Tuesday, November 1, 2011

A date with ??

I have now been "scheduled" for my surgery. It's for the Thursday before Thanksgiving, Nov. 17th. Naturally, I have a late-in-the-day slot, which I am sure means that I will be logging not ONE, but TWO nights in the hospital. I do not tolerate hospitals and their routines well, with the insistence of the staff on popping in to do "vitals" just minutes after you have managed to squeak out a moment of sleep, in spite of the constant noise just outside your door.

The surgery will be at the U of M (Minnesota), where there is a good-sized staff that specializes in gynecological oncology.

And I want to be anywhere, ANYWHERE but here, anywhere FUN and worry-free. Instead, I can now add cancer to my list of pre-existing conditions. Too young for Medicare/Medicaid, I can only hope that my insurance will cover a fair amount of the expense. I have already heard that "you can't put a price on health" (try telling that to a health insurer and to my fixed income); that "you are strong, you'll get through this" (heard that when my husband died, too -- folks, you need a new catch-phrase). I cry too easily now, but always when I am alone. I was able to plow on, after Greg died. But this... this is just TOO MUCH for me.

'Bye for now. Thanks for reading.


Kim said...

I wish I could hold your hand and lend a shoulder to cry on! I'm offering a virtual one if you need it. I've been thinking of you and hope you are doing ok.

jessica said...

@Kim -- thank you so much for your supportive words. It means a lot to me. I have good days/times and then not-so-good. I know you know how this goes. Today was not too bad. Less than 2 wks to surgery now. And once they look @ lymph nodes, that will provide a view on what my future will be. No matter how depressed I may sound, I am not in danger of taking my own life and I am NOT anxious to leave this earth. Thanks again for the virtual shoulder!