to be completed. I copped out with just a small portion for take-home and I am thankful that I did not bring a bigger cooler with me and thus could NOT take home any more than that little bit. The turkey carcass (destined for soup stock) took up too much room!
My Wimberley friends have goats on their property (referred to as a "ranch" in Texas) which they raise for meat (they don't do the prep work - they will truck off several of them to auction from time to time). It was baby-poppin' time, and those little guys and gals (called kids) and all their bah-ahh-ing for mommies was cute to see and hear. Four of 'em needed bottle-feeding, as either they were offspring of a mama who has since died, or of a mama who would not let them feed. So-o-o, four times a day, a bottle was prepared for each, and we would walk into the holding pen and feed 'em. I somehow managed to miss that 7 am feeding, but was there for the noon, 5 pm and 10 pm ones. The first bottle that was produced was attacked by one kid, with 3 others trying to grab it, too. So you literally had to grab one by the head and practically shove the bottle in its mouth, to break up the mob. They made short work of the bottle, I can attest!
Anyway, the weather was cooperative, and the last two days were cooler, but tolerable. Traffic was HEAVY on the way back to Houston, including a half-hour slowdown that was caused by rubber-necking at a minor accident on the opposite side of the interstate. Puh-leez. Since most of us were probably heading back to Houston and had seen our fair share of accidents over the years... what was so damned fascinating about THIS accident? Jeesh.
My W/W group has its monthly dinner this Saturday, and since A is going (she went to the church bazaar the weekend before Thanksgiving), I guess I will go. That creepy "assistant organizer" is going, too. Need to avoid HIS end of the table, for sure. Plus G, along with her boyfriend. So far, it seems like a small group will attend. That could mean an early exit me. I don't want to listen to B complain about how "we don't ever get over it". I want to shout, "Speak for yourself!" It is a journey, this grief, this loss. But we WANT to heal, and still remember the times spent with our spouses, the good and the bad. It is a journey, there is no doubt.
My Christmas will be quite subdued. No decorations. Greg and I always put up the tree together and also decorated it (and the house) together. He had a good eye for these things. I have been trying, in my mind, to write a brief letter to include with cards this year. Almost everyone has heard the bad news, and I cannot think of one (on the card list) who has not. I am sure that some will fall off the card list, thinking that the only reason they were comminicating was because of Greg - and not knowing that I addressed the cards and composed most of the letter. Last night I was thinking - I got lots and lots of cards from MY friends, but very few from his. His family has been very attentive to me (okay, except his brother, but that is HIM, not me) and were great to visit with this past summer. The guy who surprised me, who sent me (out of the blue) Greg's certificate for induction into the Mid-America Music Hall of Fame, was a former bandmate of his. His income had been pretty stretched, and still he sent me money and a nice note. Greg would be happy about that. Not for the money - but for the thoughtfulness. I need to try to see him on one of my trips to Mpls.
Need to try to get a package mailed up to MN before I head up that way myself. Greg's sweaters would probably find a better use in northern climates rather than in Houston weather. Nice sweaters, too, and in good condition. Maybe a Christmas gift for someone who can't afford much but will shop at Goodwill. Hope that is the case.
I have already received a few cards - on Thanksgiving and one Christmas card - telling me that these holidays will probably be pretty lonely ones for me. Well, way to pump up the spirits of the widow, folks! Come on... please just wish me a Merry Christmas and tell me that your thoughts will be with me, or something along that line. Or would you rather have me collapsed in tears most days?
Okay, okay.... I'll calm down. But if you ever find yourself thinking about what to write on a card to a widow (or widower) for the holidays, think about the wording, eh? I'm just saying.
Thanksgiving was fine. I was with friends, weather was great (close to 80 on Thursday), and the deep-fried turkey was great! Love it!! Had the traditional dishes, except for mashed potatoes. And let me tell you, a day without pie is... GREAT! Since I never (okay, rarely) have pie, it was at first a treat. Eventually, it felt like a prison sentence that HAS to be completed. I copped out with just a small portion for take-home and I am thankful that I did not bring a bigger cooler with me and thus could NOT take home any more than that little bit. The turkey carcass (destined for soup stock) took up too much room!
My Wimberley friends have goats on their property (referred to as a "ranch" in Texas) which they raise for meat (they don't do the prep work - they will truck off several of them to auction from time to time). It was baby-poppin' time, and those little guys and gals (called kids) and all their bah-ahh-ing for mommies was cute to see and hear. Four of 'em needed bottle-feeding, as either they were offspring of a mama who has since died, or of a mama who would not let them feed. So-o-o, four times a day, a bottle was prepared for each, and we would walk into the holding pen and feed 'em. I somehow managed to miss that 7 am feeding, but was there for the noon, 5 pm and 10 pm ones. The first bottle that was produced was attacked by one kid, with 3 others trying to grab it, too. So you literally had to grab one by the head and practically shove the bottle in its mouth, to break up the mob. They made short work of the bottle, I can attest!
Anyway, the weather was cooperative, and the last two days were cooler, but tolerable. Traffic was HEAVY on the way back to Houston, including a half-hour slowdown that was caused by rubber-necking at a minor accident on the opposite side of the interstate. Puh-leez. Since most of us were probably heading back to Houston and had seen our fair share of accidents over the years... what was so damned fascinating about THIS accident? Jeesh.
My W/W group has its monthly dinner this Saturday, and since A is going (she went to the church bazaar the weekend before Thanksgiving), I guess I will go. That creepy "assistant organizer" is going, too. Need to avoid HIS end of the table, for sure. Plus G, along with her boyfriend. So far, it seems like a small group will attend. That could mean an early exit me. I don't want to listen to B complain about how "we don't ever get over it". I want to shout, "Speak for yourself!" It is a journey, this grief, this loss. But we WANT to heal, and still remember the times spent with our spouses, the good and the bad. It is a journey, there is no doubt.
My Christmas will be quite subdued. No decorations. Greg and I always put up the tree together and also decorated it (and the house) together. He had a good eye for these things. I have been trying, in my mind, to write a brief letter to include with cards this year. Almost everyone has heard the bad news, and I cannot think of one (on the card list) who has not. I am sure that some will fall off the card list, thinking that the only reason they were comminicating was because of Greg - and not knowing that I addressed the cards and composed most of the letter. Last night I was thinking - I got lots and lots of cards from MY friends, but very few from his. His family has been very attentive to me (okay, except his brother, but that is HIM, not me) and were great to visit with this past summer. The guy who surprised me, who sent me (out of the blue) Greg's certificate for induction into the Mid-America Music Hall of Fame, was a former bandmate of his. His income had been pretty stretched, and still he sent me money and a nice note. Greg would be happy about that. Not for the money - but for the thoughtfulness. I need to try to see him on one of my trips to Mpls.
Need to try to get a package mailed up to MN before I head up that way myself. Greg's sweaters would probably find a better use in northern climates rather than in Houston weather. Nice sweaters, too, and in good condition. Maybe a Christmas gift for someone who can't afford much but will shop at Goodwill. Hope that is the case.
I have already received a few cards - on Thanksgiving and one Christmas card - telling me that these holidays will probably be pretty lonely ones for me. Well, way to pump up the spirits of the widow, folks! Come on... please just wish me a Merry Christmas and tell me that your thoughts will be with me, or something along that line. Or would you rather have me collapsed in tears most days?
Okay, okay.... I'll calm down. But if you ever find yourself thinking about what to write on a card to a widow (or widower) for the holidays, think about the wording, eh? I'm just saying.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Pre-Thanksgiving post
Well, here it is, the day before Bird-Day. I will be heading to the Texas Hill Country on Thursday morning, having been invited by my good and supportive friends to spend some days with them. They are one couple who has NOT discouraged my contact or involvement. The wife knows that I am NOT after her husband, and I consider her to be my very closest friend here in Texas. And he is up there with her, in support and friendship. And they both like wine!
Last weekend: Friday evening, after my return from work, I was busy. Finally decided what I would bake for the church bazaar. This bazaar is always on the weekend before Thanksgiving, and there is a tea room as part of it all. You can buy a cup of coffee or tea and a single-serving of some nice baked products - for example, I saw a wonderful red velvet cake and also rosettes - and then eat that there. Also, church members bake and contribute goodies for sale to the public. So I made two 8 x 8 sized pans of triple-layer peanut butter brownies. But not just any brownies - I make these with the Ghiradelli brand brownies, and they are to die for. After the brownies cool, you make up one batch of instant vanilla pudding, using only half the milk usually called for. And you blend in a cup of peanut butter plus a cup of powdered milk with the pudding. Spread that on top of the cooled brownies (the peanut-butter pudding combo is enough for the 2 pans). Then melt 3 squares of semi-sweet baking chocolate with (approx) half of a container of Cool Whip (unthawed, to start with). Stir the Cool Whip and chocolate together, then spread thinly on top of the peanut-butter layer. Refrigerate until shortly before serving. Yummmm..... They put a price tag of $12 on each pan, and they both were sold before too long. So I feel like I at least contributed something to the church bazaar. I just couldn't bring myself to sign up for working at any of the areas where they needed help. Maybe next year - if I am still in Houston at that time.
Two of the women I met at the Widows group, came to the bazaar, too. We met, browsed and shopped, then went to lunch together. I had met these 2 the night of Greg's birthday, which was coincidentally another W/W meeting-dinner. A and E are fun, close to my age, and E brought her sister-in-law, who matched wits with us over lunch. Fun group to talk with and laugh with. We had (the widows) all, separately, come to the same conclusions about a few who are in the W/W group. And we may start to back away from that group and "do our own thing" in our portion of suburbs. The organizer of the group seems hell-bent on dragging her "boyfriend" (also widowed) with her to all the meetings now, kind of (IMHO and shared by the other two women) in a "look what I have and you don't" way. I am happy for her... BUT. It seems like such a juvenile approach, sort of an attempt at one-upsmanship. Maybe we are ALL wrong about this. And we all think the assistant organizer, B, is off-balance. His wife has been dead about 2 years, he can't forgive the guy who caused the traffic accident resulting in her death, and his 26-yr-old unemployed son lives at home with his dad and stays in his room. Weird. And I think he "likes" me - the others share that viewpoint too - and I try to say snippy little comebacks to him, to discourage him. I don't think that he "gets" that, either. If you saw the guy, you would realize that there is NO way in hell that he would be on my "dance card", so to speak.
We got to discussing cruises - these women have gone on several, me: none - and they said that if we all go, the 3rd person signing up goes for free. So we could split the cost of 2 tickets, by 3. Sounds like a good proposal. I am just hangin' back on this, to see if they decide to plan a cruise. I don't know: 3 middle-aged women on a cruise sounds like the plot for a sit-com. And I don't want to find a cabin steward as my "dream date", either!
Anyway, it was nice to have a week that didn't involve family occasions to bring sadness. There was another family death, but it was a cousin that I have never met (long family story behind that). Still, sad to lose another family member. I will probably send sympathy cards to some of his family. I am in touch with this cousin's surviving brother and sister-in-law, but have not met them, either. Meeting this couple IS in my plans, and I hope to do this soon after returning (permanently) to MN.
So... I am thankful for family and friends. And for (most) co-workers. I am thankful that I will receive a pension (for which I have not had to contribute one dime) and also social security, when the time comes. And I have faith (or maybe misplaced confidence) that my deferred compensation (457b plan) will come back in value, and I am still buying - buy low, they say - and I am grateful that I do NOT need this money right now. My biggest thanks goes to my late husband, who gave me years of laughter and love and companionship. I miss him terribly, but each day gets a little easier. I'll just have to remember what your hugs were like, babe.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
Last weekend: Friday evening, after my return from work, I was busy. Finally decided what I would bake for the church bazaar. This bazaar is always on the weekend before Thanksgiving, and there is a tea room as part of it all. You can buy a cup of coffee or tea and a single-serving of some nice baked products - for example, I saw a wonderful red velvet cake and also rosettes - and then eat that there. Also, church members bake and contribute goodies for sale to the public. So I made two 8 x 8 sized pans of triple-layer peanut butter brownies. But not just any brownies - I make these with the Ghiradelli brand brownies, and they are to die for. After the brownies cool, you make up one batch of instant vanilla pudding, using only half the milk usually called for. And you blend in a cup of peanut butter plus a cup of powdered milk with the pudding. Spread that on top of the cooled brownies (the peanut-butter pudding combo is enough for the 2 pans). Then melt 3 squares of semi-sweet baking chocolate with (approx) half of a container of Cool Whip (unthawed, to start with). Stir the Cool Whip and chocolate together, then spread thinly on top of the peanut-butter layer. Refrigerate until shortly before serving. Yummmm..... They put a price tag of $12 on each pan, and they both were sold before too long. So I feel like I at least contributed something to the church bazaar. I just couldn't bring myself to sign up for working at any of the areas where they needed help. Maybe next year - if I am still in Houston at that time.
Two of the women I met at the Widows group, came to the bazaar, too. We met, browsed and shopped, then went to lunch together. I had met these 2 the night of Greg's birthday, which was coincidentally another W/W meeting-dinner. A and E are fun, close to my age, and E brought her sister-in-law, who matched wits with us over lunch. Fun group to talk with and laugh with. We had (the widows) all, separately, come to the same conclusions about a few who are in the W/W group. And we may start to back away from that group and "do our own thing" in our portion of suburbs. The organizer of the group seems hell-bent on dragging her "boyfriend" (also widowed) with her to all the meetings now, kind of (IMHO and shared by the other two women) in a "look what I have and you don't" way. I am happy for her... BUT. It seems like such a juvenile approach, sort of an attempt at one-upsmanship. Maybe we are ALL wrong about this. And we all think the assistant organizer, B, is off-balance. His wife has been dead about 2 years, he can't forgive the guy who caused the traffic accident resulting in her death, and his 26-yr-old unemployed son lives at home with his dad and stays in his room. Weird. And I think he "likes" me - the others share that viewpoint too - and I try to say snippy little comebacks to him, to discourage him. I don't think that he "gets" that, either. If you saw the guy, you would realize that there is NO way in hell that he would be on my "dance card", so to speak.
We got to discussing cruises - these women have gone on several, me: none - and they said that if we all go, the 3rd person signing up goes for free. So we could split the cost of 2 tickets, by 3. Sounds like a good proposal. I am just hangin' back on this, to see if they decide to plan a cruise. I don't know: 3 middle-aged women on a cruise sounds like the plot for a sit-com. And I don't want to find a cabin steward as my "dream date", either!
Anyway, it was nice to have a week that didn't involve family occasions to bring sadness. There was another family death, but it was a cousin that I have never met (long family story behind that). Still, sad to lose another family member. I will probably send sympathy cards to some of his family. I am in touch with this cousin's surviving brother and sister-in-law, but have not met them, either. Meeting this couple IS in my plans, and I hope to do this soon after returning (permanently) to MN.
So... I am thankful for family and friends. And for (most) co-workers. I am thankful that I will receive a pension (for which I have not had to contribute one dime) and also social security, when the time comes. And I have faith (or maybe misplaced confidence) that my deferred compensation (457b plan) will come back in value, and I am still buying - buy low, they say - and I am grateful that I do NOT need this money right now. My biggest thanks goes to my late husband, who gave me years of laughter and love and companionship. I miss him terribly, but each day gets a little easier. I'll just have to remember what your hugs were like, babe.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Six months
Another “anniversary” – and not the kind you want to note, believe me. Six months on Saturday, following Greg’s death. Six long LONG L-O-O-O-N-G months. And yet, so NOT long. Amazing that half-a-year has slipped away, somewhere in the haze and the fog. Six months of trying to find ME in that mist somewhere. I guess I have made some progress. I’m cooking and eating again. Not so much fun, all alone. Worse than when I was single, when I had hope, when I was a lot younger. When I looked forward to weekends, rather than dreading them.
When I picked up the mail on Saturday afternoon, it was primarily junk mail. Which I didn’t get around to opening until Sunday. Due to my attitude, no doubt. I mean, where’s the rush on ANYTHING nowadays? And lo and behold – advertising from the Neptune Society. Are you familiar with this organization? They provide cremation services without the necessity of using a funeral home. At least this letter was in MY name and not his. I have never been in contact with this group, so I am not sure what triggered my name going on the mailing list. Bad, BAD timing, is all I can say. Although – if I returned the requested information on the card which was included, I would be eligible for a pre-paid cremation! Woo hoo – and then I would have to declare the “value” of the prize on my income tax form as income, I am sure.
Shifting gears, trying to get into a better mood. Some good news – the woman that I car-pooled to my last W/W dinner with, found my earring in her car! It was on the rug, and although she had looked the following day, it didn’t reveal itself. Later in the week, she was unloading groceries and moved the rug and there it was. I am happy to be getting that back – it was a better quality pair of earrings and unique enough that I was kicking myself for losing it. Not REALLY expensive - I recall $30 or less, but love the style and color. Seems like you rarely lose one of those crappy little costume-jewelry kinds.
My last remaining aunt (on my dad’s side) died yesterday. She had had emphysema for years and needed oxygen for many of the last years, too. She was rushed to the hospital over the weekend and then was diagnosed with a fast-growing type of lung cancer. She refused any treatment and returned to the home that she shared with a son, daughter-in-law (who is a respiratory therapist) and their kids. They didn’t think she’d make it through Sunday night, but she finally slipped away Monday afternoon. She was married to my dad’s youngest brother, who died several years before her. So now my mom is the last living embodiment of my dad’s generation of that family. When she goes…. Well, then it will be down to me and my cousins (about 35 or so of us), as we start our own countdown. Weird, and yet it is “the circle of life”, as we all know from The Lion King. So the deaths of the last two aunts really, REALLY made me even more happy with my decision to attend the family reunion in July. I got to see and talk with both of them, not knowing that they would never be at another family reunion again. (As one cousin remarked, at the reunion held after my father’s death four years ago, they “are at the better family reunion”. And I am sure that they are – all the brothers and sisters together again, most with their spouses except my dad. Maybe they have a card game going – this family was fond of playing cards. And my gram has probably got a game of two- or four-handed solitaire going, and someone else is pouring/mixing drinks.)
I like to think of Greg like that - sitting in on sessions with his old band-mates and maybe some others that he had rubbed elbows with during his lifetime. And maybe, just maybe, checking in on me to see how I'm doing.
Some more of his clothes went to the re-sale shop (I donate, they resell, but no profits go to me). This time it was jackets and fleece tops and sweatshirts, since Houston had its first cold spell of this season and it was time to recycle that kind of clothing. In Minnesota, they don't even wear a jacket on days like this! I hope that someone is keeping warm (on a limited budget) because of this donation. I also have some flannel shirts of his to bring there.
Sorry if this was a bit "down" to post. Too much on my mind lately and I need to get out and do something FUN. Maybe this weekend will change my tempo. Church bazaar and maybe lunch or dinner with a few of the W/W gals who live in my area. We think we will skip the movie group this time.
Gotta run...
When I picked up the mail on Saturday afternoon, it was primarily junk mail. Which I didn’t get around to opening until Sunday. Due to my attitude, no doubt. I mean, where’s the rush on ANYTHING nowadays? And lo and behold – advertising from the Neptune Society. Are you familiar with this organization? They provide cremation services without the necessity of using a funeral home. At least this letter was in MY name and not his. I have never been in contact with this group, so I am not sure what triggered my name going on the mailing list. Bad, BAD timing, is all I can say. Although – if I returned the requested information on the card which was included, I would be eligible for a pre-paid cremation! Woo hoo – and then I would have to declare the “value” of the prize on my income tax form as income, I am sure.
Shifting gears, trying to get into a better mood. Some good news – the woman that I car-pooled to my last W/W dinner with, found my earring in her car! It was on the rug, and although she had looked the following day, it didn’t reveal itself. Later in the week, she was unloading groceries and moved the rug and there it was. I am happy to be getting that back – it was a better quality pair of earrings and unique enough that I was kicking myself for losing it. Not REALLY expensive - I recall $30 or less, but love the style and color. Seems like you rarely lose one of those crappy little costume-jewelry kinds.
My last remaining aunt (on my dad’s side) died yesterday. She had had emphysema for years and needed oxygen for many of the last years, too. She was rushed to the hospital over the weekend and then was diagnosed with a fast-growing type of lung cancer. She refused any treatment and returned to the home that she shared with a son, daughter-in-law (who is a respiratory therapist) and their kids. They didn’t think she’d make it through Sunday night, but she finally slipped away Monday afternoon. She was married to my dad’s youngest brother, who died several years before her. So now my mom is the last living embodiment of my dad’s generation of that family. When she goes…. Well, then it will be down to me and my cousins (about 35 or so of us), as we start our own countdown. Weird, and yet it is “the circle of life”, as we all know from The Lion King. So the deaths of the last two aunts really, REALLY made me even more happy with my decision to attend the family reunion in July. I got to see and talk with both of them, not knowing that they would never be at another family reunion again. (As one cousin remarked, at the reunion held after my father’s death four years ago, they “are at the better family reunion”. And I am sure that they are – all the brothers and sisters together again, most with their spouses except my dad. Maybe they have a card game going – this family was fond of playing cards. And my gram has probably got a game of two- or four-handed solitaire going, and someone else is pouring/mixing drinks.)
I like to think of Greg like that - sitting in on sessions with his old band-mates and maybe some others that he had rubbed elbows with during his lifetime. And maybe, just maybe, checking in on me to see how I'm doing.
Some more of his clothes went to the re-sale shop (I donate, they resell, but no profits go to me). This time it was jackets and fleece tops and sweatshirts, since Houston had its first cold spell of this season and it was time to recycle that kind of clothing. In Minnesota, they don't even wear a jacket on days like this! I hope that someone is keeping warm (on a limited budget) because of this donation. I also have some flannel shirts of his to bring there.
Sorry if this was a bit "down" to post. Too much on my mind lately and I need to get out and do something FUN. Maybe this weekend will change my tempo. Church bazaar and maybe lunch or dinner with a few of the W/W gals who live in my area. We think we will skip the movie group this time.
Gotta run...
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
All Saints Day
A weekend to put behind me…
Not a lot goin’ on this past weekend, except –
An oil change that grew more expensive, when the radiator, cracked and leaking antifreeze (so that’s what that smell was!), had to be repaired. The Honda is a ’97 and has many miles on it, and many more to give – I hope – so it was worth the investment. The place where we have had our Hondas worked on for many years, has always been fair and honest. So I gave the assent on getting the necessary work done.
Early voting – so-o-o easy! Used a new polling location that I think a lot of folks do not yet know about. There were maybe 6 or 8 booths, and only 3 were in use when I strolled in. And… NO LINE! I did my bit and only wish that I could have cast a ballot for Greg, too. When I talked with my mom on Sunday, she informed me that Minnesota does NOT have early voting. Maybe we have early voting in Texas, due to the much larger population?
Picked up my re-sized wedding ring, so I have a connection to the old, married gal that I used to be, before I was suddenly turned into a widow. I had the ring set (soldered together years and years ago) sized for my right hand, and my right hand is slightly bigger than my left. It is a very pretty diamond that I probably should list in my will. It felt good to have it again, but a bit odd to wear it on my right hand. Still, a connection to that bright and hopeful day 23 years ago.
Had to meet (at the jeweler's) with the co-worker who bought Greg’s old Subaru. Between the two of us (she and me, that is), we had filled out paperwork that the state of Texas had on the internet and then I signed in a couple of places. A signature was missing in a couple of spots, so it was provided and she was able to file for the title change and make everything all legal-shmegal. You can discuss amongst yourselves, as to whose signature was missing – and just how it was provided. I will deny everything.
Sunday was another tough day for me. Our church always celebrates All Saints Day on the Sunday closest to that day. They read the names (submitted by members of the congregation) of family and friends who have died during the preceding year. I had 3 names this year: Greg’s, his dad’s and my Aunt Rita, who would have turned 90 in March. Plus this year, they dedicated a Prayer Garden and planted some roses in that garden for the congregants who passed away. The service was held outside, the weather was gorgeous (in the 70’s with sunshine and low humidity), and the setting was nice, on a hilly embankment leading down to the little lake (more pond-sized, maybe?). They rang a handbell (one of the deeper-toned ones) after each congregant’s name. It was very emotional, and yet I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. At the same time, it was rather like re-living the memorial service. So another emotional day for me.
Finishing this posting on Election Day. I certainly hope this country has taken to heart just what has transpired the last 8 years and wants to take a new direction. As always, time will tell.
Over and out...
Not a lot goin’ on this past weekend, except –
An oil change that grew more expensive, when the radiator, cracked and leaking antifreeze (so that’s what that smell was!), had to be repaired. The Honda is a ’97 and has many miles on it, and many more to give – I hope – so it was worth the investment. The place where we have had our Hondas worked on for many years, has always been fair and honest. So I gave the assent on getting the necessary work done.
Early voting – so-o-o easy! Used a new polling location that I think a lot of folks do not yet know about. There were maybe 6 or 8 booths, and only 3 were in use when I strolled in. And… NO LINE! I did my bit and only wish that I could have cast a ballot for Greg, too. When I talked with my mom on Sunday, she informed me that Minnesota does NOT have early voting. Maybe we have early voting in Texas, due to the much larger population?
Picked up my re-sized wedding ring, so I have a connection to the old, married gal that I used to be, before I was suddenly turned into a widow. I had the ring set (soldered together years and years ago) sized for my right hand, and my right hand is slightly bigger than my left. It is a very pretty diamond that I probably should list in my will. It felt good to have it again, but a bit odd to wear it on my right hand. Still, a connection to that bright and hopeful day 23 years ago.
Had to meet (at the jeweler's) with the co-worker who bought Greg’s old Subaru. Between the two of us (she and me, that is), we had filled out paperwork that the state of Texas had on the internet and then I signed in a couple of places. A signature was missing in a couple of spots, so it was provided and she was able to file for the title change and make everything all legal-shmegal. You can discuss amongst yourselves, as to whose signature was missing – and just how it was provided. I will deny everything.
Sunday was another tough day for me. Our church always celebrates All Saints Day on the Sunday closest to that day. They read the names (submitted by members of the congregation) of family and friends who have died during the preceding year. I had 3 names this year: Greg’s, his dad’s and my Aunt Rita, who would have turned 90 in March. Plus this year, they dedicated a Prayer Garden and planted some roses in that garden for the congregants who passed away. The service was held outside, the weather was gorgeous (in the 70’s with sunshine and low humidity), and the setting was nice, on a hilly embankment leading down to the little lake (more pond-sized, maybe?). They rang a handbell (one of the deeper-toned ones) after each congregant’s name. It was very emotional, and yet I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. At the same time, it was rather like re-living the memorial service. So another emotional day for me.
Finishing this posting on Election Day. I certainly hope this country has taken to heart just what has transpired the last 8 years and wants to take a new direction. As always, time will tell.
Over and out...
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