Tuesday, June 10, 2008

My relationship with Greg

A friend from my high-school years e-mailed: "There is, still, some curiosity toward what about the man contributed to the depth of relationship you two shared."

And I replied:

I don’t know if that comment was only from you or from others, but it made me think. I guess what happened is that we were kind of set adrift – without family or close friends – when we decided to move to Houston. You know, many of us have long-time friends that we have had for years. Well, we still retained those friends (only the closest ones, as the years went on), but only made a few friends that we would ever grow so close to in our lifetime, here in Houston. We have both always treasured family and friends, and we had that in common.

So, anyway, in the absence of “old” friends, I guess we developed into each other’s best friends. We enjoyed a lot of the same things – browsing at antique malls, being the keepers of our family momentos/old photos/etc., listening to music – he really knew the “family trees” of old rock groups, had common political leanings, etc. I used to think we spent too much time together and would sometimes plead for a little “alone” time (little did I know that I would have more than I wanted). I loved to cook, he was very good at barbecuing, and he always assisted in the kitchen (chopping up onions and celery and other veggies is time-consuming, and he would willingly do those things). He wasn’t afraid to do laundry, wash dishes or do other mundane things that some guys will not even attempt. He was a good and fair partner and a very loving, warm, humorous guy. His sense of humor is what first attracted me to him.

I’m not trying to bestow sainthood on him, by any means. But I guess you don’t appreciate what you have – what WE had – until that is taken away from you. I don’t think I’ll see these qualities in one man, ever again. And I miss him. I miss his fairly reliable once- or twice-a-day phone calls. I can’t remember his voice, so I have to call the house to hear the message he recorded. It is so difficult, and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.


LuLu said...

Hi Jessica,

I've been reading your comments on Widows Quest, and then stopped on over to give you a virtual hug. Wow, it seems like we had similar experiences in the loss of our husbands. Michael died at home of a heart attack, while I was at work. Anna's blog has been a comfort for me, and I hope it will be for you, too.

Take care,

jessica said...

Lulu -

Tried to put a comment on your Myspace page, but it didn't like me. So I left a comment on Widowsquest.

I don't think most folks could grasp the finality of coming home to a deceased spouse. It left me cold and probably in shock. No saliva in my mouth. I was able to provide the police his Social Security number (and I have no idea how my mind was able to produce that), and other facts that they were asking me. I guess that was kinda stunned disbelief showing itself.

Thanks for the virtual hug!

Anna's blog was the first one that I read, when looking for some online support or advice. I am so glad that she (and you) are there, although I don't think any of us liked the circumstances that made us "sorority sisters".

Mary said...

Hi Jessica,

I wanted to send you an email but couldn't find one for you on your blog. Here's one I can be reached at:
Thanks for your comment.


txmomx6 said...

Hi Jessica,
My husband died in December and I, too, live in the Houston area.
He was also my best friend. We have 6 great kids. I'm doing "OK". One step forward, 5 steps back sometimes. But I'm still here.

haleyhughes said...

Hi Jessica,

I'm sorry to read about your loss. I know how hard it was for me when my father died suddenly a few years ago. I simply cannot imagine what it's like to lose a spouse.

Thank you for sharing part of your journey in your blog.