Note: this posting was started on August 26th. Good intentions, but...
It helps me to stay busy, stay occupied. And it really, REALLY helps to do activities outside the house and with other people. Unless you are very alone (meaning no family lives with you, no roommate, nobody), you probably cannot relate to this need, this compelling need to socialize.
Anyhoo... It has been and will be a good, busy week for me. Last Saturday was another Meetup for the Houston Widows and Widowers group. Much better one (for me) this time. It was a movie meetup. We met at a pre-assigned time, chose our movie (Tropic Thunder for me and most of the others, Mirrors for 2 remaining), then met at Cafe Adobe afterwards for food and talk. Miss Chatty Cathy was there with her 2 daughters, but somehow did not monopolize the conversation. I am not sure how or why that happened, but it was a blessing for me and for some others. We think she might benefit from a grief group or from conversations with a pastor or something. I just know that we should not have to act as a counselor for her. Don't tell me that I am cold or unfeeling - it is just that we all deserve a few minutes to speak our piece, share our quirks and questions, express our fears or reluctance. And when she starts to talk, that does NOT happen. It turns into a filibuster.
After we ate, most of us stuck around to try to plan some upcoming activities. We think we might get better attendance if we have a variety of things planned. I did meet 2 additional members (one a recent joiner and one who joined several months ago). Plus I met the organizer, a very vibrant and supportive woman.
Tonight (Wednesday) I signed up for a cooking class. Don't know if it will be any of the ol' hands-on stuff, but I hope to pick up some recipes, pointers, etc. And it will allow me to meet some MORE new people. The theme is Asian food, so that should be interesting. Many years ago, I went to a cooking class on stir-fry cooking, and that's how I got started on using a wok.
Thursday is the monthly dinner-group meeting, with the people from church. We are going to Rudi Lechner's Restaurant - I think the owner is either Austrian or German. The food is a good selection of some German-style favorites. I really like going to this restaurant during the Oktoberfest time - because then they have a little German-flavored entertainment, with music and a guy who does a comedic bit - and of course I really like the sing-along songs. A coupla beers loosens my vocal cords! My fellow dinner-groupers are probably happy that this is NOT Oktoberfest and they will not have to listen to my caterwauling.
The Meetup group has an afternoon of miniature golf planned for Saturday. This is a long weekend (Labor Day holiday) and we tried to schedule something so that we can get out of our houses and mingle over that time frame. I am looking forward to sleeping in for a couple of mornings.
Finally, I would suggest this particular blog-posting for anyone in my situation (lost your spouse). The fellow who writes this blog has recently remarried, and I hope they have a long and happy life together. His wife died over 2 years ago, leaving him and his 2-year-old son to carry on. This blog comments on dating again, on going forward after losing your spouse. Please pay attention to his warnings about reading it - if you are not yet open to approaching life again, or you are not ready to socialize yet, then this may not be something you should read. For me, the timing was right... but then, I have always been a social-type, and I enjoy meeting others and feel like I am not ready to dry up and blow away. Anyway, here is his blog about Honoring Your Wedding Vows. It really spoke to me. Really and truly.
I am finishing this long-delayed post (written about a week-and-a-half ago) so that I can get over this one and move on to another.
Today was the four-month mark for me, after Greg's death. And I am amazed at the progress. Yes, I miss Greg; yes, I am lonely; yes, I curse about having to do EVERYTHING myself. But I am amazed at how much progress I have made, emotionally. I never, NEVER thought I would be at this stage by now. I can talk freely about him without breaking down into sobs. Of course, I will still be caught off-guard. I had found a good country-music station which broadcasts out of Austin, on my return trip yesterday from visiting my friends in Wimberley. And this song comes on, I'll Wait for You, which I vaguely recalled. And when the song was ending with these lines:
The doctor said, she's in a better place
She said to give this you this note just in case
And it said, I'll wait for you at Heaven's gate
Oh, I don't care how long it takes
And I'll tell Saint Pete I can't come in
Without my love and my best friend
Oh, this ain't nothin' new
Sweetheart, I'll wait for you
P.S. I love you, too
Sweetheart, I'll wait for you
Well, that was it for me. I was in tears. Just drivin' and cryin'. Caught off-guard, like I said. A song that I would have previously dismissed as schmaltzy. Now with a new meaning to me. Just like Garth Brooks' song, The Dance.
Posting this one... and hopefully followed by another, in a much shorter time frame.