Saturday, May 16, 2009

Down, down, depressed

Having a bad week, and I guess I only have myself to blame for this. I was disappointed by a man that I thought cared for me. And I hate myself for wearing my heart on my sleeve and leaving me so vulnerable, emotionally. I have been in or near tears most of today. Do not have anyone available (and believe me, I did try) to chat with on the phone or listen to me cry. And the timing of all of this was just peachy - Greg died one year ago on the 15th (yesterday). I guess that compounded the hurt. Maybe I am a 3-time loser: my first husband (divorce), second husband (death) and now this guy who let me down. Damn me for being so trusting, eh?

Worse yet, this has taken the wind out of my sails, and I am NOT moving forward with the packing up that is needed, to get this house on the market. Could the timing be any worse, I ask you.

Sorry to post this downer of a posting. Just sharing my low times - cannot find anything funny in this at all.


Anonymous said...

You are definitly NOT a loser. One thing I've noticed since my husband died is that I do feel things more deeply. It seems to go both ways. Things that might have only hurt a little bit before seem to hurt a lot now but happy things feel happier too. You have the happier things to look forward to! {{{{hugs and more hugs}}}}

Janine (txmomx6) said...

A loser? I think not.
A warm-hearted person who wants to see the good and wants to be loved again?
Yes. And there's nothing wrong with that.
There's something wrong with him, not you.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this.
Especially now.
Well .... especially at any time.
This sucks.
Thank you for sharing ..... for willing to be open and honest.

The Retired One said...

Your other commenters are so right. I think after you have a crisis (or loss) you do feel more deeply from then on (highs and lows).
You are an amazing person to have been willing to put your heart out there so soon. (He was an ass--le for stomping on it). But regardless, you had the courage to do so.
There will be others in your life. Keep trusting, keep being willing to do it again. Because the highs of life are worth the lows, as painful as they are.
I didn't realize yesterday was his passing's anniversary. It must have been such a difficult day for you!

Mary said...

I've drawn so much inspiration from your posts, and I believe that you're NOT a loser. You're a deeply caring and feeling woman. The anniversary dates are tough, and the waves of emotion are waves. They're perfectly normal. They dip and rise. Your heart is a life raft that might have a little hole in it at the moment.

I'm sending you a hug, an airpump, and a patch for your raft. You've been going full-tilt with your impending move that maybe you need a little break from all that forward motion. It's never a mistake to care for people or to wear your heart on your sleeve. Who wants a life that is half-lived?

jessica said...

Thank you ALL for you caring comments. Today was SUCH a better day, that I felt kinda guilty posting that downer of a post. But I am so grateful for all of your support, and I have a very good outlook, after bottoming out yesterday. I am wounded, but on the mend. Look out, Mr. Who-is-next! Catch me if you can!

Women are amazing - so supportive, so caring. Love to you all.