aka Nancy Drew

The good news just keeps on comin'

2012-01-17T13:16:00.004-06:00

So... met with the radiation oncologist this morning. And I am so, SO looking forward to that process wreaking additional damage on my body.

Here's what will happen: I will have an initial CT scan, so they can identify anything that they think will need radiation. Now this is NOT an ordinary CT scan, since it will also involve a vaginal CT scan. Having experienced a vaginal ultrasound recently, I can tell you that I am NOT looking forward to having another "vaginal" anything done. All dignity, all privacy gone, gone, GONE. They hand you a lubed-up deal and tell you where to place it (3 guesses).

Once the CT stuff is done, then a "plan" will be developed. Basically, I will have 5 weeks of doses (daily, each week, for 25 treatments) of radiation. I am told that they will MARK my body with little dots, to show where the radiation should be directed. I was also told that each session will take about 20 - 30 minutes, most of that to be sure that my body is positioned EXACTLY as needed. This is all while I am naked from the waist down, which I am sure will be EXTREMELY comfortable, right? On a cold, flat, hard surface, in a cold room. Boy, I can hardly wait on this one.

After a couple of weeks, I will apparently have side effects from radiation, which include lack of energy plus internal damage to various parts of my body. Some of those areas include burnt skin or internal tissue, plus damage to my bladder and my bowels. Oh, and to my vagina, too. So: goodbye to what had been a good sex life, I guess. This causes scarring on the upper end of the vagina, and in order to regain full use of this, it has been suggested that I use a vaginal dilator. Oh, more joy and happiness. Not to mention having to buy something that I currently have NO use for, and never wanted to. The bladder damage will cause me to pee more frequently, and the bowel damage will possibly/probably cause diarrhea. The fun, the anticipated laughs, eh? I am only sorry that I have to wait until mid-February to start this round of treatment.

Now, in case you think that all I am doing is feeling sorry for myself, I thought I would share something that I found - written by a woman who also had a cancer diagnosis and did NOT have to have chemo nor radiation. She writes:

I would describe myself as a woman of strong faith with a positive outlook on life. However, with the cancer diagnosis came a deluge of "what-ifs," and cancer began to dominate my thoughts. Fear, anxiety, depression, anger, and sadness were common emotions that plagued me all hours of the day and night. In my quest for information, I discovered the Cancer Concerns Forum on the HysterSister's website. I learned that my "what-ifs" had a name - cancerhead. Time and again this term came up as women described their fears regarding cancer. I found that I was not alone. Psychologists and other experts agree that women diagnosed with cancer respond in similar ways.

1) Denial – There must be some mistake.
2) Anger – Why are you telling me this?
3) Why me? – What did I do, or not do, to deserve this?
4) Resignation – I can’t help myself; it’s beyond my control.
5) Acceptance – I will fight this with everything I’ve got in me.
As I struggled through these various stages, I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster. I did not want to take this journey or deal with the uncertainty of my future. End of quoted excerpt.

What some of you may not know, is that I have gone through these pissy stages before, when my husband died unexpectedly at age 56, in May of 2008. I found support via some blogs and web sites. Now I am reading some of the SAME "support" statements from cancer sites. Just TOO MUCH to re-visit, you know? Even from the "welcome to this group that you never wanted to join" greetings. TOO MUCH.

The radiation oncologist (who I did like, btw) also said that the healthy reaction I have been experiencing thus far, following 2 rounds of chemo, will NOT last. So I guess I have deteriorating health to look forward to, also. Goodbye, energy, decent appetite, and so on. At least the hair is just about gone, so I won't have to keep sweeping and vacuuming THAT up in a little bit. Good thing, too, since I apparently won't have the energy for that little household chore.

Funny thing is, before this morning's appointment, I was about at step (5), listed above. Now I feel like I am back at step (1). Don't tell me to cheer up, to have a positive attitude. I just don't want to hear it now - if, indeed, ever.

'Bye.

Going forward

2012-01-10T08:23:00.004-06:00

Just a few minutes here to update.

Had chemo # 2 on the 4th (Wed.) and the actual process went much, much better. The staff had the info on the problems from my 1st session and took care to introduce the problem-causing drug at a slow rate, initially, then sped it up gradually.

The biggest problem encountered at this second session was actually BEFORE this session. It seems that, since I have now entered the chemo process, I now need to be cleared (okayed) to go forward with the chemo. A nurse-practitioner does this. No problem with any of that. My "clearing" appt was scheduled for 9:30, which was about the time that I was ushered into a room and my "vitals" were done. And then we sat, and waited, and WAITED, and WAITED. I finally went out of the room, looking for someone to tell that we were STILL waiting - and furthermore, the chemo session was scheduled for 11 am, which was fast approaching. Finally, the nurse-practitioner graced us with her presence. She asked some very non-essential questions and I mentioned my chemo appt. And SHE informed ME that SHE had to "clear" me for this scheduled chemo. I disliked her STRONGLY. That's as nasty as I will get, in print. L and I both agreed that she had that "I am in charge" attitude. A wonderful way to endear her to patients - and guess what? We have to deal with her for each and every chemo appt from now on.

Oh, and the reason that she showed up late? She went to the WRONG patient's room, so someone else was in and out quickly, while I sat and sat, becoming later and later. "I'm in charge" never admitted that to us, btw. Someone else on the staff coughed up that info.

Hair (on my head) is still falling out. Fewer and fewer strands. Sickening. The hair on my legs? Still growing. Still have hair on my arms, as well as eyebrows and eyelashes. Pubic hair, still leaving. And my "privates", without the protective buffering, are now subject to rubbing and chafing against underwear and jeans. No one ever mentions THIS "delicate" subject. So, folks, I am telling this fact NOW. I consider this blog and its current subject, a public service.

Have been enjoying the record-breaking temps (in the 40's), but that will be over in another day or two. So then I have a choice: an appearance-saving wig (NOT warm) or an ugly hat with no hair under it, and said hat will have to worn ALL the time when I am out in public. Yes, it is ONLY hair...

Okay, trying to be upbeat - and truly, I am feeling pretty good, as far as energy and my appetite is sorta ok.

Well, gotta run. Housecleaning calls (yuck) and I need to pop in the shower before I head into town for a blood test. All the fun you can squeeze into one morning!

Ta-ta.

A New Year and...??

2012-01-01T16:22:00.019-06:00

(A coupla pix of me when I looked more like the "normal" people do. It's all I have to hold on to, so you gotta indulge me...)

Well, here it is, 2012. And I actually DID make it to midnight (unlike someone else who shall remain nameless), although I watched the ball drop @ Times Square an hour earlier than that.

Had a low-key day (New Year's Eve): Saturday night church, dinner @ a good local restaurant, and then a drink at a local establishment closer to this place. Was probably back here by 10:30.

The hair is just about gone now. But amazing, how much you can still shed, given that so much of your scalp is showing. Now have two wigs, and the first one (which I bought via the American Cancer Society because the color was similar to mine and the style was, also) will need some further trimming. I knew, based on the description, that it would be too long, but as my stylist said, she prefers to under-trim the length and let me wear it, before I decide I need more length removed. I'll try to post some photos.

I cried in the shower again yesterday. The loss, the loss... Ironically, my health appears to be just fine: good energy level, decent appetite, and so on. But it is just so hard to accept the hair loss. Wigs are truly a pain in the ass (if this offends you, you should never read my blog again), because when you are mostly hairless, it is difficult to keep that damned "dead cat" on your head. Think of it: it SLIDES, folks. And truly, I do NOT like the hats and turbans - I don't want something to scream "cancer" the minute I walk into the room, truly I do not. I want to live my life as normally as possible, although being under the medical micro-management that this requires, IS irritating, at best, and at its worst, really pisses me off when I am very down or feeling unjustly "blessed" with another thing that SOME believe is a situation that "God doesn't give you anything you can't handle". Yeah, early widowhood isn't enough, is it? So for all of you blissfully leading happy, carefree lives, you can thank me for handling something that apparently YOU cannot handle? You see how ridiculous that statement is?

Other statements: don't drown in the "pity pot" (said by someone who has NOT talked to me in person and does not read this blog and had not gone thru this, either); and countless folks who say that I am strong and I can handle it. Trust me, I would have to a friggin' brick wall to be THAT strong. Especially when the chemo gave me the heart attack symptoms. I am only 5'3" and weigh under 115. (Maybe less without hair??) How strong should I be, at this size - and at this age, too?

Oh, and I would appreciate it if you do not mention any of your family members who have died from cancer. I already am facing my own mortality in a way that I never, ever thought about before. If you can't say something positive, then don't say anything at all. People told me (following my husband's death) that they could relate, because their father, brother, in-laws died. Not. The. Same. At. All.

Anyway, I am trying to be positive as I face chemo #2 on Wednesday. We will head to the Cities Tuesday afternoon and stay at my nephew and his wife's place for the short drive to the Mpls. campus for a medical check-in plus the chemo scheduled after that. I don't know if they will try to start #2 at a slower rate or not. From what I have been told, each round of chemo can be different from the other one(s). I hope the assigned nurse noted my symptoms from round #1. Plus they do NOT know about the bleeding and lowered hemoglobin which occurred a few days after that, either.

Sorry to keep returning to the hair thing. But. Don't. Tell. Me. It. Is. Only. Hair. So far from being true that I cannot even relate to someone who says that. Just please shut up, if that's the only "supportive" thing you can say.

So (for other cancer sufferers who are also wading thru some of these same statements) what CAN you say? How about a hug, or a comment that you can appreciate what a struggle this is for you. Truly, those same movements and comments also apply to widows and widowers.

Getting off my soapbox. Hope to post some photos with this blog later tonight. I want to be as open as possible (don't worry, none of 'em will be nudes), and I am shedding my desire to hide away, so that others can see just what some of the treatment entails. Not trying to shock, but instead to share.

First photo: all the hair products and accessories that I will not be able to use for probably over a year (if I am that fortunate).

Second photo: hair loss for about a day-and-a-half, before I had most of it cut off. There's a up-ended shot glass behind the pile, just for perspective.

Third photo: hair on its way out, me with my face covered. This openness is not as easy as I had hoped.

Fourth photo: face uncovered. Again, not so easy to do.

Fifth photo: the hat (or something similar to it) that I will be wearing for months (or maybe a year -- who knows), in order to not freeze my naked head and to not look so ugly to anyone who might pop in, or to my significant other. You have no idea what a hassle it is, to wear a wig. Maybe I'll post some wig pix tomorrow.

Anyway, this has been a tough post to publish. So I'm outta here for tonight.

Attitude

2011-12-28T01:56:00.002-06:00

I am up at this God-forsaken hour of the night/morning (about 2 am CST) because I am just not falling asleep. So I carefully slid out of bed and hooked up the laptop, ready to share my thoughts. And guessing that many of you are not wanting to read them, based on the last several posts.

If I didn't know any better, I would think that I am on some kind of "happy" pills. I do feel pretty good (health-wise, which might mean that my body is fixin' to betray me again), and that may be because my hemoglobin count is up a bit. Based on the fact that both chemo and bleeding lowered my red cell count, I was advised to eat certain foods (none that I really like) plus take iron pills. Iron supplements have the charming side effect of constipation. Hmmm... didn't I go thru THAT stuff when I had to take painkillers following surgery? So not anxious to gobble iron. However, L had some of them, and the dose said 300% + on the bottle. I used a pill splitter to halve them and have been taking one half-pill daily or every other day. Plus we put some steaks on the grill tonight and that probably amped up my iron a bit, too.

Pretty much have made up my mind to get most of my hair cut off today (it is already Wednesday) or tomorrow. I am tired of having big gobfuls (trust me, this is NOT an exaggeration) falling out everywhere - jackets, on my gloves, on countertops, etc. And I am guessing that I will cry. And freeze. And feel even less feminine.

Enjoying a cup of gingerbread tea, which I recently purchased. Celestial Seasoning puts this out (a "seasonal" tea), and it is pretty tasty.

I have received several nice cards, some holiday, some not, with words of encouragement from folks in the rv park in the Tampa area. Some are NOT all that close to me or to L, and yet they took the time to write some nice things. I was very touched by each one.

Well, dang it -- I wish sleep would come! Had a wonderfully, deep and long sleep Monday night. And then tonight... after laying there for quite a period of time, no ZZZ's seemed to be in the cards for me.

But anyway... hope you are encouraged that I finally posted a bit of a brighter blog tonight. Next Wednesday is chemo #2. Wondering if I will have the same side effects or if new ones will be added. Not fun to look forward to. But hoping that the end result is that my life is saved.

Down, down days

2011-12-26T21:11:00.003-06:00

Damn. I wish this was a an upbeat post. It is so, so difficult to be "up" when your hair is falling out by the handsful. This is NOT an exaggeration. I have been told that I will be bald by the time chemo # 2 starts (Jan. 4th), and the body is trying hard to make that schedule.

I KNOW that I am not the first woman to go thru this. That does not mean that I have to embrace it. Hair is so important to a woman, as it is the image she presents to the world. It means her femininity. I have always tried to make sure my hair is attractive and clean, but I don't over-fuss with it (no hairspray, for example).

I have a friend in Texas who has been very supportive of me. She herself went through breast cancer over 4 years ago, and was successfully treated with chemo from May through September. She did not experience radiation. She said she lost her hair - head, eyebrows and eyelashes. I forgot to ask her about body hair. I am losing that, too. So now I will get to experience looking like an ageing porn star. Just what every woman in my age bracket wants.

Another side effect, chipping away at my femininity. I don't know if I will ever feel "sexy", attractive or feminine again. This saddens me greatly. So it hasn't been a great day (again).

I recently purchased a wig, knowing that this was going to come. And brought it to a very understanding, empathetic hairdresser. She was so nice, so supportive. She said that when it comes time to trim my few remaining hairs (my words, not hers), she will do it in any setting where I would feel comfortable, including a private room at the salon.

And one of the nurses who does my INR (blood "thinner" tests) at the local clinic was so supportive, also, today. Her husband went thru some very harrowing chemo and bone marrow transplant (his own marrow) years ago. So she has been very close to a loved one who has experienced some of this. Yes, a different gender, but she KNOWS that this is a bitch to experience.

By the way, we had a good Christmas Eve. Spent several hours in the afternoon with my sister, her s.o., and her son, daughter-in-law, two grandkids, her daughter, our mother and of course, L. After this gathering, we drove to L's daughter's place and spent the rest of the evening with his family. We ended the evening at a 10 pm church service. A very long day for me, but the two gatherings were very nice, very loving.

You will all have to bear with me. My emotions are very close to the surface and I am told that my lowered hemoglobin can be responsible for depression as well as me not being able to tolerate the cold.

Thanks to those who continue to struggle thru this with me.

Non-eventful week?

2011-12-22T11:10:00.003-06:00

Warning: this is not an upbeat post.

Dear God, I know that you cannot give me what I most desire for Christmas, my health. So I am aiming for a little easier-attainable goal.

Could you please give me a week or so, WITHOUT complications?

I had my first chemo Dec. 13th. And I felt pretty good about the whole thing, considering: that I experienced male-symptom heart attack symptoms about 20 minutes after the introduction of the first chemo drug. Yes. It felt like ye olde Mack Truck sitting on my sternum (breast bone). My partner flagged down a nurse, telling her that "we need HELP here". The young gal apparently thought he was kidding or overreacting? Then my gluteus max muscles knotted and constricted, very painfully (I don't cry easily folks), enough to bring me to tears. L went looking for "my" nurse, and she practically ran to the side of my chair. (Didja know they give you chemo in a recliner-style chair?) And stopped the chemo. And asked very pointed questions about the level of pain, location of pain, etc.

She started me on a heavier-dose of Benadryl-style drug(s), which made me sound as though I was auditioning for an understudy role for Foster Brooks (an old-time comedian, who sounded like someone genuinely inebriated). And then she resumed the chemo, but at a much slower drip-rate. Plus still had to administer the second drug. So the expected 5 hours was about 6.5 hrs. Sigh.

But I felt pretty good, and we even went to dinner following this incident. Even had a beer, just like "real" people are known to do.

Returned to Duluth on the 14th, still doing pretty well.

Yeah, dumb me. Expected this would last. On the 16th, I started bleeding. Spent Friday night on the futon, which L had draped with a plastic tarp and then an old towel over that. When I was still bleeding Sat. morning, we went to the emergency room. After tests (don't want to go into details), I was admitted to the hospital, where I spent a restless night on one of those little crib-sized beds. The only good thing I can say about that evening is that L picked up a pizza that we shared. Food of the gods...

Finally begged and pleaded for a release Sunday morning. The wonderful female gyn who had hospital duty Saturday/Sunday said she wanted to see me today (this afternoon). I was glad that she was on duty, for I am switching to her (from the male doc that I never really "warmed up" to). One good thing that came out of this.

Dropped a couple of more pounds (hospital food SUCKS) by Sunday morning, so I am on a "junk food" diet until my weight stabilizes. Any excuse to eat ice cream, chocolate, steak, mmm....

And so it goes...

Oh, folks: please stop telling me that attitude is everything, that I am strong, that I will get thru this, that "it's only hair". When YOU are yourself experiencing this, then I give you leave to make these statements. So far, all a "positive" attitude has gotten me, is another "downturn". So (pardon my language) piss on that positive attitude shit. It is hard enough to be upbeat about where my life has headed. So please, PLEASE back off.

Christmas Eve in two days, and I hope I will be around for yet another one next year. Should we put that on a "board" and everyone can take chances? Not a positive week, can you tell?

Round 1 of chemo

2011-12-15T11:25:00.003-06:00

So here's the update. We drove to the Mpls. area Monday night, to be there for the 10 am chemo appointment on Tuesday. We stayed at the Hope Lodge, a facility sponsored by and staffed by the American Cancer Society. Most of us are familiar with the Ronald McDonald houses, for families with children. But Hope Lodge is for adults only. This particular one has 40 rooms on two upper level floors, and the ground floor is for shared dining rooms and kitchen areas. You may bring food and refrigerate it there during your stay, and you may avail yourself of stoves and cooking pots and so on. Very nice, very clean, and completely free of charge to the patient and caregiver. This location was originally funded by the Richard Schulze family (he heads up Best Buy), with matching contributions from others throughout the community. His wife died from mesothelioma. As we so often find out, money cannot buy a cure, nor even (in some cases) a timely diagnosis.

The Lodge is on the shuttle run that goes to several of the hospitals and clinics, so that also cut down on expenses (parking ramp). By the time they had the IV in me (thankfully, I did not require a port), it was about 10:30. The first drug was an anti-nausea one (should help for a few days, I am told), and also some light-weight Benadryl-type drug. Then the fist chemo drug, Taxil (Taxol?). About 20 minutes after that started, I had a classic male-symptom of a heart attack. Felt like a large truck had parked in the middle of my sternum. Lloyd flagged down a nurse (not the nurse who was assigned to monitor me) and said that we needed help NOW. Apparently this nurse did not think it was urgent. Then I had additional side effects, severe, SEVERE cramps in my gluteus max (both sides, and I am talking pain on the level of 8 out of 10). Now I am crying. Lloyd finally tracked down "my" nurse, who practically ran to my side. She immediately stopped the chemo and asked very specific questions about what else hurt, degree of pain, etc. She ramped up the Benadryl (making me pretty fumble-mouthed and sleepy), then resumed chemo drug #1 at a much slower rate. Thankfully, the second chemo drug, Carbo, did not have any apparent side effects. But that one will take my hair away. The infusion was slated for about 5 hrs, but due to the stoppage and then re-starting @ a slower rate, it was about 7.5 hrs.

So now I have one session finished. We "celebrated" by going to Susie's Psycho Bar and Grill, up in Northeast Mpls. I had seen this place several years ago on the Food Channel's Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives. It was okay. I was just glad to have an appetite. Had a beer and felt like a "real" person.

Wednesday, on our way out of town, we stopped at a Macy's store (none are up in Duluth), so that I could buy some lingerie. Also picked up some caps that I'll probably want to have for the next year or longer. Apparently, even after everything has halted (chemo and radiation), it takes forever to get ANY hair back.

The nurse told me that Friday will probably be my worst day for nausea. So I hope that means that I will NOT be nauseated the entire time that I am having treatment. Oh, and then there's the diarrhea that comes with chemo, too. Should be some fun holiday gatherings, as I'll have to make sure that I know where every bathroom is located. "Where's Jess???" Guess they will always know where to look, first.

Bought a wig that was amazingly close to my hair color, and I'll have a local hairdresser trim it closer to my own length. I will probably buy one or two other "partial" wigs, which show around the edges of caps and hats. And a soft cap to protect my head, which I am told will be VERY sensitive. In a week or two, L will clip my hair off. I am sure there will be tears associated that.

Knowing 2 people that have gone through treatments, who are willing to share their experiences with me and answer questions, is so SO helpful. I hope that I can also be supportive to someone in the future.

That's it, folks. Lots of emotions that I cannot even begin to share. Thanks for caring enough to read from time to time.

47%

2011-12-12T08:17:00.003-06:00

Went to find any support blogs, those kind written by women who have "been there, done that". It's the same method that helped me find other women who had lost their spouses when they were NOT elderly. In the long run, it was very helpful to me following Greg's death.

So, I found one website, which split off the testimonials by cancer types. Helpful, you would think. However, some of what I read (by those whose experiences were several years back) was truly frightening. And so I will have a LOT more questions, specifically in the area of radiation. One woman was horribly blackened during these treatments (it was painful, to the point of tears, for her to urinate and defecate). She did not have chemo, btw. So not sure how to interpret that one. More than one of those mentioned digestive (bowel) problems that did NOT resolve itself fully after treatment. More scary stuff. The woman who had only the radiation, was scarred so badly that she can no longer have sex. Whoa, let's address THIS issue NOW. I am sexually active and I want to continue that.

The worse statistic was when I went looking for prognosis. Should never have done that. More than one site quoted only a 47% chance of survival at the 5-yr mark, for those with my stage 3C cancer. So tell me again - WHY should I go thru all of this misery? More questions... more sadness.

Peace to all at this holiday season. A lighted Christmas tree brings a little bit of sparkle to my life... thanks, sweetie, for cutting a real tree. The first one I've had the pleasure of enjoying for years and years.

Too tough to handle

2011-12-10T12:39:00.003-06:00

Well, my life has taken its usual turn into the toilet.

I start chemo next Tuesday, 3 sessions, 21 days apart. Then 21 days after the 3rd session, 5 weeks of radiation, every weekday, weekends off. (cause to celebrate, yes?). Then resume chemo, 3 more sessions. That effectively screws me for the next 6 + months.

Bald and freezing in this frostbitten part of the country. Lowered white cell count (hello, infections), lowered red cell count (hello, fatigue and anemia), disappearance of all body hair. As if the very treatments are not enough, I will spare you (for now) the other probable side effects.

Had to order a wig and pay extra for the expedited shipping. Otherwise, it will not be here soon enough to insulate my bald head. And a cap to just wear around the house and to sleep in. Homes are pretty cool during the winters up here, and if I am too cold, I awaken and shiver. Already bought myself an electric throw (smaller than an electric blanket - just need enough to cover ME). And I regularly sleep with sox on (don't like to be cold AT ALL).

I am angry -- so SO angry. I wish God would find another Job. This particular one wants so badly to resign from the position that she did NOT sign up for. I thought I cried a lot when my husband died. That is nothing, compared to the tears I am shedding so frequently now.

I know that I will be the subject of gossip, although people who DO talk about these kinds of things, just do not see it that way. I have a few CLOSE friends that I do and will talk with. But those phone calls about "how are you doing?" just do not fly. If you can't be supportive and genuinely mean it, don't bother. Don't tell me what has worked for you (unless you have gone thru these treatments). A very nice acquaintance recently contacted me via e-mail. She went thru chemo for breast cancer several years ago and has already mentioned some good things to me.

The septic-system guy told her that someone undergoing chemo can "kill" a septic system. Huh. Poison for me, poison for someone's septic system when I visit 'em. If it was warm outside, I would volunteer to pee outside. But it isn't, so I won't.

Every time I brush my hair, or wash or comb it, or dig it out of the collar of my winter jacket, I remind myself that I won't be doing this much longer. And I am sad. Hair is so much of what a woman perceives herself to be. Those who remark that "it's only hair" (said by those who have NOT had this wonderful experience) - you can take a flying (fill in the blank). This is not comforting to tell anyone, and especially not to tell a woman. I will spend the next 6 + months feeling and looking absolutely crummy. Trying to eat when there is no appetite, trying to sleep when I am absolutely exhausted yet too miserable to nap, trying to keep warm when my body weight is still not that great, trying to avoid infections (yeah, no one ever coughs or sneezes in this wintry area), trying to get things done when the energy level is down.

My friend (who lives in Texas' Hill Country) told me that Robin Roberts (an ABC news person) merrily went about her "usual" life while dealing with breast cancer. And this friend told me that she discovered that Ms. Roberts was able to do this because she could afford a drug that costs $6,000 dollars and which really beefs up ones energy level. My friend was not that fortunate. Finally, towards the end of her treatment and with her blood counts very, VERY low, she had this drug and realized how nice it would have been, if she could have afforded it all along. There is no justice, no mercy, no equality, where cancer is concerned.

I have some photos of myself with hair. I had them taken, so that I can go into the hairdresser with my wig (delivery next week) and have it trimmed into a reasonable resemblance of my "old" look. When my head is shaved (probably the week after next), I hope to be able to be brave enough to have photos taken and to post them, too. But no promises.

Well, I have probably written a depressing blog that most will not want to read. But it IS my blog, and for me it is a public journal. My life goes on, but I am no so sure that I want it to. Too tough... I will break soon.

Feeling much better!

2011-12-01T15:55:00.004-06:00

At last... an upbeat-sounding post. Betcha thought I was never going to write one again, but you were wro-o-o-n-n-g...

Feeling so, so SO much better. And what a relief. I don't think I ever copped to the fact of just HOW much weight I had (thankfully, only temporarily) gained. But is was 14 pounds, readers! A lotta fluid to pack onto my 5'3" frame. I went into this at 111 pounds and emerged at 125. So you can see just why NOTHING fit me. And this extra weight was from my lower rib cage level into my mid-thighs. Not pretty. I had to quickly pick up some medium-sized sweats, 2 pairs, just to get me through. And even then, they were extremely uncomfortable, because they have tie-string tops, and if they are not cinched up a wee bit, you might be exposing your underlovelies to the general public. And my poor gut was so, SO sore, that even having clothing touching it, was not a pleasant experience.

And that giving up on the painkillers? Not such a good idea. The pain was so bad that it made me nauseous, which brought its own set of unpleasant side effects, like NO appetite. And I knew that I needed to eat, in order to help my body heal. So I went back on the painkillers, sparingly, even slicing some of 'em in half. And that was an improvement, as my appetite returned. Unfortunately, so did that ol' evil side effect, so I resorted to some over-the-counter stuff to relieve that. Ugh. Those things are in and of themselves, evil personified. Caused awful cramps and made me afraid to be too far away from a restroom.

Before I forget, I would like to give credit to a wonderful nurse, J, at the Hermantown clinic, where I have my INR tests performed. (That's a test to ensure that the blood-clotting factor is at an acceptable range, for one who has an artificial heart valve.) She was the one who suggested that the PAIN might be causing my awful nausea, and I do believe she hit the nail on the head. She told me this on Nov. 21st (Monday), and she also gave me the GREAT news on that day, that my INR tests showed that I could discontinue the lovenox shots in my gut, my poor, puffy, super-sensitive gut. A wonderful day, that Monday was!

My abdomen was ultra-sensitive to touch, and I think this might be attributed to some internal healing trying to occur. The skin's surface felt like it would, if I had had a severe burn - like raw, exposed nerve endings. I guess, with everything that was removed plus all the rest that was biopsied and moved, there must be a lot that needs healing. I am happy to report that the feeling is closer to normal, and that says a LOT for me.

Now I still have some awful, awful purple bruising along my right side and heavily down that same thigh. And the left thigh was never quite that purple, although it did have some gravitational bruising down the back of that thigh. Plus the cocyx area (tailbone area) has a large purple bruise which did not show until days and days after surgery. All of this bruising is, no doubt, caused by the blood "thinners" that I have to take. And even though I had to reduce that drug before the surgery, it was still necessary to have some of that in my system, so that I did not have a stroke nor throw a blood clot to my heart or lungs. Modern medicine - ain't it grand?

So I am upright, taking nourishment and going forward. Still have NOT heard any results on the post-operative lab tests, and I guess they will let me know what those say this coming Monday, when I go for my post-surgical follow-up. I can only hope and pray that these results say that everything is okay. But one day at a time, as they say.

A special thanks to my high school friend, P, who gifted me with some EXCELLENT chocolates while I was still in hospital. When my appetite returned, I finally felt like tasting them. They are WONDERFUL, especially the spicy ones!! Love, LOVE, LOVE them! Thanks a bunch.

Home now...

2011-11-19T17:04:00.002-06:00

Briefly (because I am not up to par and energy's lagging)...

Yes, I am back home. Surgery went well (as far as I know). Recovery was another story. My body apparently was enamored with the anesthesia and didn't want to emerge from that little slumber. And even then, once the intubation tube was removed, I slipped below the normal blood pressure range. I was flooded with additional fluid to help my heart have some volume to pump and thus keep my bp up. I was in recovery longer than I was in surgery, over 4 hours. My sis and her guy R were finally allowed in to see me and tell me that I was virtually unrecognizable. My face was very puffy, including my eyes, and they had to assume that I was who the staff claimed I was. I think that was about 9:30 pm. They wheeled me down the hall to surgery about 2:20.

Sis tells me that the staff kept them very well informed. And the surgeon chatted with them about 20 minutes, as I was being prepped after surgery to head for recovery.

The release time was probably less than 24 hrs following surgery, and we stopped at the hospital pharmacy for meds and then homeward bound.

I stayed at my sis's (actually at her guy's place, where she resides) until late this morning, when I asked them to bring me back to my place. So here I am. Low energy, low appetite.

Have pulled myself off the prescription painkillers, as I am suffering the extreme constipation that is a known side effect. Ugh. Not fun. But the pain is NOT taken care of by the acetaminophen (tylenol) arthritis strength. I may give in and take a narcotic to allow myself a better night, sleep wise.

I am very, VERY bruised and swollen and tender. Swollen beyond my expectations. My "loose" pajama bottoms are NOT loose. Hoping this resolves itself fairly quickly. I will have to go out in public in pj bottoms, something that I am NOT looking forward to. I want my body back!

Okay. Energy's waning, so that's it for now. Hope to catch y'all up in a few days.

Lunches and coffee and injections...

2011-11-12T20:31:00.004-06:00

Life moves onward...

So I had that little song-and-dance on Thursday to instruct me on injecting the lovenox (pronounced LOW-ven-ox) into myself. This is the "bridge" drug which will give me a different drug to "thin" my blood, hopefully preventing blood clots without causing additional bleeding, both during and after surgery. And as of Thursday night, I discontinued the pills (warfarin) and this morning gave myself my first injection. Not as bad as I thought it might be, but already have a round purple spot from shot #1. That was on my right side, and tonight's (I just completed it) on the left side. The injections must be at least 2 inches from my belly button. It doesn't make me dizzy to do this, but it does smart a bit. I was told to get a "sharps" container to put the discarded syringes in, so I did this. But the darned syringe wouldn't fit through the drop-in spot! The plunger is bigger than the drop-in slot allows. ...the syringe has a shield that drops over the needle after you finish with it, which protects the needle portion. I have been deploying this shield and, for now, just gathering the discarded syringes. I think I will drop off the discarded syringes (what I will have accumulated up til then) at the clinic Monday morning.

Have been trying to figure out if I can snap a photo of me giving myself the injection, but since I need TWO hands to do this (one to pinch up a bit of fatty tissue and the other to stick the needle into the tissue and hold and push the plunger in), you are safe. I don't have a third hand to work the camera. Maybe I can convince my sister to snap one after the surgery!

Had a wonderful lunch yesterday (Friday) with S, a friend from my high school years. A wonderful, warm and supportive friend. She is (and has been for years) a nurse and sometimes gives me explanations on questions I have about procedures. I always feel better after spending time with her. We were apart for years, doing our own things and (in her case) raising a family. Now we live about 30 minutes apart and find we still like spending time together.

ANNNNDDD... I had a "coffee date" on Friday afternoon. Very nice guy and we chatted for about an hour-and-a-half or so. I thought it went pretty well. He lost his wife nearly 2 years ago. We talked about a few people that we (or others) have encountered on these dating services. Old photos (a guy with a BIG belly that was not in his photos), a woman who immediately tried to dictate (telling the man that he should get rid of his motorcycle because SHE thought they were too dangerous), a woman with a live-in boyfriend when she had claimed to be "single", and so on. Nothing dramatic, but some have amusing stories that flesh them out. And those tidbits make you want to be cautious. If I had dated L before he put the "big rush" on me, I probably would never have been in a relationship with him. Seeing someone "on stage" for a few times does help to bring out traits that you may or may not be able to accept.

Tomorrow I have a lunch date with another guy! In his profile, he seemed to have a very good sense of humor, and I like that in a man. The old saying says, "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you will meet your prince." So here I go again...

Mini update

2011-11-09T09:31:00.002-06:00

Finally "caught a break" yesterday. I had been dreaded the financial impact of the cost of a drug that I must self-administer before my surgery.

Little background: I have an artificial heart valve, due to scar tissue on one of my heart valves from rheumatic fever and subsequent strep infections. My valve was not doing its job, so it was replaced in 1992. I must take daily doses of coumadin/warfarin, which keeps my blood a little "thinner" than most, so that the body will not respond to this artificial device by forming protective blood clots, in an attempt to "heal" around the valve. I always thought my valve would be an eventual health problem, but this time it is playing a significant challenge in my pre-op instead. I must give myself shots in my gut, twice a day, for 3 days prior to surgery (next Monday is day #1 of this "fun"), plus an unknown number of days after surgery. This drug will "bridge" me to a lower blood-thinning level, one that should protect my heart from blood clots. My poor gut will be sore post-surgery, and I have to stick needles in that post-surgical gut. I can hardly wait.

To top all of this off, the drug is VERY expensive, folks. I had been dreading the portion that I would have to pay for this drug, as my insurer seems to call everything a "deductible". This drug, 20 doses, runs over $1000. I do not have that much extra cash -- and truly, how many DO? Yesterday I stopped at Sam's Club and the pharmacist informed me that I would be paying only $20. Finally, a bit of a break.

Tomorrow, I will have a chest x-ray just before the nurse instructs me on how to do self-sticking. Oh, joy.

Apparently I have the "worst" option of artificial heart valves: the mitral valve can be harder to monitor (for blood thinning) and if the clotting factor is too low, I can throw a blood clot too easily (a stroke); but if the clotting is too high (or thin), I can have internal bleeding which is not a good thing. I had 11 units of blood due to internal bleeding post-surgery, when this valve was put in, 19 years ago.

So, my friends, I hope I have very few complications during or after this surgery. Ideally, I would prefer that the cancer is contained, and that the bleeding or clotting is controlled as much as is possible. I will try to update you following surgery, but that will probably not be for several days.

MORE GOOD NEWS: My surgery date has been moved up! I received a phone call about 30 minutes ago from M, who is the surgical scheduler at the U. Because the surgeon has SUCH a heavy schedule on the 17th (her last patient has a 7 pm surgery time!), one of those patients was offered an alternate, earlier date of the 15th. And bless M, she phoned ME first and gave me this option. I phoned my sis (who along with her guy R) who will be bringing me to Minneapolis for this surgery. Had to leave her a message (they were shopping) and was just starting to key in a text to her, when she returned my phone call and gave me the go-ahead for the earlier date. Can you imagine? TWO pieces of good news. Can I hope for more??!!

Thanks for putting up with my whining! I think I have two "faithful" readers -- or at least two who occasionally post comments. All comments welcome, and thanks to those who "lurk" but do not comment.

A date with ??

2011-11-01T19:37:00.003-05:00

I have now been "scheduled" for my surgery. It's for the Thursday before Thanksgiving, Nov. 17th. Naturally, I have a late-in-the-day slot, which I am sure means that I will be logging not ONE, but TWO nights in the hospital. I do not tolerate hospitals and their routines well, with the insistence of the staff on popping in to do "vitals" just minutes after you have managed to squeak out a moment of sleep, in spite of the constant noise just outside your door.

The surgery will be at the U of M (Minnesota), where there is a good-sized staff that specializes in gynecological oncology.

And I want to be anywhere, ANYWHERE but here, anywhere FUN and worry-free. Instead, I can now add cancer to my list of pre-existing conditions. Too young for Medicare/Medicaid, I can only hope that my insurance will cover a fair amount of the expense. I have already heard that "you can't put a price on health" (try telling that to a health insurer and to my fixed income); that "you are strong, you'll get through this" (heard that when my husband died, too -- folks, you need a new catch-phrase). I cry too easily now, but always when I am alone. I was able to plow on, after Greg died. But this... this is just TOO MUCH for me.

'Bye for now. Thanks for reading.

Me and the big C

2011-10-26T21:07:00.002-05:00

Well, folks, this is becoming very REAL to me. I have been scheduled for a "consult" at the U of MN in the Women's Health Center. Today, a phone call informed me that this will be a 2 to 4 hour appointment. Sobering thought, all that time for who-knows-what.

I wish I had someone's hand to hold through all of this. A none-judgmental warm and caring person. I feel so alone, so lonely. I have been a major support of my late husband through all of his many health issues, and then for my (former) guy-friend through several of his health treatments and issues. And my thanks is: a major, MAJOR health crisis that I will have to go through all by myself. Yes, I have family, my sister and my mother. But it's not the kind of support who can be by my side, to give me a shoulder to cry or sob on, to help me work out my fears. But this is not to be...

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

Shine a little light...

2011-10-14T08:34:00.005-05:00

Oh, how much more optimistic I feel today. And ONE person is responsible for this.

Yesterday (Thursday) and even Wednesday evening, I tossed out a wide net, making phone calls to several family/friends in the healthcare industry, specifically one physicians' assistant and two nurses, all based in the Twin Cities area. My statement to all, after stating my diagnosis, was to ask them if they had any contacts in the gyn/oncology practices in that region.

And the replies basically confirmed what the gyn doc up here had mentioned, in his lovely mid-dinner over-the-phone diagnosis. The best place is at the University of Minnesota, Minneapolis campus.

But... BUT the very BEST phone call came from the wife of my late hubby's cousin C. That's the cousin's initial, but the call was from his wife, initial B. What a WELCOME call. B went thru this very same thing herself 6 years ago, and I did not even know about it. The fact that she herself has the nursing background, plus that she used another large medical practice (not the U) based in the Cities, was a wonderful light in that dark tunnel that the doc's phone call had me in. Night and day, describes my feelings. To echo a cliche, someone who has walked a mile (and THEN some) in my shoes. And to be fair, she said that either the U or this alternate practice would be good choices for me to use.

So, friends and readers, my mood has turned completely around. Pooh on the diagnosis, hooray for those who have experienced this themselves and will SHARE what they went thru. I feel hopeful, not helpless. Thank you, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, B!

Write about what you know best

2011-10-13T13:28:00.003-05:00

Well, that's the "theme" of this particular post. I am feeling very down and you, my dear readers (are there any of you out there anymore?) will get to share my journey into the dumps.

Yesterday I received a phone call from my doc giving me the diagnosis that no woman wants to hear: uterine cancer, as showed up in the tissues that were reviewed from my SECOND round of internal biopsies/D & C. He says it is stage 1, which is, I know, the "lightest" version of cancer. Please don't tell me that I am "lucky", because I do not feel lucky at this particular moment in my life.

Furthermore, my relationship which had been on and off and is finally OFF for good, was maybe not the best one. But it did involve someone that would probably have been by my side. And so I do not have a pair of arms to wrap around me, to hug me, hold me, let me cry on him. So, SO lonely, so lonesome.

I have been told that there are women who HAVE someone in their lives that will NOT do the above, and I feel sorry for them. But right now I am too busy selfishly feeling sorry for myself.

And I had just recently been wading into the world of online dating, without much success, I acknowledge. But feeling positive about the possibilities... Anyone have a guy who wants a gal in MY situation? Yes, I thought not.

I have been told to "put on a mask" and smile, so people will think what a strong woman I am. You know, I got REAL tired of that shit after sudden widowhood. Ask how many widows want to go thru life wearing that mask, just so OTHER people will feel good. What does it get YOU (in this case, ME)?

Sorry, but I think I warned you... I need to throw myself this pity party. It has not even been 24 hrs since I got that phone call. Please allow me a chance to grieve once again. I carried forward with my blog after Greg died, and IF I make it thru this, then maybe someone will benefit from my agony. Or else I will have to leave someone my blog password and ask them to post the final update...

On the positive side: my mammogram was good, and my cardiologist gave me a 2-yr return visit date. So above the waist, good. Below, not so good.

Some people tell widows, as well as those in my situation, that "God doesn't give you anymore that you can bear". Well, I am official proof that this is NOT the case. I am breaking right now... splintering, even as I type.

I feel stupid, sitting at the keyboard in tears. And I don't want to cry only in the shower, as I did following Greg's death. I want to be acknowledged, that I have a right to cry, to grieve. And I hope to come back to a positive attitude, as I do NOT want to drag myself down. Oh, and then when YOU get this diagnosis, you can tell me how perky and smiley you are. And I will KNOW that you are either on some mood-altering drugs and/or alcohol.

I have family and friends in the medical profession, and they are confirming what my doc mentioned in passing: that the best treatment in this state for my situation, is at the gyn/oncology dept. @ the U of MN in Minneapolis. I just hope that appointments are available soon. Let's go ahead and do what needs to get done.

So that's it, folks. My sad, pitiful situation. Lucky, that's me, for sure. Updates will probably follow... I am sure I will smile once again... and it will probably be a very PHONY smile. Check out my eyes - if the mouth is smiling and the eyes are not, then it's a definite paste-on smile. Not me, just a mask. And not fun.

Just a brief suggestion...

2011-07-14T14:24:00.002-05:00

If you have EVER had self-esteem problems of any kind, you might want to read this woman's blog. She lost her husband about 6 months before Greg died, and I somehow found her blog on-line (of course, where ELSE would I have found it?). She has been very open about sharing her highs AND lows.

Anyway, even if you haven't lost a spouse, but occasionally read my blog, give her current post a try.

Thanks.

Janine's blog

Oh, so bad...

2011-06-08T14:12:00.007-05:00

I just don't know what happened to me. Lost the "big Mo" or something like that. My apologies to any (are there any?) faithful readers.

Before I go on, let me mention something that has been requested of me. This seems like a worthy cause, so if you are in the region that this covers (appears to be the northeastern part of the U.S), please consider hosting a child or children. I never went to summer camp, but grew up in a small town and had exposure to the outdoors a-plenty. But for an inner-city child, this might be a dream come true. Please note that it appears this takes place in EARLY July, so time is of the essence. Thank you for considering this.

Fresh Air Fund

On a positive, slightly personal note... my life is, once more, back to the previous mode, only a bit better. Without trying to sound mysterious, it was a personal thing and I believe that things are going well, looking UP, and I am more optimistic. And then I will drop this subject.

Getting tired of the cooler/colder weather that keeps rearing its ugly head up here in Da Nord Country. Not even reaching 60 degrees today, folks. My friends in Texas would probably like relief from the sweltering or scorching heat they are experiencing, but I doubt that they would like THIS weather.

The lupines are flowering along the dirt road from my guys' house. Mostly seem to be the purple/violet shades, with a handful of white ones. And lilacs are in bloom in the area, too. I always missed lilacs, all the time I lived in Texas. The only time I encountered lilacs during that time, was on a trip to London in May in the mid-90's. First I smelled them, then followed my nose to the source. In a public park - I think it may have been Hyde Park. Isn't that the one that has the Speaker's Corner? But then again, some years have intervened and my memory isn't all THAT trustworthy.

So, once again, apologies to any readers. I will try harder to post, honestly, I will. Hugs to all...

A worthy video!

2011-04-25T08:30:00.004-05:00

I know that I have not posted in SO long a time, that folks may have thought they had perhaps missed my obituary. Not so...

A friend was "conversing" on Facebook yesterday, and a friend of hers recommended this video for her. I had immediate need for this subject... and so I googled the speaker and found and watched the video.

Excellent, excellent video - maybe more for women than for men, but we all could probably benefit from viewing Brene Brown's talk.

Heads up! this video is 20 minutes in length!

Brene Brown on vulnerability

My life is (once again) in turmoil. So I will probably not have time for posting much in the upcoming days. I am once again moving on... life throws me curve balls, and here I am without a glove to catch 'em...

Women NEED to read this!

2011-02-09T10:06:00.002-06:00

Ladies -- no matter what your age is, you need to read this woman's blog. I know you may think you are too young to be widowed, but the truth is, no one is too young for that unfortunate occurrence.

Pleas, PLEASE do yourself a favor and read her blog. If nothing else, it should make you more compassionate for those who are widowed.

Read -- Through a Widow's Eyes.

That's all I am asking. I was 59 with no kids, my sister 51 with one child (age 17) still at home, and since my unfortunate event, I have been (through various blogs) introduced to others who are a LOT younger with VERY young children.

So consider this a public service announcement. I have become an advocate of widows since it happened to me. I may not be banging gongs on street corners, but in my own quiet way, I am in ALL of the corners of ALL widows (and widowers).

Thanks for reading this blog, and for (I hope) reading Through a Widow's Eyes.

Sorry, my apologies...

2011-01-23T20:18:00.003-06:00

So, so VERY sorry that I have not posted in a long time. I seem to either (1) not have enough time; or (2) be totally uninspired and NOT willing to bore readers with a "nothing" post. However, my several weeks of recent silence is really due to (3) a crummy, awful, energy-robbing "bug" that I have been fighting off and on and on and on, for several weeks. You know -- one of those things that makes you think that tomorrow you will SURELY feel better. I tried holing up at the house, trying to avoid contact with others (to avoid spreading this thing around and to concentrate on taking care of myself). And sometimes, out of desperation, just going on and socializing anyway.

Truthfully, many, many others in this park have been experiencing similar problems and we have been exchanging tips and ideas for fighting it off. I guess the best route is the old tried-and-true: lots of rest, drinking lots of liquids and "dosing" myself with OTC drugs as needed. My best "drug of choice" is a generic version of Benadryl (currently it's a Walmart version) - I chop the caplet in half and then swallow one of these babies every 3 to 4 hours. That makes it possible for me to go for several hours without a facial tissue attached to my nose constantly. (Isn't THAT an attractive mental picture?) Add to that, a cuppa hot tea with honey and the juice from a lemon wedge, which is very soothing to my scratchy throat AND is a source of that "lots of liquids" that I mentioned earlier.

Hmmm... let's see what other fun items I can share with y'all.

My s.o., Mr. L, admits to a weakness for snacks, and altho' he loves to snack, he's asked me to hide them (the snacks) from his ready reach. And in this little place where we live outside of Tampa, that is DEFINITELY a challenge. I thought I had found the perfect solution. And that lead to THIS --

Yes, my "perfect" hiding place was the oven. I thought for sure that I would easily remember to remove the snacks before I pre-heated the oven. Preparing to bake some tilapia for dinner Thursday evening, I set the oven temp and turned on the oven. After several minutes, my (slighty stuffed-up) nose detected an unfamiliar odor, leading my brain to think, "I wonder what that smell is?"

And THEN the light bulb came on, as I realized what it probably was. I madly reached for the oven mitt and opened the oven door. The good news? I retrieved the two containers of mixed nuts (two different blends) before they were melted/welded to the oven rack and also before the containers were destroyed. The bad news? See the photo, with oven mitt and its permanently-attached ring of blue plastic from the lid of the nuts. Geesh... BTW, the tilapia was delicious. Sometimes it just isn't easy, being me...

It's beginning to look a lot like...

2010-12-20T21:05:00.017-06:00

Well, in all honesty, it's beginning to look a lot like autumn. Leaves are turning yellow and red here in the Tampa area. And even though we have had some cool and some downright cold temps (yes, compared to the average temps here), we still are having some warmer and sunshine-y days. And tomorrow I will be golfing with "the girls" (none of us having seen girlhood in 50 - 60 years) and I am hoping it is warmer than the predicted upper 60's when we tee off.

So finally got some Christmas cards written and addressed. Since this is a more metropolitan-style community than Duluth, there is a marked absence of mailboxes. The mailbox (L tells me it is a "snorkle" box) closest to us is across the highway - 6 lanes with speed limit of 50 mph -- and if you want to cross that road as a pedestrian, you risk being a statistic. So ya gotta hop in the car, and wait and wait to nose into that traffic. Three lanes each way, and I hafta go east (right), then in less than a block, cross three lanes to the left-turn lane, make a U-turn (it's legal at that place) and then cross three more lanes (westbound, this time) and make a right into a parking lot. And I did that just before 4 pm. Only to find that this mailbox has ONE pick-up time -- and that WAS at 10:30 am.

Click HERE to see the map. I enter at the green B, go right, U-turn at Osprey Lane, go left on 54, and then right turn into the parking lot. Most traffic is going 50 mph-plus.

Geez, all I wanted to do was get some Christmas cards in the mail. So BACK in the car and a drive up to the Land o Lakes (yes, that is the name of the city) post office. Technically, we live in Land o Lakes (by geography), but our mailing address is Lutz. L, my former postal employee guy, says that is because our mail is routed through the Lutz post office. Lutz, btw, is pronounced, LOOTZ.

If you want to see our humble winter abode, zoom in on the satellite map a bit. We are at the corner of Pond Drive and Lake Drive (far right side of the rv park), in the northwest corner of that intersection. If you zoom in enough, you can see our F350 on the Pond Drive side, and the Rav4 on the Lake Drive side. Hah -- it's official. It's on sat-tuh-lite!

Now I'm looking at two small boxes that need to be mailed. I'm afraid that this good idea of a few presents will be costlier than what we have invested in the gifts so far. Since it would be nice to have those gifts reach the recipients before Christmas, we may be paying a premium price for this procrastination.

I have set an alarm for 2:30 am, in case we decide to see the lunar eclipse. Maybe I'll come to my senses and just turn off the phone's alarm and go back to sleep.

And since the Vikes have gone down in defeat in this Monday night frost-box game, it's time for me to close up operations, too. 'Night.

Where have I (we) been??

2010-11-26T12:02:00.012-06:00

Well, what a long, strange road it's been.
We left the Duluth area October 31st and headed for Chicago. L wanted to go to a exhibition of packagers and cappers and so on, called PackExpo. Some very neat machinery to assist in filling, capping, labeling and packaging of goods, and OF COURSE all it takes to automate is lots and lots of cash. Still, nice to see what life could be like if this business was very profitable.

Then we left on November 1st on a 2-day drive to Texas' Hill Country. Sigh... I feel like I'm home, when I am back there. Hard to believe that I had last seen Texas in August of 2009, when my house closing happened and we loaded up a full-sized U-Haul truck and headed to MN.

We spent several days in Texas, and L got to the Alamo and was impressed at the length of the battle (several weeks, for those who do NOT know that), and just how out-numbered the Texans were in that struggle. He even actually enjoyed several bottles of Shiner Bock beer (great stuff -- y'all should try it!). I believe we left Texas on Nov. 6th and arrived back in Lutz/Land-o-Lakes on the 7th. And "enjoyed" a flat tire on the trailer about 70 miles of so away from our destination. Always something interesting with at least one of our "fleet" of vehicles, at some point in our travels! Last year we had problems with the F350 on our return to MN in April.

L had been working with someone at a major home-shopping-type network for about a year, trying to get them to carry/distribute his glass cleaner product. And try as he may, he could not get a purchase order from them before we left for Chicago and Texas. But we got to FL and THEN the p.o. came thru. Well, there were so many loose ends that L felt compelled to go back to Duluth and do what he could to shepherd this order into production. That order was for 2,500 single-unit orders, all going to Germany for a European "cousin" of this shopping network. His operation is SMALL, folks -- hand-labeled, hand-capped bottles... very labor-intensive. It required using some outside labor for labeling, and then overtime for those of us who could/would be able to produce this quantity.

Without going into a lot of detail: we DROVE back from FL to MN, non-stop (except for refueling and potty breaks), leaving FL at noon on Nov. 16th (Tues.) and arriving at 3 pm the next day. Completely exhausting -- I fell asleep behind the wheel as we were getting VERY close to Duluth. Fortunately, he was NOT sleeping and guided the car back from the right shoulder to the right-hand lane lane. I snapped awake at that point and yes, we DID switch out drivers at that point. I had been awake over 30-plus hours by then. I do NOT sleep well in cars, no matter how tired I am. Unless I am behind the wheel for 5 hours at a time or more , apparently.

I can't tell you how many hours we put in, getting this order ready for pick-up. And the labor costs were higher, due to the last-minute nature of this order. But the important thing is that this order WAS generated, and now sales in Germany will tell when the next order will come through. The rep that L is working with, hopes to bring this product also to Great Britain and (we hope) to the U.S. market, as well. Those of you who ARE familiar with L's line of products will NOT see this under his own label, if it is ever on national-shopping network(s). It is under a private-label product line. It was strange, I must say, to see the instructions converted to German, on this new product's label!

Please note that we did NOT drive non-stop on the way back to FL. We left at 1 am on Saturday, Nov. 27, arriving back here in FL around 8 pm on Sunday. And I'll try to post some more detail on that.

BTW - we were SO fortunate to experience snow on this visit to MN, too. Sigh... is that REALLY a necessity?

Random Thoughts

2010-10-25T14:19:00.006-05:00

We went to a college hockey game Saturday night. Fun. Haven't been to a hockey game in years - think the last one was the minor-league hockey team that was Houston-based, the Aeros. Funny thing... I was just checkin' out the Aeros website and see that it states, "primary affiliate of the Minnesota Wild"! Anyway, last game attended there was back in the 90's, I am guessing. The college game was played at an older arena, with a new one scheduled to open Dec. 1st. And I was scanning the seated crowd and was struck by the fact that it appeared to be so white (as in Caucasian). After spending 25 years in multicultural Houston, this is still so jarring to me.

This area has a LOT of blue-collar workers and those who work with their hands. The recession has been tough on the surrounding towns and residents. Homes are posted for sale and stay on the market for months and months. Sometimes a "For Sale" sign is removed and you are hopeful that someone has sold their home. But it is eventually re-posted with a different realty company now on the sign. And lake homes (such as the one where L lives) are especially tough to sell, as people give up luxuries during tough times.

It was L's birthday on Tuesday, and his daughter and her family had us to their house for dinner. Nice treat, where you don't have to cook anything! And another dinner on Sunday, this time at his son's home. They also invited L's daughter and her family (5 in the family for them), plus another couple - L's son works with the husband - so there were 11 to feed. So a SECOND treat, where we had no food responsibilities except to show up.

After eating and visiting with everyone, we drove in the direction of home, stopping at the Inn to watch the remainder of the Vikings - Packers game. Ugh -- a tough loss, and I did not like that so many of the Packer fans booed Brett Favre at the end of the game. Brett was on the Packer's sidelines, exchanging handshakes and so on with former teammates, being very gracious in defeat. Oh, well... I am sure that the Vikings have their share of bad sportsmen in the stands.Sigh... Being a Viking fan means you never ever really believe in your heart that they can "win the big one". Unlike the Twins, who have, at least twice in the past century (OMG - it HAS been that long) won the World Series. There are countless jokes told and retold, about two Minnesota Scandinavians being sent to Hell, and they are not discouraged by conditions there. Raised in so much cold weather, they are actually enjoying the heat. So the Devil changes tactics and makes Hell a frigid place, so cold that they will start complaining. But not the Scandinavians. As the temperature dips lower and lower, they begin to rejoice, hugging each other, hooping and hollering. The Devil is astounded and taken aback. "What", he asks these two,"are you so happy about?" One of them turns to him and replies, "The Vikings won the Super Bowl!" The Devil: "How do you know this?" and they reply, "Hell froze over!"

I am looking forward to this weekend and our push towards Tampa. Warm weather, you are only a few days away (with stops in Texas's Hill Country and in New Orleans, on our journey to Florida)!

Autumn color

2010-10-01T14:00:00.010-05:00

It must be very tedious to see these same-ol' same-ol' autumn color pix on various blogs. Sorry... I cannot help myself. The color is so much better if you'll click on the individual photos to make 'em bigger.

Yesterday (Thursday) was an absolutely, knock-down gorgeous day, weather-wise and color-wise. I grabbed L's camera (since I have lazily "forgotten" to charge my camera up recently), snapping photos on the way to town (about a half-hour drive), and then a few more on the way back. Leaves were beginning to fall already, and with cooler nights ahead, more of 'em would be following their fallen comrades. So there was no time for delaying the photo op!

This tall yellow-leaved tree is standing behind L's old Toyota Tundra pickup.If you enlarge the photo, you will see a tiny little white orb near the top of the tree, on the left side. It's the moon, trying to peek out through that beautiful blue sky!

This was the view I had when I headed down the driveway Thursday morning. Nature can brighten your mood, can't she?

Color, color everywhere. I took another photo... Just a bend to the left in the road, but so much more, on a bright and sunny fall day.

I'll leave you with this, another bend - to the right this time...

Meeting the "in-laws"

2010-09-21T13:33:00.006-05:00

As most of my "faithful" readers know, my husband Greg passed away in May of 2008. And now my status - it IS, after all, official since it IS on Facebook - is "in a relationship". My significant other and I both have strong personalities and can both have some blockheaded views but we are working on those. These sentences are just to lay the groundwork for my little tale...

A few weeks ago I received an invitation to a 50th birthday party in the Cities (Twin Cities, for those of you not from this area -- Mpls/St. Paul) for the youngest of Greg's cousins, D. I have seen this family only once since Greg died, when they graciously included me in a family birthday party for those with July birthdays, in July of 2008. It was hard for me - they were very solicitous, and the mother of the cousins (sister of my late mother-in-law) made some comments that she probably thought were kind, but they instead made me tear up. She is a lovely, kind lady and in no way intended to evoke those tears, I am sure.

(As usual, I digress. Maybe I should rename my blog, "I digress". Or "Off on a tangent".)

So I told L about the party and that I intended to go. I know he was hesitant about this, meeting the "cousins in-law", but he did agree to go with me.

The party was held in a tent in the back yard of Greg's cousin C (brother of D) and his wife B. Both great folks - good senses of humor, wonderful hosts, and I have known them for years. I think they were married a couple of years following my wedding, so about 23 years for their marriage now. We did not know that D had not informed her brother C that I was coming to this party - only that a "mystery" guest was attending. So when L and I walked in the door, they were surprised. And we were greeted warmly. Of course, L was a bit "stand-offish", as most would be under the circumstances. But that quickly changed as folks started talking with him - cousin C is an avid, and very GOOD golfer, and since L is trying to improve his game, they were off and running on that topic.

It was so good for me to see these cousins - C is the oldest, then the sisters, C, C and D follow - and one of the sisters brought their mother, Aunt M, and it was good to see her under better (for me) circumstances. There was plenty of wine (brother C is a wine afficionado) and they cooked up probably 10 or 12 entire beef tenderloins on the grill. We were well-fed, pleasantly so.

Brother C gave L his seal of approval, since L and he had traded jibes back and forth several times throughout the afternoon and evening. And Aunt M told me in confidence before she headed for her own home, "You have my approval." And then added, "Not that you need it..." Very sweet of her to say so.

My sister, who had been widowed about 6 years by the time she paired up with her guy, presented him to her brothers- and sister-in-law (those who were living in this area at the time). Now THAT has to be intimidating -- the direct blood relatives of her late husband! Needless to say, that also went well. So I feel blessed (and I am sure that Sis also does) that these meet-ups went well. I have heard countless tales of in-laws who resented the fact that the widow/widower of their child had the audacity to date again. Or a brother or sister of the deceased feels slighted by that same activity.

My husband's only surviving blood relative is his brother. And I believe he would be accepting of L -- but this brother is NOT one to keep in contact with his family, including the above-mentioned cousins. And I have not been in phone contact with him in some time, although I do occasionally talk with his current wife AND his former wife, both wonderful women. My direct in-laws are not a factor, since my father-in-law died in March of 2008, just months before Greg himself died. I am in contact with HIS wife (second wife - Greg's mother died in 1992) and she and I get along well, speaking on the phone several times during the year. She knows all about L, as we have conversed about him (and myself) several times. She is as supportive of me as if I were her own daughter.

All of this prattling on, just to tell you that "they liked him, they REALLY liked him" - to paraphrase Sally Fields in her Oscar-winning acceptance speech. If they had not taken to him, I know that I would still be with L. But it gives me a good feeling, knowing that Greg's side of the family does like him. And it's a weight off my shoulders that I was not even previously aware that I had been carrying. Other widows/widowers can certainly relate, I am sure.

Peace and hugs, y'all.

Suspicious characters detained at the border...

2010-08-30T13:23:00.003-05:00

In a post titled "O Canada", I groused a little bit about a Canadian Customs official, but also pointed out that our country had much to complain about (LOTS more).

And of course they eventually provided me with fodder for a bitch session here on the blog. We got to the border around four-ish yesterday (Sunday). On the way BACK into the U.S. of A., you must stop for the U.S. Customs to examine your documents. Which we of course did. They said that they were doing random checks, had us move our vehicle to a certain point, turn off the ignition, and go into their headquarters. Where we surrendered our documents (again) and answered some of the same questions the Canadian guy had asked when we ENTERED Canada. L had to produce his Canadian fishing license (we had the legal limit of 4 fish - 8 fillets - with a strip of skin attached to show the species of the fish). Then L explained that he had his own business, I again replied that I was retired, and the U.S. Customs gal asked "From where?" I just don't get it. I think - for the next time travelling between between here and our neighbors to the north - I'll invent some stupid employer and even dumber position at that fictitious employer. Or maybe I'll tell 'em I am a professional blogger and that I am using this experience to give me material to blog about. Any suggestions for that employer or position?

We had to fill out a page on anything we'd bought in Canada - a pair of $29 (Canadian money) leather gloves and I had the receipt. They asked questions about my passport, which had only been renewed a couple of weeks prior to our trip. And "Where were you born?" - for me, and the passport declares my birthplace as California. So my reply was "San Diego". I must be of GREAT interest to them - all these questions FOR ME, including where my residence was. Geeezzzz... They wanted to know what OUR relationship was. I suppose I could have given them some raunchy reply, but I'll bet that they do NOT have sense of humor. Plus they dug through the entire car, which I could tell by the placement of items from where they HAD been, to where they were sitting upon our return. We were completely legal - no weapons, no tobacco, only 3 cans of beer (purchased in the U.S.), etc.

Yup, we were definitely suspicious. As were the others we saw in the same building: a husband-and-wife with 3 young kids, a handful of young folks returning from a church function (the one gal had a head covering similar to an Amish or Mennonite hat), a few young guys who had also been there fishing, and (as we were finally being released) two couples, travelling together, ages approximately 50's or 60's. Yes, we all looked like drug smugglers, or weapons smugglers, or illegal transporters of tobacco, or.... Sigh. So much time wasted for NOTHING. And after a 20-minute delay, we were on our now-not-so-merry-way. They sure know how to ruin a good mood. I feel very violated when this happens (I remember when they used to hand search all luggage at the airports). Hope they enjoyed rummaging through my dirty clothes bag.

When we returned to our vehicle, they had the hood up on the car behind us. I'm not sure just what one might try to hide there, but I'll have to keep that in mind and see if I could put a small suitcase wedged in there sometime. Just to make 'em happy and hoping that it contains contraband...

Well, just posting this makes me seethe. I have a couple of photos that I might post on one more blog. Happy trails, y'all. And IN SPITE of U.S. Customs, I still enjoyed Canada and we experienced mostly great weather. I might even try another visit. So I have to think about my pre-retirement employer...

Ontar-eee-ooohh

2010-08-28T17:20:00.008-05:00

Another day on Roderick Lake, a day to do some SERIOUS fishing, y'all. And so we headed out this morning -- not ALL that early BTW. Probably got on the water about 10:15 or a bit later. We took the time to sleep in, then cooked up some bacon and eggs and I figured out the coffeemaker and brewed up some caffeine, too.

It was much cooler this morning than Friday had been, and very cloudy, too. So we both donned jackets (and I put a fleece zip-up under mine), and L popped on a baseball cap, as well. We actually did NOT fish on this lake (Roderick) but on another that his friend P does NOT "share" with most people. Obviously, P liked L enough to share the locale of this one with him, years ago. And that one is a goldmine, for walleyes. I kid you not: we were not on the lake for even THREE minutes, and L landed his first one. The second one followed by about ten minutes. Eventually, after about 2 1/2 hours, we called it quits. Plenty to eat for dinner, plus some to bring back across the border (regulations allow us 4 walleyes per license, per day) - so we can bring back a day's limit with us. It rained lightly, and neither of us had any rain-repelling gear (I did not have any, and he had forgotten his at his home in Duluth). But we kept on, keepin' on. It was fun - I hadn't done any of that since I was a kid, and my main memories from then, were of extreme boredom while being forcefully kept in a boat and told to be silent. Ugh.

So, from a relative rookie start-up, I did okay. I really was babysitting one of his baited lines when I got a "hit". Wow! He told me how to set the hook, and since it was raining, the handle on the rod was slippery. I had enough to do, just to try to hold onto the slippery devil, but then had to try to reel it in and land it in the boat, to boot. And I was gettin' that bad boy close to the boat, when he broke the line and took off with my bright yellow jig. Damn. All that for nuttin'.

Obviously, this li'l guy was NOT a "keeper", so we returned him to swim with his other li'l buddies. Isn't fishing (in the rain) glamorous? My straggly, rain-soaked hair and saturated jacket tell the tale without words! And the rain was washing the oils from my face, stinging my eyes.

We continued fishing, and I actually landed a few. Towards the end of our fishing day, L got one of the biggest ones we'd caught -- and, tah-dah! it had MY jig in its jaw! So I was revenged! Plus L got the jig back. We ran out of bait (crawlers), and ended up fishing with artificial worms, which strangely DID work.

So... It was a goo-oo-ood day, folks - and one last photo of the happiest fisherman at this camp.

O Canada...

2010-08-27T14:11:00.005-05:00

This day finds me in the province of Ontario, specifically in a fishing "camp" on a lake named Roderick. L's friend P owns this camp and also the float planes (yes, plural) that bring folks like us to this site. L and I will have free lodging, as he will be looking at some generator glitches that this site has sometimes. P converted to solar power last year, but cloudy days sometimes makes the use of one or both generators for backup electrical power.

First, some comments on Canada -- and these are NOT criticisms, because God knows, those of us who live in the U.S. of A. have plenty to criticize in our OWN country. These are just observations.

Crossing the border was uneventful, altho' I did get the feeling that the Canadian border agent just plain ol' had "nose trouble". How else do you account for the following dialogue? We were asked what we did for employment. L replied that he had his own company, manufacturing cleaners. And I in turn replied that I was retired. He wanted to know from where. What bearing does that have on my crossing the border?! He already had our passports and drivers licenses, BTW. And we had already responded to questions about alcohol, tobacco, pets - in a truthful manner. Natch.

The liquor stores here are government (national, that is) run. So I believe that
means that the prices are set without input by local citizenry. And the hours? Well, you don't have time to reinforce your alcohol input on a late-night whim. At least not in Red Lake, the place where we spent last night. The blinkin' LCBO (not sure what those letters stand for) closed at 6 PM! We arrived at the door at, like, 1 or 2 minutes AFTER that hour. Frizzle-frazzle! I had one bottle of wine that was supposed to last me until at least Sunday?! And I do enjoy a glass or two with the evening meal or in the early evening. So we'd brought a bottle across the border with us, anticipating purchasing another one to pack into the fish camp. L is a beer drinker, and the fish camp apparently stocks that (I am sure we will pay for any he will consume), and he had 6 cans that he'd brought with him.

As usual... off on a tangent, I am. Returning to the subject (which was...) of finding a bottle of wine to purchase. We ate at a local restaurant called Howey's (the bay on Red Lake where this eatery is situated is called Howey's Bay) and L asked the waitress if any other place was open later than 6 PM for liquor sales. And she very nicely told us about a place called Village Variety, about a couple of miles away (she said the distance in kilometers, which is what our metric-using neighbors-to-the-north use for distances) in the Balmertown area. So after dinner we drove there and purchased a second bottle. L made the comment - after we had exited this little store - that he knew just WHAT the focus was (for sales) in that little "variety" store, and liquor was definitely IT. Case in point: the 2-liter bottles of Coke and other non-alcoholic beverages were HEAVY with dust. But not so, with the wine and other alcohol bottles.

L said that Balmertown has a gold mine on the outskirts of town. Said it was one of the richest (as far as production goes) gold mines in the world and is owned by Goldcorp. So the town has a good-sized population of men who work in this industry and probably entertain themselves after work with a drink or several. Thus, the variety store fills a need, I guess. And it sure did for ME!

L is currently perusing (hey, I know a coupla BIG words!) manuals on the generators while I am keying up this blog. It is SO peaceful, quiet, beautiful here. P does not live here - he resides in Red Lake - but has graciously allowed us to stay at "his" cabin. We brought some food with us - bread, milk, bacon, eggs and some sliced deli meats for quick sandwiches. And L hopes to have some luck fishing, maybe get a walleye or trout or two for at least one meal. There are others here, too - a group of six young guys headed here before us, in a larger plane - DeHaviland Otter - as they had a LOT of gear PLUS a lot of groceries. Hey, they're young and probably burn more calories than we old fogies do. And who knows how much beer was included in that cargo? L tells me that the Otter burns 45 gallons of jet fuel an hour. Our little float plane was a Cessna 180 - burns aviation gas.

The flight into this site was great -- albeit noisy. And somewhat bumpy, considering that we were flying into a stiff wind at times. I want to have the camera ready for the flight back. A novel experience that I really enjoyed!

The weekend before this one was L's 50-year high school reunion. Fun times, nice folks. That was on Saturday. On Sunday, there was a small gathering of some of MY classmates, as one gal was in town visiting from Arizona. We contributed one or two side dish-y type things, and brought something to throw on the barbecue, as well. The weather was beautiful for those days, and this one is promising similar weather. When August rolls around in northern MN, it can get suddenly QUITE cool/cold. I am enjoying each warm day, trust me.

Yep, I did it...

2010-08-16T16:21:00.002-05:00

About two weeks ago, we were traipsing around a golf course where L's son was competing in a tournament. Nice course, obviously helped a lot to be a private country club where the dues would help to keep the course in top shape. Money DOES help...

Anyway, we were there for 3 days, as he competed Friday thru Sunday. After the round ended on Sunday, we packed up and went back to the car. And I, of course, discovered that I had forgotten my hot-pink (fuschia?) hoodie. I am NOT crazy about that term - hoodie -- but it beats the descriptive phrase, zip-front fleece cover-up with a hood. But I digress, as they say. In fact, I had left it in the little basket of the golf cart we were using, and said cart was now in use by someone else. A second tourney was going on, and this was a two-guy playoff. We were told that they were probably at the 3rd hole, and actually they were at the 4th hole, along with my hoodie in the back of a cart. So L halted our cart at #4 behind the spectators, I ran over to the other cart and grabbed my cover-up and dashed back. Twisted my right foot and ankle but no harm done. Or so I thought. In the week-and-a-half following, I had some pain and swelling and redness, along with a warmth that seemed to indicate infection.

In true Cleopatra-queen-of-denial fashion, I kept thinking it would get better. And I finally succumbed to seeing my doc on Thursday. Xrays confirmed that I had broken the second metatarsal bone of the foot. The good news is that NO CAST is required - it is a non-displaced fracture. Since L's high school class reunion is coming up this weekend, that is great. The doc required me to get crutches, with admonitions to STAY OFF that foot as much as possible. Yeah, right -- but I have propped up my leg/foot as frequently as I can, since being told to elevate it. And it aches less and the swelling is not as significant or frequent as it had been.

This is the second break that I have sustained in 3 years, the other one being my little finger in a stumbling fall I took in September of '07. That tumble also earned me seven handsome blue-sutured stitches in my chin, too. Before that time, my only bone breaks were the result of two sternotomies (where your breastbone is sawed thru, vertically), performed during my two open-heart surgeries. The last one was 18 years ago. Without going into gory detail, I had a defective mitral valve as an indirect result of a bout of rheumatic fever at age 9. First surgery was at age 38 - Feb. 1987; and the second at age 43 - June 1992 - when the valve was replaced with a mechanical one. I have some old photos that I will try to locate and share with y'all someday. I know -- the squeamish among you can hardly wait! But if/when I post the photos, they will be tasteful (say what?!). No nudity...

So I lead a dull life...

More sunset pix

2010-08-06T12:51:00.008-05:00

A few days ago, we had had a bunch of rain. And that probably helped set the scene for these rather pretty sunset pix. I am only showing a few, and again I wish I had a better camera. Oh, well.

These are displayed in the order taken (some other ~~not-so-good~~ pix I just did not show!). I have been told that the difference between a good photographer and a bad photographer, is that the good one just does not share his/her crummy pix with others.

And the grand finale - the wonderful cloud formations made this a spectacular sunset to snap. I went inside TWICE, but as the colors deepened, I just had to return for a few more pix. Sigh...

Camp Widow

2010-07-28T15:33:00.002-05:00

I do not know how many widows/widowers read my blog (or in fact, how many have EVER read this). However, having been recently in contact with a younger widow (lost her spouse at age 39), at her request, I am publishing this note --

Camp Widow will be held in San Diego this year, from Aug. 6 - 8 (Friday thru Sunday). It is NOT a place for much weeping and gnashing of teeth. Instead, it is a place to meet others who are in YOUR place, who have many of the same concerns and anxieties and problems that we have faced, are still facing. Young children at home, financial concerns, possibly how/when to approach dating... you get the picture.

Here's the website for registration:

CAMP WIDOW

It looks like a great time, with workshops that you will certainly find helpful, or possibly eye-opening. I wish that I had found this group, especially during my initial year or so of widowhood. Believe me, like most non-elderly widows, I was floundering. And I am not saying that elderly widows do NOT flounder. Loss is difficult for all of us, no matter the age when it happens.

Anyway... Quoting from the registration site:

"Camp Widow welcomes anyone who has lost a life partner to participate in this program. We are an inclusive, non-denominational organization focused on hope and healing through the grieving process." So... I think they are saying, if you see yourself as a widow/widower, then WELCOME.

Even if you can drive down for just one of the days and check out a few workshops, please check it out. And maybe let me know how it was for you. {{{HUGS}}} to you all. I'll be there in spirit...

APX Alarm SUCKS

2010-07-06T15:45:00.003-05:00

Yes, just another way to bleed money away from a widow's hands...

In 2008, my husband contracted with APX Alarm for a two-year contract (reduced rates when signing for two years, probably). The alarm ~~stick-up artists~~ company would debit our VISA card automatically for those two years. So then the following turn of events occurred:

Greg died in May of 2008

I sold my house and closed on it in August 2009

I contacted APX that same month, and they told me that, unless the new occupants/owners decided to "pick up" the contract, APX was legally able to debit my VISA card until May of 2010

I informed the new owners of this and left it up to them. Obviously, they chose to NOT have a contract with APX, as the automatic "hickies" to my VISA account continued.

When I saw the debit for May of this year, I assumed it would be the last one

Imagine my delight at seeing yet another debit, dated June 28, 2010...

I phoned APX and had the door shut in my face, as far as being able to cancel the automatic renewal that had taken place. NO ONE had told me that this would be an automatic renewal, and now I am paying $43.xx monthly for a goddamned house that I do not even care about anymore. Although I am sure the current owners attach some value to this place.

The sweet-talkin' customer rep had the balls to ask me if "there was anything else he could do for me" -- as if this was NOT enough that they were doing TO me

This is a warning to one and all... pump those damned customer reps for ALL information and FORCE them to tell you when or IF a contract will renew automatically

I am SMOKIN'...

Bambi...

2010-06-24T12:15:00.009-05:00

Lots of deer movement in our neck of the woods recently. We saw a very young fawn gamboling along the dirt/gravel road last week. This was a bit unusual, as they almost always hover alongside their mamas at this age. He ran in front of us as we were driving along the gravel rode, heading into L's shop that morning, with Bambi mostly keeping toward the right side.

Every once in a while he would pause and look back at us.

He ran for about a mile, right up to the paved area which crosses a small creek/river. Then he balked at the paved bridge, turned around and ran back in the opposite direction, retracing his steps.

And last night, returning from my sister's place - she had fed us some wonderful oven-baked ribs and we had a chance to visit with her three grown kids - it was later than we usually return home. Probably around 10:45 or so as we got closer to our place. L had just cranked his neck to the left, checking to see if a friend's van was in the parking lot of the local inn and I began to chide him about watching the road and then I saw a large ADULT deer who had popped out from the wooded roadside SO closely in front of us, with no warning at all. Just leapt out in front of us. L prides himself on being SO aware of deer movement... and he had just been a near-statistic, himself.

Usually we can count on the deer doing their wandering and moving onto the roadways, either late at night or else early in the morning. But they have been very active in the daytime, this past week to ten days. Guess we need to have our radar on high!

L has an old riding lawnmower that he uses (this place is on a large lot which slopes w-a-a-y-y-y down to the lake) and with all the rain we have had, the grass was in serious need of mowing. So on the first day without rain and WITH the required time available, he climbed on the ol' machine and was making countless passes to get the grass down to a reasonable length. I was doing something at the sink (it faces the backyard where he was mowing) and he drove up to the window and motioned for me to come outside. After I got out there, he related how he was on the left side of the property (as viewed from the lake), made a turn, and was nearly broadsided by an adult-sized deer! His assumption was that this beautiful creature was bedded down between our place and the neighbors' place, and he startled it awake with the sound of the riding mower. In its hurry to get away, the deer came within an arms' length of L on the mower.

Family note: my niece is getting married on the 25th, to a great guy that the entire family likes. I hope they will have many, many years of happiness! Happy wedding, A and S!!

I speak of tires and birds and other things...

2010-06-18T13:14:00.012-05:00

Well... ya gotta laugh, cuz cryin' won't help. This is what happened on our drive into town from the lake this morning.

Details: driving along with an appreciable shake to the truck occurring. As we're talking about bringing the vehicle to the tire shop and getting a second tire replaced (we'd had one replaced a few weeks ago, when it blew out), we both felt it blow out. L looked in the rear view mirrors both inside and outside and said, "I think we have damage to the truck" as he pulled onto the shoulder. And yup, he was not exaggerating. The first tire blowout had been with an inside tire, but this was an outside tire and a strip of the tire cap about 4 feet in length, had obviously pounded the beejeezus out of the fiberglass fender as it was peeling itself off the tire.

<<< Oh, btw, this is what it should look like with fender intact.

We decided to replace the weather-beaten old bird feeder (one that holds seeds for the songbirds in our area) a few weeks ago. Then weeks went on without any birds appearing and the seeds remained at the same level, so we thought we had waited too long to hang it. However, THIS week we spotted some birds using it. A pair of yellow-feathered birds have been there intermittently - I think they are goldfinches, and this morning's chow-hound was a beautiful bird with red-orange on its head and down its back. I have just been Google-ing this bird and believe it is a purple finch -- which are NOT purple, btw, but have a significant red coloring very much like the one I saw at our feeder.

A few photos

2010-06-14T14:45:00.007-05:00

Pretty sunset on the lake last night... here are a few photos. Wish I had a fantabulous camera, but you'll have to make do with my attempts with the current camera. Actually, these were taken with L's camera, as my own is kinda packed away. I need to dig it out and start using it (more). I think it is a bit better than his.

The deer population is still growing. As I was turning into L's driveway yesterday (about 5:30 or so), an adult deer casually strolled near his neighbor's driveway, made its way past the mailbox, and sauntered into the woods. And this morning, we came upon a mama doe and her little fawn, who were moving off the left side of the gravel road and into the woods. Mama was moving a bit more quickly than the lone adult deer we came across on Sunday.

Saw a blue heron on the beach (the temporary one that we have while the lake's levels are so far down) on Sunday, walking beween L's house and headed towards the dock in front of his neighbor's. And we were entertained by one of the loons, who dive completely underwater in search of food (fish), only to emerge from the lake, some distance from their original submersion spot.

I have tried another new recipe (from those freely distributed at the cardiac rehab place). This time it was chili -- and it turned out quite well. L and I both like things a bit spicier, so this was right up our alley. It called for 3 Tbsp of chili powder as well as a pinch of red (or cayenne) pepper. It was ALL very lean ground beef (93% lean!), lots of onion and I added more garlic than the recipe called for, too. The tomato puree was salt-free, except for the naturally-occurring sodium content of the tomatoes themselves. In fact, the over-all taste was a bit sweeter than you would expect out of chili -- but then the after-effect in your mouth grew a bit warm as the chili powder and cayenne did their magic.

And another "miracle" -- L actually suggested that we bring the chili with us, to have for lunch at work today! So we did that, and it was (1) healthy, (2) easy, (3) economical (read: much cheaper than lunch out!) and time-effective. What's not to like, eh? I must say that I violated my own principles and even added a can of black beans (I do NOT like kidney beans) as called for by the recipe. Well, confession here: it called for TWO cans of the beans, and I added one. But I think I will go ahead and add the second can when I make this recipe again. It was a lower-sodium can of beans, plus you actually rinse and drain the beans before adding them. The whole thing is YUM!

Sorry... don't want to turn this blog into a copycat of anyone who actually does a wonderful job of blogging about food. But it is SO nice for me to actually cook at home again AND do it in a healthy fashion.

That's it from the Crispy NorthCountry!

Little things...

2010-06-11T16:20:00.005-05:00

Not much special to blog about...

We have now seen two does (as in deer, a deer, a female deer), one with a pair of very young fawns and the other one with a solo offspring. So, yeah, in one sense, it is springtime in the Northland. Although today was a nasty, nasty day -- cold would have been enough, but coupled with heavy, steady rain, it was bone-chilling. I won't even bother to mention how bad a hair-day it was. It is hard to realize - except by the calendar on the wall in front of me - that it is indeed nearly the middle of June.

The cardiac rehab sessions continue. I think L has had his eyes opened to just how much crap he has been consuming over all these years. On Wednesdays, the 1-hour session is, first, a half-hour on the various exercise machines, then a half-hour talk and Q-and-A on various topics. Last week the expert was a pharmacist who answered questions about prescription meds as well as mentioning interaction with food and also over-the-counter supplements (such as ginseng). This week's talk was on diet and specifically, sodium and how many places it sneaks in its sometimes well-hidden punch. And there were also some questions and explanations of saturated fat. L has always loved a local chain's pizzas (and they are quite tasty!) and I think his consumption of that product alone contributed to a lot of the blockage of his arteries! But he has been very open to the foods that I have prepared and has been pleasantly surprised at how much taste there is to items prepared with low-salt/no-salt products, such as the marinara sauce I made last week and the pork tenderloin that I baked last weekend with lots and lots of veggies.

On Thursdays, he golfs with several guys he went to high school with, and after the game, they gather at one of the above-mentioned pizza locations. Ordinarily, they will split a pizza between two guys -- a favorite is the pepperoni-sausage combo. He did this the week following the stent-placement. After that, he has refrained from the pizza (a choice that he made himself) and now gets a salad with 3 meatballs. That's progress for this guy!

Our breakfast for most weekdays consists of a good-sized bowl of fresh fruit that I prepare (between a cup and cup-and-a-half total) of strawberries, blueberries, raspberries. That is topped with banana slices (half for each of us). If we have time, we have yogurt with the fruit. And we will tote an apple into the office, since the fruit is good for us, but not as filling as other items would be. Once in a while, we have oatmeal.

We both like lots of veggies, so when we do eat at home for dinner, we both consume probably at least a double-helping, whether it is broccoli, asparagus, or other veggies. The veggies with the tenderloin included carrots, new potatoes, onions and cauliflower. And I doubled the veggies in that recipe, and we consumed most of them! So we have leftover meat and I'll add another fresh round of veggies to that. To L's credit, he has not consumed one french-fry since he had the stents put in.

A national restaurant chain (begins with A) has added some items to its menu that are 550 calories and less. Now that is a lot for me to consume, but for a guy of L's size (about 6' 3" or 4" and over 240), his caloric demands are higher. So we have gone there for lunch, and he consumes what I do not finish of my dish. Aain, we both can taste the salt in some of the dishes... But we usually do not bring anything from home, to have for lunch - so what are ya gonna do?

Hmm... what else has been going on...

L's son and daughter-in-law were at L's place on the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend. L's son purchased a used pontoon which needed a new deck put on it. So L purchased the plywood and the two guys spent hours removing the old deck and bolting the new surface on the pontoon. L had done the same thing on his pontoon last spring, while he and I were Skype-ing. I know it took him several days to do the task all by himself, so he welcomed his son's offer to help him with the reflooring chore. While they were working on that, I drove into town and picked up some groceries to put on the barbecue -- yes, it WAS a great weather-day that day. L and I had decided we would grill fish, but his son and DIL chose beef. It was a fun and impromptu meal.

The hope is that all of this rain will bring up the lake's water levels. It is down about four feet (!!) and many docks no longer reach the water. So lots of boats and pontoons remain landlocked. L has an expanse of beach that he has never had before, and his floating dock is inadvertently in drydock!

Well, ya'll, that's about it for now. I'll catch up with everyone soon, I promise.

Two years

2010-05-16T12:34:00.002-05:00

It is so hard for me to believe that yesterday was the two-year mark of Greg's death. Two years. And I am not the same person who was reeling from the unexpected sudden widowhood... not at all. And I could never have predicted the experiences that I have had since that day.

So many people who were so supportive. Finding other blogs written by other widows, some with young children, some so much younger than I was (at the time Greg died). Finding a network in Houston of widows (okay, some widowers, but mostly widows) so that I had someone to socialize with, someone who got it.

Defining what the new normal was for me. Taking my life into my own hands- no matter what others thought of my actions and oftentimes disregarding their well-meant advice because it did not, would not work for me.

My gratitude for family, friends, neighbors, and co-workers and everything they did for me. How can you say thank you to so many, for so many kind actions?

I know that others will walk in these shoes, are out there and looking for help, support, direction. And I pray that you, too, will heal with time. Believe me, I got so tired of hearing that -- but it is SO true: time will heal you, heal that deep wound that you felt when your spouse died. And if you are blessed enough to find another to love, do not be afraid to open your heart to that possibility. It helps the healing, makes you look forward again. It is not betrayal to your late spouse to love again.

So this is my two-year mark. And I don't know if I will mark the three-year time by musing about it. I hope you'll understand if I don't mention it at this time, next year.

{{Hugs}} to new widows and also to those who have been walking this path longer than I have. That is one of the things I missed for a long time: hugs.

Health improved!

2010-05-12T19:16:00.002-05:00

No, I am not talking about my health... rather, it's referring to L's health. Last July, he had a pacemaker attached to his heart. It was one of the things that he and I had discussed when we first started our phone conversations in early June of '09. He had apparently put it off for several years (he did NOT tell me that part) and I kind of pushed him, verbally, into getting it done.

As part of that pacemaker program, he has to have dial-up checks of the device and how well it is working. And on May 3rd, he had an in-the-office checkup. During that office visit, he mentioned to the technician that he had been having some episodes where he was short-winded. So the tech set him up with a visit with a local cardiologist two days later. During THAT visit, L expanded on his "short-winded" experience, and said that it involved a burning in his chest. Not. A. Good. Sign. This time, it was the cardiologist who nudged him into an angiogram. As the good doc stated it, "Your heart is in one piece right now. If you have a heart attack on Island Lake (this is the lake we live on), I don't know in what shape your heart will be, by the time you take that helicopter flight here and I see you."

I need to tell y'all that it is a 40-minute trip by vehicle from this place to the hospital, and there is a helicopter landing sight about 10 minutes down the road from this house. That would assume that he could get in a car under his own power, or that I could get a neighbor to assist me in getting L into a car. He probably weighs about 250, standing 6-foot-four.

Back to our story: the doc scheduled L for an angiogram on May 10th. For those of us who have lost a spouse, you can imagine my apprehension for this day. Hoping, HOPING that it would be okay, that things would turn out well.

And L was lucky, LUCKY -- there were several narrowings on the right side, mostly bunched together, that were able to be repaired by piggy-backing two stents. These blockages were about 80% - 90% blocked. On the left side, he has lesser blockages, in the 20% - 30% range. He had to stay overnight, was put on Plavix and has agreed to attend at least one cardiac rehab session. He SAYS he takes this as a warning, and of course his kids were (rightly so) shook up by all of this.

The best news of this is that he does NOT have that burning sensation anymore, not even when he picks up the pace during a walk. His PCP (primary care physician) will put him on a statin (cholesterol-lowering) drug next week. That will allow us some time to read up on the various ones and have some well-informed background when L discusses those drugs with the PCP.

Rather ironically, this cardiologist (Dr. N) is the one that I had an appointment with, about an hour before L saw him last Wednesday. I do like him, and he is a very "straight shooter" type. He let L make the decision (angio or roll the dice?) but did give him some very serious things to think about.

I am very grateful for the results and for the fact that, better late than never, L took a positive step towards ensuring that he might stay around a bit.

Oh -- and I won a 6-month free membership at a local gym! So now I can take action, too -- Do as I DO, not just do as I SAY. Wish us both luck.

It's sn*wing...

2010-05-07T10:53:00.007-05:00

(above photo of my Rav 4, now with Florida plates... you can see where my loyalties are!)

Yes, it is... and it is not very common (so I am told) that all of April was snowfall-free, only to have snow flurries on May 7. People, it will be Mother's Day on Sunday -- a day that we celebrate by giving our moms flowers and other signs of SPRING. The local TV weather forecasters tell us that it will have an inch or more accumulation overnight, followed by rapid melting Saturday morning. That does NOT, however, make my heart sing. Ugh! Damned cold weather. Obviously, the Goldwing has NOT been out of the garage since we returned.

(following photos:
--- driveway leading away from the house out on Island Lake;
--- neighbor's dog posing down at the edge of the lake, along with two ducks for just general effect;
--- a Florida-plated F-350 truck;
--- snow on the barbee;
--- there IS a pontoon under that snow somewhere!)

Yes, I am still here...

2010-05-03T09:20:00.004-05:00

*** I finished a post dated March 28th, that I had inadvertently left "hanging" in unplublished status. You might want to check that one out, too.

So -- a brief update on nothing in particular and everything in general...

We've settled into a routine here -- since L has retained the two guys who kept the shop running while we were in Florida, I don't feel quite so pressured to be there with him all of the time. Although I will go in and do labeling (apply the labels by hand -- this is a SMALL operation) when necessary.

This Saturday L's son G had a promotion ceremony at the Air National Guard base here in Duluth. He was promoted to Chief Master Sergeant, which is the highest rank obtainable by an enlisted person (as opposed to the other line of promotions that is available to officers). Quite a nice ceremony, capped by a speech that G gave. He thanked all those who had been instrumental in his life and was emotional at points in the delivery of the speech. I like L's "kids" (yes, I know they are adults with their own lives, etc.) and I think it works both ways. L's ex-wife was there (I knew that she would be) and L's daughter L (and her kids and husband), and of course, G's wife was there, too. Plus other friends of G's -- he is a well-liked man at the base and just generally viewed the same around this town.

L has been working on the trailer that we bought before leaving Florida. We loaded the Rav 4 on it, for the journey back home -- a simple flat-bed trailer, really. L has welded a gate/ramp for the trailer, so that we can load the Goldwing on the trailer when we want to use the motorcycle. He lives on a dirt/gravel road that is NOT kind to motorcycles, and we can tow the trailer behind the F-350 with its cargo (the Goldwing) when we want to go riding. We'll have to do advance planning for this, but we want to maintain the integrity of the bike - so this was the solution. He is very talented with things he can and will tackle -- knew just how to measure the components for this ramp and how he wanted it to work.

We'll be taking my mother out for Mother's Day (something I have not been able to do for years). L belongs to the local Elks chapter, and they are hosting a brunch this Sunday. I know that there will be TOO much food (for both Mom and me), but she and I can split things that we might want to have a "taste" of, but don't want to fill up on. Of all the cousins on my dad's side of the family, my sis and I are the only ones who still have a living parent. And Mom was NOT the youngest of the aunts and uncles, although she was on the younger end of the spectrum. She will be 83 this September.

My sis and her guy are flying to the West Coast this week. They will pick up an old VW that her #2 son and his friend found out there, and have had it updated, restored, whatever, to make it roadworthy. So they will take this old VW Beetle (I think it is an early 70's model) and drive it back to MN over several days. They plan to take back roads and in her words, "See America." She has always wanted this model of car, she said -- it's a red convertible. Their fleet of vehicles is growing, just as ours is!

Well, gotta get some things done, so I will finish this and post it. Hope it doesn't have a lot of typos!

Contacting the satellite tv carrier

2010-04-20T20:39:00.002-05:00

And so...

L wanted to see what channels he could see on DirectTV. Since he was the one who WANTED some sports stuff (read: hockey) I told HIM to make the phone call. Which he did. And of course that meant going thru all the crap that these types of calls entail: press 1 for whatever, press 4 for whatsis, etc. He kept saying "representative" or some similar phrase, and then FINALLY hooked up with a real LIVE person. Which was female and had a heckuva accent (according to him, white guy raised in a white-person region). Long story short, after plowing thru Q and A between L and said rep, he was FINALLY transferred to another person.

This was a guy (ethnic background unknown) that apparently met with L's criteria, as far as being an English-speaking person without a discernable accent. And so they were doing ANOTHER Q and A, including one Q to which L replied, "I'm in love with her!" in a slightly raised tone of voice. And I started laughing, because I KNEW what the question was -- and apparently the guy on the other end of the line also began to laugh.

Once they had plowed thru the issues (and L was certain that he had his answers, although they may not have been to his liking), he hung up. And told me what I already knew -- the question was, "What is your relationship to the account holder?" and in guy-fashion, L decided that what he really SHOULD have replied was, "Sexual".

Yeah, there really are NO men -- only older boys. IMHO.

Back in COLD country

2010-04-15T22:23:00.003-05:00

So -- we had a l-o-o-o-n-g trip back. We had bought a few vehicles in Florida and wanted to bring them all back with us. Have a 2000 Ford F-350 pickup truck, which is heavy-duty enough to pull that load. In the bed of the pickup truck, strapped down very securely, was the 1990 Honda Goldwing motorcycle. On a hitch behind the pickup, was a trailer (flat-bed kind) with my Rav 4 secured on it. Plus the remaining pickup bed area, the seat area (crew cab) behind the front seats of the Ford, and the entire Rav 4 were all loaded with stuff we were bringing back.

We left Florida late on Wed. afternoon (L had a dental crown installed that day), hitting the road about 5 pm. Things were going pretty well, until we got into some slight grades on the highway (I-75). Then the Ford began to lose power, and we could not get much out of it - 40 mph and we turned on the 4-way flashers so others would know to go around us. Finally we decided to hit a hotel that nite (Hampton Inn in Lake City, FL - the last FL county before entering GA).

Next morning we pushed off again, and we had the same problems. Stopped at 3 Ford dealerships (and probably talked to one or two more) - we worked with some nice folks at the first 2 places, but they were unable to solve the problem. Others could not squeeze us in at all - this was because it's an agricultural area and they work on lots of diesel trucks. We kept going back on the freeway, might get 30 - 50 miles, and the next serious-sized grade would cause the same problem. Finally got up to Byron, GA (only about 150 miles into Georgia, from FL), and set up an appt. for Friday morning. After an all-day session (they only charged us 4 hours labor, but spent more time on it, with diagnosing and actual work), PROBLEM SOLVED. I should mention that the dealership drove L back to the hotel, where he caught an hour or two of additional sleep. But we didn't drive out of Byron until just before 5 pm. Just in time to run into some serious Friday nite traffic in Atlanta - pure hell, and us watching carefully for exits, merges, etc, toting all that crap with us. Ugh.

We finally pulled off the freeway to eat, thinking that the traffic would be lighter after that. Cracker Barrel is NOT my fave place to eat, and this one was FULL of small-town families and lots of screaming, yelling kids. And parents who seemed oblivious to the antics of their offspring. I gobbled down my food and went into the gift/check-out area. Of course, Cracker Barrel does NOT serve alcohol, and by that point, I was in SERIOUS need of same. Splitting headache, probably from all of the stress we had just gone thru.

Long story short - we pulled an all-nighter, driving right on thru to Duluth. L was doing all the driving, and we finally had to roll into a rest area around 4 am in Illinois (just south of Champagne) off I-57. He was falling asleep and really needed some naptime. Try bunking TWO people in the front seat of an F-350! He put a pillow behind his back on the driver's-side door, sat upright, and I carefully positioned myself between his legs (he's about 6-3 or 6-4). I really didn't fall asleep (had caught a few winks earlier, while he was driving). But he DID get about an hours' worth of shuteye and it really helped. The next sleep crisis came in northern WI, and I told him that he was scaring me by drifting off. We got a little testy with each other - which actually served to wake him up! And he was okay the rest of the way to Duluth.

We stopped at our favorite pizza place in Duluth, Sammy's, where they have known L for years and years. Gobbled down the crew special (lotsa meat - a guy's delight) and a beer apiece and drove to L's house on Island Lake, about another 30 minutes plus. Tired, we were. Got enough of our stuff unloaded to get us thru the next morning and finally crashed for the night.

So -- just about over the 1st week back in the North Country and ready for the weekend. Gotta unwind and finish unpacking. Miss our friends that we made in FL, and yet happy to see the family/friends back here in MN.

Later, readers...

Phone on the road!

2010-03-28T15:37:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was so beautiful, so several of us who ride motorcycles, took this opportunity to head out for a ride. A Harley store a bit down the road (heading west on 54, towards the Gulf coast) has a free-hotdog Saturday, where they'll feed you (chili and sauerkraut topping optional) - as many dogs as you want, and they have free softdrinks, too. I think 5 or so of us couples jumped on our bikes (mostly Honda Goldwings) and headed out.

Such a great day - blue skies and temps in the upper 70's to lower 80's. It has been a nasty winter here and we have seen way too many days in the 50's. It felt good to have the sun on our faces and bodies.

We follow each other in a staggered riding fashion - one bike closer to the right-side of the lane, the following bike closer to the left-side of that lane, and so on. In case one bike has a problem, the following bike can (hopefully) avoid running into the one with a problem.

At one point, we were riding behind L's friend F (and F's wife, of course). L and I communicate with an intercom, which is helpful and fun to do (sometimes). Anyway, L said rather abruptly, "Did you see that?!" And of course I had NOT seen anything -- and generally have to bob my head around his shoulders to the right or left. I usually check out the road in front of the bike from time to time, or enjoy the scenery off to either side of the road, on these rides.

I replied to his inquiry that I had NOT seen anything, and he explained that a cell phone had flown off one of the bikes and then had hit the pavement, taking several MORE bounces. I wrongly assumed that he had seen this in his rearview mirror, but he told me it was F's phone, now on a 6-lane highway behind our group of bikes. He decided to retrieve the phone, pulled onto the shoulder, reversed the bike's direction, and headed east on the shoulder (we were on the west-bound lanes). Then he asked ME to get off the bike and STOP THE TRAFFIC. What??!!

Fortunately, most of the traffic was slowing for a traffic light, so that DID help a bit. I just cautiously approached the nearest lane of traffic and put my hand up in that universal STOP gesture. I should explain that I had to stop traffic in TWO lanes, as the right-most lane was able to merge onto a northbound highway, at this point. So I had the cooperation of TWO key drivers -- God bless them both -- and was able to retrieve the phone.

Amazingly, the phone had NOT been run over. It was laying (lying?) in a flipped-open position and had obviously taken a few falls. I went back to the shoulder, where L had pulled the bike too far onto the soft soil and could not keep it upright. So I threw my body weight into the bike's side and helped where I could.

We rejoined the group and continued to the Harley shop for our free lunch. While there, F asked L to phone his cell number -- and the phone DID work, both in ringing and being able to hear the caller.

Some days later, F did decide to replace the phone -- it was no longer able to accept a charge, so... In the long run, this was an exercise in futility. I didn't do anything foolish while retrieving the phone, however, not stepping into traffic until I was PRETTY sure that the vehicles (one was a large truck) would stop. Sometimes you just caught up in the moment.

What's been going on...

2010-03-27T22:23:00.005-05:00

Well, a little catch-up here.

Thursday night we went up to the Groves, our usual haunt on that night. It's a golf-course community with the usual clubhouse - and a restaurant. They have a good buffet -- and it has just changed hands and the food and presentation has GREATLY improved. This is a community that is a no-kids place, but (from what I understand) is NOT a 55+ community. Anyway... We have been going there almost since we got here into this area. On Thursdays they also have a DJ - for dancing and for karaoke. As with most karaoke places, there are good singers and those who cannot sing. Those who cannot sing do NOT let this lack of talent stop them from performing (and for some of those non-blessed singers, this means multiple songs every Thursday night).

So, I am kinda settin' the stage (no pun intended) for my story. I think I have an okay voice, and others in our group have encouraged me to sing at the karaoke night. I am afraid to force my talents (or lack of them) on the world. One of our party, J (Significant Other of E, a sweet lady) asked me what song I would sing. He took this info up to the DJ and returned to tell me that I would need to let the DJ know WHEN I was ready to sing. We were eating our buffet meal and having some drinks and I figured that I could put this off for the rest of the night.

But I was forced .. er drafted, people. After finishing my meal, dancing a few dances and consuming not quite a glass-and-a-half of wine, a chant went up: Jessica, Jessica, JESSICA! I cringed.

J was so great... he walked me up onstage AND stayed right by my side while I sang. I was unfamiliar with the mike and so did not know that I needed to position it RIGHT NEXT to my mouth, so I am told that the first several lines were really not audible. (A blessing for the audience.) I got thru the song, shaking like a leaf the entire time. But I did not stumble over the words and I think I carried the tune pretty well. Sigh... I sang For the Longest Time, a Billy Joel song that I am very familiar with. It was not so easy to get up in front of all those folks, and I welcomed the end of the song. Some did come up to me afterward and were very encouraging, telling me that I had a good voice and ought to sing more. We'll see...

Not so sure...

2010-03-10T20:56:00.005-06:00

So, sometimes I kill a little time. On Tuesday I got my hair color "refreshed" and that's always a nice time. You walk out feeling a bit more presentable, if you know what I mean. A step up from how you walked into that salon.

I had a few minutes following that and bopped into the dollar store in that strip center. Not sure if it was Dollar General or the Dollar Store - but that's immaterial.

After rounding up a few purchases (okay - I have to 'fess up that one of those was a little sealed bag of Jelly Bellies, those wonderfully tasty ADULT jelly beans), I headed for the checkout. And there I saw one of those items that makes you think, "Do I REALLY want to purchase a product for this purpose from the dollar store?"

I wish I had had a camera - because that would be much more effective than these few paragraphs. But words will have to do the deed, instead.

Readers, that product was a generic version of an EPT - Early Pregnancy Test. Would YOU purchase this?

Yes.We.Survived.

2010-02-28T17:35:00.005-06:00

Yes, folks, we DID it. Entertained 5 folks (relatives) for days, all (at times) sleeping in this little place that has ONE bathroom and only a pull-out couch for guest sleeping. Adult(s) on the bed, kids on the floor. And after they left on Friday, I must admit that I enjoyed NOT having kids' cartoons on the tv, plus a return of the remote control to OUR hands...

But the kids were fun and WAY too full of energy (ages 7, 9 and 11) - and that is why God has parents bearing them when the parents are in their 20's or 30's. I actually spent more time with them then L did, as I accompanied his daughter and kids (before her husband flew here a week later than her arrival by car) on a few car trips in this area. Anyway, overall, we all survived. The kids could not (almost) get enough of the pool, even with the colder temps.

His daughter and the 3 kids were here for a week, followed by her husband flying in, and then they had 5 more days (two of those nights with us) of Florida time. Their last evening here, we went up to a development called The Groves. The clubhouse there has a restaurant, and on Thursdays there is a buffet plus a DJ for dancing and for karaoke. Not every singer is excellent, and we know (by now) which ones are not really worth listening to, and which ones have better voices. But they all have enough guts to get up in front of everyone and sing... and that is something that I would LOVE to do (but lack the courage for it).

We took his daughter and kids there the previous week, too -- and had an interesting experience that literally had the other diners/dancers mesmerized. When we were first seated, his daughter saw that one leg of this table (around which 6 of us were seated) was not too stable. But it seemed okay, as long as we did not put weight on it. It was a round table, seated 8, and there were 2 unoccupied seats at the wobbly end. L and I were finished with our meals, and the other 4 had consumed some of theirs - and then the waitress came up to see what else we might need. We think that she MAY have triggered the collapse of the table, as she lightly leaned on that side... and like the Titanic, the table tipped slowly to that side, as dishes, glasses, silverware and all began sliding to the abyss - er, floor . And continuing to mirror the Titanic, once it picked up steam, the remaining tableware slid faster to the tipping side,with all now on the floor. And then... silence.

We were stunned, and his daughter told her kids to STAY SEATED. I didn't know it then, but she was afraid that someone would think her kids had caused it (they had NOT). Then we began to retrieve a few things, but most were unsalvageable. I had been fortunate to grab my handbag (had been secured by a handbag hanger, off the floor) before it would surely have joined the rest of the mess on the floor.

L's daughter and I get along very well, and I am happy about that. After his family left, he thanked me for being so good with his family. And, really... who would NOT make that attempt? If you hope to be accepted in the greater family, you had better put forth your own best effort. That's my thought about this, anyway.

It IS possible that we will still have another guest in about a week or so. A friend of L's friend F (also lives in this RV park) wants to visit here, and F could not find an available lot for his friend to use for that week. So -- since this is ONLY one person -- I told L to offer our place as a bunkhouse. A vacant lot might still turn up, so this situation is still iffy. I am getting used to being a boarding house!

Anyway, I will admit that this was not without stress - but on the other hand, I felt truly involved in this family. And that was a nice, warm feeling. Truly.

Lots of visitors!

2010-02-21T19:56:00.006-06:00

Very quickly... Since we have moved in here, we have had lots of visitors. First, my sister and her significant other (such a weird term but one that most understand) were here just a few days after we got into our new place. They were here about 2+ days, then back to St. Pete to visit with another friend, and then back here again for another 2+ days. Had fun, L brought R (Sis's guyfriend) golfing one afternoon, Sis and I got to do some gal stuff (including her finding a dress for her daughter's wedding this spring) and it was pretty laid back.

Now we have a WHOLE house FULL of company - L's 2nd-oldest daughter, and her 3 kids (ages 11, 9, and 7) got here a week ago. Two days of driving by L (also her initial), and she was pretty happy to get here. She and I get along very well, so that is a blessing to me. The pull-out sofa has served as a bed for both my sis's visit as well as L's. And then kids on the floor, with sleeping bags. Today, around midday, her husband flew in and the gang went into Crystal Beach, Madeira Beach and so on (Gulf of Mexico side) for the day. Now they are back with us, kids are finished eating mac 'n' cheese and some of us (okay, the guys and a couple of the kids) are watching the US vs Canada hockey game (Olympics). So far, the visit has gone pretty well. The colder temps (for Florida) and some rain has been stressful, since it limits the activities and what the kids can do (for burning energy). But these are Minnesota kids -- so it has amazingly NOT been too cool for them to use the heated pool at our RV park. Many at the RV park have commented about the kids using the pool during the cold weather. Updates later on the remaining visit...

So that's been our life these past few weeks. I am kinda tired (again). No dull times around here! I think I will need to catch up on my sleep after this.

We are IN!

2010-01-26T22:15:00.002-06:00

Yes, somehow, we are inspected and living in our new home. A little disorganized, still, but IN. And we even had our first overnight guests, my sis and her guy, visiting us from Minnesota. They were here for two nights and parts of 3 days, and it was good to have some time with her. They are visiting with friends in St. Petersburg for a few days, and will return to spend a few more days with us, starting on Thursday.

Yesterday we finally got the F350 licensed. Ouch, that sales tax -- 7%. I must say that even tho' most states do this, it feels so unfair to pay sales tax on a vehicle which already was taxed when it was brand-new. However... it is nice to be street legal, since we're licensed and insured now.

Anyway, this is just a brief update -- and I will (hopefully) be a little more descriptive in a future post. Tonight, I am just TIRED. Had my second golf lesson this morning and felt like I made a little progress from the prior week. Then came home, rounded up Mr. L and ran out for lunch at Jason's Deli -- one of my very favorite-ist places to eat -- then to Sam's Club for fresh fruit (my body feels the need!) and to Home Depot for a Weber barbecue. I am anxious to cook a bit more things at home (yes, Virginia, you CAN eat too many meals out) and hope that this place will be conducive to that. Love the new cooking range -- they heat up SO quickly, these new electric models! Yawn... gotta run for some shut-eye!

Status update: home

2010-01-19T16:06:00.003-06:00

We were pretty UP today - our home was to be inspected by multiple county types, and then we were free to move in. Four inspections were necessary... and by noon, 1 had been completed, and inspectors #2 and #3 were there, waiting to do their duty.

So we were buoyed by all of this activity - and went off to do some other things, including grabbing lunch at one of our favorite deli's. And we went looking for a golf club for yours truly, who is starting to take golf lessons and so far owns ONLY a driver.

We returned about 4:30 and drove to the park model. The construction permit papers are tucked inside a screen, and we pulled those out to see the four expected signatures. And three signatures were there. But only three.

Poor, poor Florida. Obviously there is NO incentive for things to get accomplished here in a timely fashion. Now it is after 5 pm, and we know that we will be spending yet another night in this tiny little Class-C motorhome that we have taken to referring as a "cramper" because the space is so limited. It really is NOT intended for 3-months occupancy, especially not when cold or wet weather keeps you confined inside.

I am going to pour myself a glass of wine. This whole thing could drive me to drink...

Doesn't this frost ya?

2010-01-08T10:19:00.008-06:00

Oh, yes.... Florida is experiencing some chilly temps. Supposed to get down into the high 20's (or hopefully low 30's) Saturday and Sunday nights BOTH. We are residing in an RV park, and lots of folks are MANY years older than we are. And this cold weather is hard on them. Lots of propane is being burned, very quickly, as they attempt to keep warm in their RV's and campers. L's friend F works as the maintenance manager here at this RV park and has had many late-night calls as people run out of propane; and one couple blew out the electric circuits because they were running FOUR fairly substantial heaters simultaneously!

So... we are being cautious about propane consumption - we need it in this little motorhome for heating the water and running the heating system. But we have had to top off or refill twice in the last week, and since the cold temps will be around until next week, we may have to do so again.

Yesterday was pretty nippy, and frost was on a lot of windshields. Plus on our bicycle seats! If you enlarge either of these photos, you may be able to see the frosty seats... I chose NOT to ride the bike that morning.

Christmas and SNOW!!

2010-01-05T17:26:00.016-06:00

So, yeah -- lots of snow over Dec. 24th and 25th. About 24" total, and ALL of it very wet, very heavy and sticky. Perfect for building snowmen, but the pits where roads and shovelling and plowing are concerned. However, some great photos are possible. Unfortunately, I only had some so-so ones, but I'll share them anyway.

This was one of the last ones taken - had a lovely blue-sky time so the sun played up the scene nicely. Other ones showed lots of snow, but they almost look like old-timey photos when black-and-white were the only photos possible.

This is taken during the heart of all the falling snows -- has that very greyed-down look, and the falling snow is very obvious. Yes, I agree that it was attractive. But driving on so many washer-board-surfaced roads is not fun. The wet snow packed down onto the paved roads long before the plows could attempt any clearing. And remember that many plow operators were not gung-ho to get out there (even WITH overtime pay) on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

It was snowing pretty heavily when this was taken - I think it was early afternoon of the 25th.

Taken towards the same general area as the proceeding photo, but without the heavily-falling snow. Maybe on the 23rd or a few days before that. But the snow had already made its presence known. Winter was here to STAY for the season.

But... it was a good holiday, and we tried to see both sides of the family as much as we could. My family likes him, and his family seems to like me, as well. A few days after our return to Florida, he helped his daughter get set up with Skype. It was fun to see them that first time -- the 7-year-old and 9-year-old were all, "Hi, Grandpa!" and also wanted to see me in the frame. But then they were very typical boys of that age, making all sorts of faces that they could see in their small set-in frame on their laptop monitor. We just laughed and laughed at that. It makes the miles between us seem less distant.

Now... that nearly nationwide cold snap is hitting us down here, too. Ugh. It can leave anytime it wants to! But... it seems that it will hang around for the next week, and MAY leave around next Wednesday. I know... it could be worse - and we could be shoveling that white stuff or dealing with much colder temps. Sorry, my northern readers. I know that it is much better here, as far as temps go.

Oh -- we had a low-key New Year's Eve party at the clubhouse here. Bring a snack and BYOB. Most were just there for the socializing, and that made it fun. Drinking and no driving. Perfect.

Happy New Year to all. And happy birthday, Dad - I hope you and your siblings are having a fun time up there, playing cards with the other ancestors who proceeded you. That must be one heckuva game - pinochle or cribbage or ?? Love ya.

Florida Thanksgiving, gators, jumpers

2009-11-28T09:00:00.020-06:00

First of all... I must confess that it has been years since I have celebrated Thanksgiving with my REAL (biological) family, due to living in Texas for years. So spending yet another Thanksgiving NOT with my "own" family is not a hardship for me. L and I had already looked at airfare prices and decided that we could only realistically afford one trip this year -- so we chose Christmas.

We had a gathering at the clubhouse of this RV park, so those who were not able to be with family, could have a social gathering. The park's management provided the turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, rolls and margarine -- and the residents who chose to join in the meal, were asked to bring a dish or dessert. I am SO hungry for vegetables, so I chose to steam several heads of brocolli. I sliced and sauteed several cloves of garlic and stirred this into the brocolli before I covered the dish and we walked up to the clubhouse. And it was a good meal, with certainly PLENTY to eat. Most of the vegetable-based side dishes were definitely made from scratch. Not so, with most of the desserts (I noticed). I think ALL of the pies were "store bought" or at least store-purchased, then later baked. The same was true of most of the cakes. So it's given me some ideas for NEXT year... I will probably still bring a good veggie dish, but maybe a from-scratch dessert, too. I could make a good bread pudding (a taste that I acquired while living in Houston), for example.

Gators: L has noticed gators in the water, on most of the golf courses on which he has played. So here are a snap or two of one of the gators - only about a five-footer - that he and the rest of his foursome came across while playing in a tournament the Monday before Thanksgiving. This first shot shows the gator mostly out of the water, headed (already) back to "safety" after being spotted.

Here's the gator making his way back to the pond and already partially in the water.

JUMPER! A friend that we've made at this park, did a tandem jump (yes -- he jumped out of a perfectly good, still operating plane) the Friday after Thanksgiving. Here's a couple of photos of that day.

First one shows him practicing the "assume the postion" that he is supposed to be in, soon after bailing out of the plane.
>>== "And smile for the camera..."

<<== Supportive friends - plus B's wife, S (blue jacket, right side)

SAFE LANDING! They sold a tee shirt: "The sky is not the limit: the ground is"

LOL - and Christmas lights

2009-11-25T06:21:00.009-06:00

LOL does NOT refer to the usual "laugh out loud" -- which is a phrase that I absolutely hate, since so many folks use it ad nauseum, ad infinitum. Please -- just say it made you laugh, made you smile. I can show you many blogs, many e-mails, where the writer uses this phrase too, TOO frequently.

So -- I am here to tell you, that in THESE parts, LOL is a shorthand reference to Land O Lakes -- an actual city's name in this area. Some of the street signs say LOL Rd (or is it Blvd?) -- this is actually 41 (US 41 or SR 41), part of it called Land O Lakes as it meanders in this region.

Also wanted you to see the Symphony in Lights that we saw Monday night. This is at a shopping center called Wiregrass Shops. Five trees were involved in this display. Although the video cannot do it justice, the tallest tree was just about 3 stories high, and the two trees on EACH side were stepping-stone smaller. (Note the real palm trees behind these artificial trees.) The music was from Trans Siberian Orchestra and was of course synchronized with the light display.

It was a beautiful evening, and we went there by motorcycle. I am not sure if this particular video shows folks in jackets, but there were several videos to choose from. It was definitely shirt-sleeve weather. And this video might have been from last year (I think). On the way back to the RV park, we stopped at Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robbins. Some got coffee and donuts, some ice cream. An interesting restaurant combo... Or junk-food combo, probably a better description! I had the plain ol' chocolate ice cream, in case you are curious. But... BUT - I did not have any dinner, just a bowl of soup for lunch. I am just sayin'.

Gonna wind up this post, since L's back from the morning coffee/gossip session that the guys in the RV park have on weekday mornings. A good way to find out what's goin' on in this little neighborhood! And it gives me a few moments alone, which is NOT a bad thing, when we share this tiny "home".

Bikers!

2009-11-15T07:08:00.020-06:00

Okay -- just a few snaps to share with y'all... We rode with 6 other couples up to Zephyrhills on Saturday. They had a small-town parade to honor veterans (and their families). It was about a 20-mile ride (more or less) each way.

Some of these folks were also pictured in the pool party pix a few days ago. So without further ado...

<< Him

>> Me

<< The gang's bikes!

Lutz bikers >>

M - N - J - R - B (white cap) - M (pink shirt) - me - W - J

<< L's friend, F

>> Another pic

> adds F on the far right

Pool party.. wait! No pool!

2009-11-09T16:40:00.015-06:00

Here are a few photos from the pool party on Saturday. Some of us still have a sense of humor about the situation - that is that we do NOT have a working pool, since like many roads across the nation, it is "under construction"...

In this first photo, standing: N (married to R - from Michigan); seated: L (yes, that's him) and J (married to W, from Alabama).

J (or JR) (married to W - Michigan- ders), S and B (married to each other - New Yorkers), B and his wife (?), origin unknown.

M (married to F, L's long-time friend), N (see her in 1st photo, also), R (her husband, Michigan residents), and F (spouse of M, on the far left of this photo). M and F were originally from Minnesota, have been Florida residents now for several years.

F (see in previous photo), B and wife (a pair of Canad- ians), and W (from Michigan - see her spouse JR in 2nd photo).

Still kickin'

2009-11-08T21:34:00.005-06:00

Yup -- I am still alive and kickin'! Sorry that I (we) have been so busy that I haven't set aside time for blogging. We have been looking at places to (potentially) buy, meeting all the "old timers" who return to this park year after year, etc., etc. This first photo shows our humble abode, a class-C motor home. Tiny little thing that is almost big enough to accomodate L and me, and not much else. Plus it is NOT ours, so that is something that we are very careful about. This is courtesy of L's friend F and his wife, M. They own the the little home and have put it on a lot for us to use, gratis. We ARE paying for the lot rental, however. Didja notice my "Don't mess with Texas" bumpersticker on the wheelcover? For those non-Texans who might be reading: this is not a macho statement - it IS, however, the anti-littering slogan for Texas. I like it!

We are lovin' the 1990 Honda Goldwing that we purchased from L's friend, F, and some of the new friends are other "bikers". Yup, we are among the graying of America's bikers. We all ride safe -- almost all are helmet-wearers, and no one drinks (alcohol) and drives. So it's a good, sober group. You can't see the Goldwing in this second photo - it is at the front of the Rav, under that deep blue cover. Gotta protect our li'l baby from Florida's sun! I did not realize that L had captured me behind the bike, in that photo.

L likes golf and admits that he is really NOT good at it. But he golfs with the Wednesday group of guys and hopes that I will join the ranks of the female golfers. I have gone out to a coupla driving ranges with him and did notice some improvement from session # 1 to session #3. I actually hit some of the balls around 100 yards during the third go-round.

This place is like a small town, complete with gossip mill, etc. But the majority are friendly. It is interesting to find out others' backgrounds. There are some like us - living-together couples - but the majority are long-married couples, with histories of kids and grandkids. Because I feel like such an outsider, I have "reached out" to J, a gal who feels like even MORE of an outsider than I do. She has health challenges with her back, so that rules out golf for her. She is doing a "trial" winter time with her guy, T. He is a widow, she a divorcee - the opposite of L and myself. I love her accent - she is originally from West "by God" Virginia, although she and T now live in Ohio.

Saturday we had a pool party. Naw -- no pool, folks. Actually, this was an attempt to make the best of a situation that has many rankled. The pool has been ripped out and is in the process of being rebuilt. Actually, the process seems to be at a halt. The contractor does not seem very motivated, and a LOT of the folks here count on that pool. I mean, they are here from cold climes and WANT to enjoy all aspects of Florida during winter. And folks -- that DOES mean access to a pool. So our "pool party" was at a vacant lot across the street from where we are staying. We all brought our own lawn chairs, some snacks, and whatever beverages we wanted. One of the guys, B, videotaped some of the events. L took some photos (I hope to post some soon). A tongue-in-cheek get-together, done in fun.

We (the bikers) drove west to Hudson, on the Gulf coast - about a 20-mile ride or so - to a neat restaurant for dinner on Friday. This place had a great seafood menu - of course - and I defaulted to fish-n-chips when I found out that the fish was fresh grouper. It was so, SO good. If we get back to this place, I do want to try their scallops. The restaurant was PACKED. I think our party was either 9 or 11 in size.

There is a hurricane brewing in the Gulf - yeah, I KNOW that this is November and that hurricane season is OVER. Will someone tell Mother Nature?

That's my quickie, catch-up post, folks. Hope to be better about this, next time - not SO far down the road. Maybe have someone take our photos on the Goldwing?

On the road again...

2009-10-17T21:18:00.003-05:00

Just a quickie update...

We hit the road (to FL) on Thursday. I was fortunate enough to see my cousin (her blog -- The Retired One) and her hubby for a bit, and she even graciously enough fed us lunch). I felt like I had been by her home previously, having seen photos of it on her blog!.

We traveled on to L's son's girlfriend's home on Friday (overnighted in Gaylord, MI) and I got a chance to meet his son S and girlfriend (another S). Nice couple and their relationship hasn't been much longer than L's and mine. It was good to see them together -- they seem to mesh pretty well.

Last night we stayed in Florence, KY (just barely over the border, into that state). Got a kick out of the water tower for the city, which proclaimed "FLORENCE Y'ALL". Gotta love it!

So tonight we are in Cordele, GA, south of Macon and about a 5-hour-plus drive from our destination of Lutz (pronounced LOOTZ), FL. And another chapter of my life will unfold then. I am looking forward to it! Updates to come...

Potato chips

2009-09-27T18:27:00.002-05:00

Had a sorta lazy start to today (Sunday). Made some coffee, then L turned off the water and began the work to replace some kind of filter on the water pump (which provides the water supply for the house). I started on breakfast -- not a REAL challenge, since it was mostly recycling leftovers: large pieces of prime rib, from the meal we had at the Elks Lodge on Friday evening, slicing up and then sauteeing some leftover new potatoes as well as part of a baked potato, and finally scrambling up the two eggs left in the fridge. Not too tough. I cannot seem to do a straight-up fried egg, even tho' I do like mine over easy. Gotta work on that, I guess.

He took a break to eat breakfast then returned to the pump challenge.

Eventually, we took turns showering and got ready to go to a local bar to catch the last half of the Vikings game (they won -- and Brett Favre IS worth it... so far). Visited with some of his friends there, then went to a local pizza place for a way-too-large pizza (yes, Virginia -- we ARE bringing home leftovers).

Next stop was the grocery store. I am constantly reminded that I am NOT in Texas anymore, and this was one of those reminders. For I spotted this product, which I am wondering about: is it offered anywhere else but in Minnesota?

Ketchup-flavored potato chips, folks. Yes, you read that correctly. And catsup/ketchup is the Minnesota equivalent of salsa, I do believe. This version was an Old Dutch product, I think.

I am getting somewhat used to hearing some words or phrases that I have not heard (very frequently) for YEARS: pop (instead of soda or soft drink); spendy (instead of expensive); and that famous one: ISH. Kinda/sorta means disgusting, but in a lesser show of revulsion. I don't mean to laugh -- but that particular one amuses me, and I don't know why.

Well, gotta run. We will leave the shop soon and continue on our way home. See ya down the country roads...

Under Constructon / Destruction

2009-09-22T10:01:00.004-05:00

Oh. My. God. So much, SO-O-O-O much I have forgotten about this neck-of-the-woods. Such as... as soon as the ground thaws around the region (which, thankfully, I did NOT witness in person), they immediately start ripping up many, many highways and streets, in a vain attempt to repair and keep ahead of the next winter's destruction of said roadways.

Now, I know, I really DO, that the greater Houston area was constantly bombarded with similar road repairs. But because of its size, it did not necessarily impact ME with every bit of it. So why does it seem, in this much-smaller metro area, that we are constantly travelling over or being stopped by this rebuilding? In fairness, I must say that my entire first year of living and working in Houston, I had the inglorious route of travelling I-10 (aka the Katy Fwy) to and from work. The first six months or so, it was totally rebuilt in the eastbound direction, followed by (of course) the westbound route, when the first part was completed.

I am amused at how much press (television and print, both) is given to crimes that would never, NEVER have been mentioned in Houston. Houston is NOT a low-crime area, folks, and I never thought it was. And after a three-month stint on a grand jury panel for Harris County back in the late 80's or early 90's, I was more certain of that fact than ever. A grand jury's job is just to assess whether there is enough evidence to bring charges against a potential defendant. But the county attorneys have to funnel these cases through the grand jury process. Most of the cases are pretty much cut-and-dried. And we heard about 70 a day -- yes, you read that right. Seventy cases were trotted out, read to us, and mostly they were rubber-stamped by we grand jurors. Meaning the defendant was charged. Like I said, big city, lots of crimes. Several million folks living in the greater-metro area. And to put this into further prospective: each day, TWO grand jury panels served - and each panel served TWO days a week. So, fourteen panels a week, each hearing about the same number of cases. Mind-boggling, eh? To balance out how crime is handle here: I saw a minimum of THREE squad cars in a parking lot -- apparently all officers were involved in what (from my car, at least) appeared to be an apprehension of several young gals who may have tried shoplifting. On the grass near a strip shopping center, was spread out the contents of several bags and/or handbags. I mean, I am happy with this approach to crime, but puzzled by what seems (at times) to be overkill. Perhaps I have been away too long (or maybe not long enough?). Just a comment -- not a criticism. Citizens expect that around here -- and just the opposite in the metro Houston area, where we had to adjust to way too FEW officers for the large population.

Well... gotta run. Have many tasks that need to get done and I am procrastinating. Sigh...

Scattered thoughts

2009-09-18T17:19:00.004-05:00

So... ummm... just bits and pieces and none of it very special or noteworthy.

Finally connected with my sis on Monday on the phone, re: Mom's birthday. Mom had a request for where she wanted to "celebrate". So that's where we went on Tuesday, when Mom marked her 82nd birthday. Yup -- we went to the local watering hole in my li'l old "hometown". (An aside -- I only spent 9 years in this town, from ages 9 to 18, and graduated high school there. Made some good friends there, had some good times, and then moved to the Twin Cities -- aka the Cities, aka Minneapolis/St. Paul and lived there until age 36. From there, it was the greater Houston area for my homes and employment.) But, as they say, I digress...

The local bar used to be a "muni", which meant that it was run by the city/village and the revenues went to said government. That meant both off-sale (entire bottles or cans sold, to be consumed off-premises) and on-sale (consumed by the drink, on the premises). I have no idea when, but this was eventually sold to a private party and has since been run as a bar which also serves bar (aka snack-style) food. The frozen kinds of food that can be cooked either (1) in a deep-fryer or (2) in a pizza oven -- in other words, health food as the drinking population knows it. Free popcorn, specials on some beers, etc. And this is where Mom wanted to go. I think her curiousity was piqued by the fact that sis (and more recently, me, too) has mentioned being in there, and Mom has not been in the place since its rebirth. And it just happened that a fellow who used to work with Mom (she was working well into her late 70's) was in there, so she chatted with him a bit. I think she had a good time, although it is not always easy to tell. She's never been a very emotional person, for the most part.

Wednesday is L's golf day - he sees about 5 or 6 friends from high school, and they golf a 9-hole course during warmer months. Then they go to the local pizza establishment (has several locations in Duluth, but is locally owned and operated) that so many love up here -- Sammy's Pizza. Sis's guy also golfs in a Wednesday group, so she and I made plans to do something together this past Wednesday. And I waited and waited for her to call... and apparently we had our wires crossed, for she waited and waited for ME to call her. And when I DID call her - on Thursday - we discovered that each of us had "heard" the other one saying, "I'll call you tomorrow." Senior moments... And we both thought it was odd, not receiving the expected phone call!

Thursday morning, L took his on-the-bike test (borrowed a friend's very large, very weighty Harley) -- and passed. Which now leaves us in good shape for Florida, where a friend of his will sell us his 1990 Honda Goldwing. More on this later. L had not expected to pass, actually, since this BIG bike weighs about 900 pounds and that makes it very unwieldy when trying to weave around the smallish cones that are part of this test. But... we were both glad that he DID pass.

I had my hair color touched-up on Thursday. Now most women will agree that this is of primary importance, when you relocate -- GOTTA find someone who can/will do your haircolor -- and do it WELL -- and also the cutting and styling. So important, in fact, that I have always found a hairstylist first, then eventually doctors and dentists. True story with me, whenever I have moved into a new area. The new stylist has lots of years of experience and I was very pleased with her, both professionally and personality-wise.

And now it is Friday. We are in the shop a bit later -- L is working on putting his videos on YouTube -- how-to ones that promote the products he makes -- and I am obviously posting on the blog. Had some wonderful (for northern MN) weather the past few days -- upper 70's and maybe the 80's and sunny blue skies.

I am still hearing the loons in the early morning and late in the evenings. I will miss their calls when we go to Florida, and maybe they will migrate before we leave later in October, anyhow. I saw a hummingbird at the feeder last week - I think he/she is the only one around now -- but have not noticed that li'l feathered flier this week. Either this bird has flown, or it is being shy now.

L and I are getting more used to each other -- we had some testy moments over these 11-plus weeks, and I do attribute that to a speeded-up "relationship" setup. Went from Skype-ing to living together, and I had doubts at times, which are easing. I think about women, back in the 1800's, who may have been married to a man who was a near-stranger, and cannot imagine what that was like for them. Probably moved away from their family (and thus no support from their mother or other family femmes) and maybe into a hardscrabble type of life. And I am fortunate to have moved TO an area where my mother and sister (as well as some cousins) live. So... I am happier and more at-ease with my guy and my life and... just happier, that's all.

Ready to enjoy the weekend! 'Bye for now.

Autumn leaves

2009-09-01T16:38:00.005-05:00

Song titled Autumn Leaves (from the 1940's - 1950's): "The falling leaves drift by my window, the autumn leaves of red and gold." "And soon I'll hear old winters song." Or lyrics to that effect.

Boy, autumn starts EARLY in this neck of the woods. Already, in the heavily wooded area in which L's house sits, or along the similarly wooded areas we drive along - touches of color (pretty oranges and some reds) are appearing in a few branches. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the changing leaves. But it is WAY. TOO. EARLY. for all of that shit, for me. It has been (by accounts of the locals) a very cool (I call it COLD) summer. So I rarely have had occasion to wear capris or shorts or sandals. My tan faded weeks ago, and it had "taken" so easily, when I was still in Houston. I have only been on my bicycle twice since I got here (part of that is the unpacking which takes forever - and part is the fact that I spend too much time at the shop).

The hummingbirds which frequent our nectar feeder, appear to have left -- and that might mean that they have only moved on to a neighbor's more-frequently refilled feeder. I don't know much about the migration of the birds around here (yet). I was so used to birds that stayed year-round in the Houston area, such as mockingbirds or doves. Don't get me wrong - we also had migrating birds in that part of Texas. I'm just sorta surprised that birds move out so early in the season, and that the leaves are beginning to turn this early, too.

Finally FINALLY got the news about the cost of repairing the outboard motor which conked out and set us adrift in the pontoon towards the end of July. Five hundred smackeroos. Ouch. However, a new outboard would run into several thousands of dollars - something we are not prepared to cough up at this point. Gotta have the motor in order to move the pontoon next door to the neighbor who so nicely allows L to launch and eventually pick up the pontoon using his easily-accessible shore. L's place has a steep drop and is NOT pontoon-launching friendly.

We are still trying to connect with the real world from L's place. Yesterday we got DirecTV installed. Now we can watch some REAL tv, instead of what is only available on local stations.

Next on the checklist is trying to get internet connection - L is currently using something from his cellphone service - some kind of mobile broadband that snaps into his laptop. He saw a sign posted by a new provider - high in one of the trees, down the dirt road which eventually meanders to L's driveway - and L talked with them. It will be nice, IF their signal can be used back-and-forth between L's home and an antenna across the lake from his place. They will notify us if this is possible. Please, everyone... cross your fingers that this IS going to happen. That mobile broadband crap is the pits - s-l-o-o-o-w and then it cuts out on a whim. Trust me - we used this back when we were Skype-ing. It sucks.

My dining room table is set up in his house now, and also a desk that we can (1)work on and (2) stash computer-related stuff (software, etc) on, too.

*** WOW -- I entered this a while back and just gettin' around to posting it now. Had hoped to have photos downloaded to go with this, but that will have to wait! Yes, I am alive and well (a judgement call, I am aware!), just busy. I will try to post the next update much sooner!

More of the same...

2009-08-22T16:14:00.004-05:00

Just came from spending time with my sis - it was the wrap-up day of a 3-day garage sale. The cold, rainy weather was NOT helpful for driving folks in to shop. A very, very slow process that did NOT pick up until she and her daughter went into their "whatever you can fit into a bag, for a buck" mode. So lots of things got toted out the door at that point. And still, and still... lots of leftover plates, glasses, wineglasses. The ususual thought is that college students would want things for setting up their apartments, etc. But maybe parents are more flush, can afford to buy these things new for their kidlings? The economy in this area is very tight, lots of unemployment. So maybe another reason for slow and low sales.

L and I are getting along a bit better now. I know that he feels overwhelmed by "stuff", and believe me, I would have pared down things much MUCH more, if I had had ANY clue that this was my destination. In fact, I HAD started getting rid of things in the early spring, figuring that I would end up in a two-bedroom apartment or condo or some such situation. But then I did not have the luxury of the time that I had counted on. I estimated my house being on the market for probably months... be careful what you wish for, I keep saying. I am looking into a storage unit here - I have things that I want to have in a climate-controlled area, such as many 45's and some albums which are possible collectibles. I need time to research these on E-Bay, to see what possible value these things might have. Don't want to throw out something that might bring in some coin!

We are back this afternoon (Saturday) at his shop. He's working on his product site, trying to put in keywords that will bring the site some page-one visibility on Google and Yahoo, when folks look for cleaning products. We have contracted with an SEO company. The SEO stands for Search Engine Optimization, for those who do not know. And believe me, I did NOT know about SEO's until just a few weeks ago! Anyway, they are schooling us in the steps we need to take, to make L's product site sit higher when you search for glass cleaner or carpet cleaner on the 'net. (He has other products, too.) He has put his whole heart and soul and 15 years of development to try to make this a "go". And his products ARE very good - not just sayin' that - they really ARE good products. Of course, I am using them -- and the All Purpose Cleaner will safely remove many more stains from laundry than most products will.

It was fun to spend some time with my sis and her daughter during the garage sale. And weird to step into the room of her house that was formerly my sis's and her late husband's bedroom. Her house is now occupied by her daughter and her fiance, and the young couple have made that into an office. Sis still owns the house, plans to sell it next year.

God help me... I think I am adjusting to the cooler temps! I was outside this a.m. with L and was NOT too cold, wearing a fleece zip-up and temps in the mid-60's. He was setting up to pull down a very tall, very dead birch tree, so I helped with the extension ladder that he moved into place, before he began climbing said ladder and tying a rope high in this tree. Tomorrow he hopes to pull it down - his worry is that a strong storm or bad winter will fell the tree onto the house and/or power line.

Strange to be living here now and running into people that I know, when I am doing just day-to-day things. I was leaving a fabric store this afternoon, and as I turned to go towards the exit door, I saw a high school classmate and his wife. So we chatted - they were not aware that I was now living in this area, as my original plans were to move to a Twin Cities suburb. Nice to be able to chat in a leisurely fashion with hometown folks.

Tonight we are meeting Sis and her Significant Other (boyfriend, whatever), R, for dinner. That was L's idea - and it gives us a chance to have a nice, slow visit where neither I nor Sis has to cook OR clean up after a meal. R and L seem to get along well, too, which is a bonus. The place where we will eat tonight, is the place where the waiter accidentally spilled an entire glass of pinot noir all over L's shirt several weeks ago! Fortunately, L's all purpose cleaner product DID get the stain out - and it was not laundered until a few days AFTER that incident.

Anyway, end of commercial. As I mentioned, we are melding our styles, slowly. He DOES have affection for me - as I do for him - but it is just not so easy to make two strong-willed folks into a cohesive unit in a short amount of time. We are both trying to make this work, and that is something we both agree on. I think we will be fine - just difficult to make things go so smoothly in "crunch time".

And thanks for your input on the comments, friends. You are my support, and I thank you for that!

Another quickie update!

2009-08-14T21:35:00.002-05:00

So here I am in the Holiday Inn Express in the general Kansas City area. And what is going on? I am sitting on a pc in the office area of this hotel, chatting with a young man who is manning the desk. And he and I are "clicking", and I am so glad to meet a complete stranger (the age of one of my nephews) and find that we have some things in common. He is a descendant of Quannah Parker (Texas natives will know about this) and I found that out just by asking him about his mother's ancestry (she has the high cheekbones and just general appearance of a woman of Native American ancestry). He had shared his MySpace pages with me, and I saw some great photos of him and his family.

Anyway, I have had a long day (we hit the road from Houston about 12:40 AM - just after midnight, folks) and it has a been a long, testy day. We checked into this room about 5 pm or so, and then went to dinner. Needless to say, tempers and patience are short. And so He is asleep upstairs (my Yahoo partner) and I walked to a nearby liquor shop and bought a bottle of wine... and have been chatting with my new friend, M, here. So nice to meet new people and just be able to chat so easily. I feel like I have known M for a long time, and he is the age of one of my nephews. He's a nice guy, very much a people person... and in EVERY sense of the word.

So I have been slightly anesthesized by one glass of wine (following a dinner that happened in TOTAL silence) and now am enjoying human (humane?) company, while the man in my life has dropped into an exhausted slumber. He has worked very VERY hard at getting my possessions packed up and ready to travel. But he is as bullheaded and stubborn as I am - and we butt heads from time to time. Sigh....

No perfect matches, and we are still trying to meld our styles... tough, and difficult to do when you are so used to the way your prior relationship played out. Guess time will tell (doesn't it ALWAYS?).

Good to report that the closing on the house went well. And so I will wrap up this quick entry and sign off... Now I only hope that most of the stuff gets up north okay and that I can sort thru and throw out things in a timely manner. Hard to box up your whole life in only a few days - but I know that even more down-sizing is necessary. Just not easy to do.

Wish me well, folks... the older I (we) get, the more stubborn we become!

What's up?

2009-07-29T16:23:00.002-05:00

One day just seems to fade into another...

Sunday was very busy. We have been tapping a local marketing guy to help L's products sell better. J (marketing guy) and L had scheduled a day of video-ing, with the idea of trying to get some traffic directed to his website. From 10 a.m. until about 6 p.m., two guys - D working the camera and sound, and J sort of directing - focused on L and the products he had decided to promote. We had sandwich fixin's that we broke out around 1:30 or 2 (eventually time just got away from me). Other than that, it was pretty steady work for L: reading the promotions, blowing the scripts (sometimes), re-delivering the lines. Just a l-o-o-n-n-g day that we were both becoming steadily more and more tired of.

I should mention here that this day had a conflict for me. A high-school classmate, M, has an annual gathering at her cabin (by coincidence, her place is on the same lake that L resides on). It was to start at noon, with pot-luck contributions of food plus BYOB and so on. I have never been in MN before, when the get-together was planned, so I was looking forward to it. I was hoping to get to see a few classmates for a bit, but the time grew later and later and the filming was still ongoing, and I was thinkin' that this would not happen.

But finally, FINALLY, the two guys exited - close to 6 pm. And L and I went down to the pontoon - the trip would be shorter by water than by road, as we would have had about 30 - 40 minutes by road, as opposed to 20 minutes by water. No gas when L tried to start the motor -- so up to the garage to bring down some gas and he filled it. And we headed out onto the lake... and could not locate the classmate's cabin. L had looked at Google Earth a day or so earlier and was SURE that he could find it. And we absolutely. could. not. So, with cell phone in hand, I informed classmate M of this. And the problem compounded: not only could we not find the party, but now the motor was sputtering. And it eventually gave up the ghost, with the transmission apparently shot. Now we are adrift on a fairly large lake - and then I spotted M's cabin! Furthermore, a handful of the attendees were at the shore, waving to us. L pointed to our left (the direction the pontoon was drifting) and held up 4 fingers - his guesstimate of how many properties we would land AWAY from M's place.

We drifted up to a dock where the owners were NOT happy to see us. They had recently spent a chunk of change on repairs caused by a windstorm and were afraid that L's pontoon, in a windstorm, could re-damage their dock. So, eventually, the owner towed the pontoon several properties to the right of M's, up onto a sandy beach where L tied the pontoon securely to a tree.

Whew... and so we went in to join the remaining classmates (about 4 or 5, some with spouses), have something to eat, and drink a beer or two. Another classmate, B and her husband M, gave us a ride back to L's place in their pickup truck - only one seat available, so I ended up on L's lap, hunkered over, so I would not bump my head into the truck's headliner.

It was a long day, and we were both happy to see its end. On the positive side, most of the folks were SO-O-O nice and helpful, and it is always nice to see that. More later, on how the pontoon got back to L's. And how much the repair$ will cost, I guess...

I think I am re-acclimating a bit here - but it is still quite cool for me, most days. For instance, today it is only in the 70's - a temp that we experience in Houston only overnight, at this time of the year.

Five pm here. Time to post and head for L's grandson's softball game. Later...

Nothing much to say...

2009-07-24T16:09:00.002-05:00

... But I do feel that I need to keep in contact. So here's an update.

Still working with my "friend" L at his business. I feel a little more like I am contributing now -- I can write up invoices, mailing labels, enter credit card entries for approval, do hand-labeling, help with the filling line, etc. So not entirely useless.

We have been looking at motorcycles. L previously was a licensed pilot and some years ago had his own plane (seaplane type), and he sold that to put money into his business. He really, REALLY loved flying. So now he's looking at (used) cycles, to give him the "freedom" that he had when he was flying. We are also looking at good helmets (a must, unless you are into self-sacrifice), and even are looking at some pricier jackets with LOTS of built-in protection (which do NOT come cheap, believe me). Time will tell, on whether we have a bike by this fall or not.

My sister's "real" birthday (as opposed to the surprise party on Saturday, marking the occasion) was Wednesday, so she and R, my mom, sis's daughter, and myself and L, went to a local restaurant for dinner. Then up to my sis's for cake and ice cream, said cake baked by our mom. Mom had offered a cake for me, for my bd, and I declined, since I did not have several folks to help us eat the remainder.

L worked on a rental house that his daughter and son-in-law own, fixing the plumbing for the tenants. He does charge her for this, so it's not gratis.

My high school classmates (as many as want to be there) are gathering at another place on this lake on Sunday. Unfortunately, L will be occupied for part of that day by video-ing some "spots" for his website. So I hope that we can get over there for a few minutes or hours if the filming wraps up early enough. It's about a 15-minute trip by boat, but about 45 minutes by vehicle (have to circumvent the lake to reach the classmates place).

Well... gotta run to get some errands done. I'll catch up with y'all later!

Where in the world is Nancy?

2009-07-15T15:23:00.007-05:00

Well, for those of you who care and still read to look for updates...

I am in Duluth, MN. Long, l-o-o-n-n-g story, and I will try to make it brief.

When I was in northern MN at the end of May, just for grins, I got on Yahoo! Personals. You have to put in specific info, obviously, but you can be vague, as well. So I put in some info and used the zip code of the town that I grew up in. Truthfully, it was a "fishing" exercise for me... just curious to see what I would find, see who would respond to me. And actually, there seemed to be some good guys, from what I was reading. Older guys who were looking for a nice woman. In less than 24 hours, 3 guys had made contact with me, and then in less than 30 days, 40+ guys had at least viewed my profile, and some of them made contact with me, too.

Anyway, I started e-mailing with a guy who is a bit older than me. I just turned 61 (July 7th) and he is 66. He has his own small business that he is trying to expand. I will give more detail about this in another posting. Seemed very nice, and then we decided to exchange phone numbers, and eventually he asked me to download Skype, a free software that allows you to see and hear each other (provided that you are at a computer equipped with a camera). We both apparently liked what we saw and heard, and I mentioned in a previous post about limiting him to about an hour of Skyping a night.

He pressed me to allow him come down to see me, and I hesitated during that phone conversation. After my last encounter, I was reluctant to dive in again. But he persisted and I told him to fly down. He flew in the evening that I retired from my 24-year-employment. We clicked -- and now I am living at his place (sorry if some of you are scandalized, but by my age, time waits for no one). He is a very nice guy. My family (mom, sis and sis's significant other) have met him and like him. I have met his daughter, son-in-law and 3 grandkids, plus his son and daughter-in-law, and we seem to get along well, also.

His business gets a lot of his attention, and I am working side-by-side with him most days, Monday thru Friday. Thus... not really retired yet. I try to be supportive and do whatever I can.

We are flying back to Houston the second Sunday in August, so that we can pack up my house and get me ready to move. So fast, things are moving -- as Yoda would say. I haven't even had a chance to start doing change-of-address things. My info is at my house in Houston!

Gotta run. More will follow.

Moving FAST!

2009-07-06T11:34:00.002-05:00

Well,my dears... just a brief update.

It appears that my house is SOLD -- and to the very first buyer(s) who looked at it! Of course, it would have been nice to get more money than I settled for. But the object was to get it sold. So I am overwhelmed... things are movin' a bit faster than I had counted on.

Tentative plans are to fly back to Houston, rent a car, get the house packed up (rent a truck) and then drive back to MN. As I said... TENTATIVE plans. I guess the house closing is around mid-August. I did kid around hoping that my house sells so fast, that I get whiplash. Well... be careful what you wish for!

Details are forthcoming -- sorry to be so long in between posts, but I was so busy getting my house ready for showing and trying to figure out what I would need to bring with me to MN, that I hardly had time for anything else.

Here I go... another chapter in my life.

Father's Day

2009-06-19T15:08:00.002-05:00

Well... here comes another Father's Day this Sunday. And last year, in March, the last dad in my immediate family, Greg's father, died. So now there are no older-generation dads, and even now, no current-generation (meaning mine) that are in our family. It is strange to NOT have a "real" dad to send a card to, to phone on Sunday. Since the birth of his first child, I have been sending a card to my nephew, who has two boys of his own and is dealing with the reality that parenting brings - all the challenges, but also the rewards that kids bring.

My own dad has been gone four (five?) years now. At the time, his abrupt death did not really seep into my consciousness, in a way. Yet I was so glad that Greg and I had dropped everything and flown to northern MN when my sister let me know that he was hospitalized and it did not look good. So very, very glad. I would not have forgiven myself if I had not hugged him or talked with him those last few times. His first great-grandchild was an infant then, and there are photos of Dad with the baby. The most difficult thing I had to do, after his death, was to sit in the car as we backed out of the driveway and headed to Minneapolis for our return flight to Houston. I felt so awful, leaving my mother with that empty house. Of course, now I know what she went through. But my guilt feelings were whipping me about that day like a large flag on a high pole in hurricane-force winds. And my brother-in-law has been gone over seven years now. Another sudden death. Another father gone.

Father's Day -- for so many years, a time of happiness, buying and sending cards and making phone calls. And now a time for recollections, for reflections.

To all of you who still have your dads or your husbands to hug -- be grateful. No matter how good or poor their parenting skills, be happy that you have them to hug.

Loose ends from a cluttered mind

2009-06-17T08:41:00.003-05:00

Nothin' special to comment about...

For years now, I have dined out on a monthly basis with a group that originally came from a church-organized setting. Our church has an annual thing in the fall, whereby you can sign up for various activities. One of these was a dinner group, and so my late spouse and I signed up for that. And our particular group just sorta fell apart quickly, and it seemed that no one except us was making much of an effort to gather for the dinners. Somewhere in that first year, we had another church-organized gathering (it was set up for small groups and was hosted by one couple at their house). Talk turned to the dinner groups. I think at least 3 of the couples were in the same group, and Greg and I complained that we were not having much luck with our dinner group, and we begged to go with the other group. And that is how this all started.

The group was 5 couples strong at the beginning. Two of the couples have husbands who turned 80 last November, and the third couple is about 65 - 67 years in age. These three couples are all retired, of course. The fourth couple split several years ago - he very callously moved out of their home just at the start of Thanksgiving weekend that year. As part of his relocation, he changed addresses for his utilities - and she was, without warning, left with no electricity - for Thanksgiving! She was livid, as you can fully understand. What a shithead, a self-indulgent, egotistical piece of crap he was/is. Only thinking of himself. His ex-wife is a wonderful woman, and I'll call her B. She stayed with our group. He was NOT asked to continue.

And of course, last year Greg died. So now we are 8 in number. I contacted this group when I unexpectedly found Greg dead. They were and still are very supportive, just like family. And when you don't have family near you, you cherish those who love you unconditionally. Trust me -- there are times that you do not anticipate how much you will need and want family around you.

All of this background, to bring me to our last dinner. B decided to organize an early one, since one of the couples was heading out of state to see the newest grandchild. So she phoned around and we all decided that the first Saturday in June would work for all of us. She picked one of our favorite restaurants, Rudi Lechner's. Rudi is Austrian and the menu reflects that region. Sometimes there is entertainment, and we were fortunate enough to have that, on this night. Just a two-person group. The guy sings, sometimes plays that l-o-o-n-g Alpine horn, and the woman plays a keyboard. They do traditional songs from that region, and this time they threw in a few from The Sound of Music. Most of the diners were singing along to Edelweiss, myself included.

But sneaky B -- and the others! They had really organized this as a pre-retirement dinner for me!! So sweet and thoughtful of them. I was wondering why they were producing greeting cards and passing them to me. I was really touched. I have eschewed the retirement lunch that is offered here at the Port, since I do not have any family living here. So the fact that the dinner group did this, was very special to me.

On other notes... have been trying to limit my friend to about an hour of Skype-ing a night. Otherwise I fall woefully behind on packing up to get OUT of this house and on to new locations. He's been pretty good about those limitations so far.

As I said, I have chosen to NOT have the traditional Port retirement lunch. But I think maybe my dept will do something, anyway -- probably at least a cake, and I know that a card is being circulated. We will be having a Happy Hour at some nearby bar at the end of the workday on the 25th, too. And no one will be HAPPIER than me! But I do realize that I will miss the camaraderie, the day-to-day exchange with my co-workers. So some sadness, too, I expect. One of the newly-hired guys seems to be eyeballing my soon-to-be-vacated cubicle. Sometimes I feel like the dying mammal out in the desert, seeing the vultures circling above.

Anyway, nothing special going on. Hope to have something amusing to tell you the next time around.

Skype-ing

2009-06-08T13:58:00.002-05:00

Okay, so maybe I am a little late on some aspects of technology. But I honestly had NO idea of what Skype was (is). Well, it turns out that it is free software that you download and install (free - sometimes a good idea, sometimes not, where hackers and lurkers exist on the internet). And it allows you to view AND converse with another. There is a bit of a delay, for both the audio and the visual, and if one party does not have great connections or line speed, it can sometimes be painfully slow and out of sync (which we have all witnessed when we watch old movies and the characters lips do not match quite exactly what we are hearing).

Anyway, I have a new "friend" that I "met" via internet dating. He is a kinda small-town guy (so was the last one and I found out that THAT aspect was not a guarantee of faithfulness, at all). He seems very sincere and also has some connections (that old "Six Degrees of Separation" thing) which may help me to determine his character and so on. Enough about that.

He told me about Skype and now we are using that a lot. Sometimes we just use the video portion, mute the sound, and use our cell phones at the same time. It was SO odd, the first time we saw each other. You could tell that we were checkin' each other out. I laughed a lot (he did, too) and our conversation seemed to go pretty well. So well, in fact, that we talked for 5 hours! Like damned teenagers. I am so afraid to let my heart go again, and frankly, I told him that. And he told me that he would NOT do that to me - that he wants to honestly pursue this relationship and give it a fair time to see where it goes. I guess I can't ask for any more than that.

Anyway - if you want to converse with ANYONE - and not pay long-distance charges or worry about cost overruns on your cell minutes - I would heartily endorse Skype-ing. I don't know if this is the same way that families back in the States are conversing with their loved ones in Iraq and Afghanistan, although if not using this, then they might be using something similar. It requires (naturally) that you have a camera on your pc, and since I recently purchased a new laptop - voila! Be careful how you look in the morning, if they want you to hop onto that right away! I'm just sayin' .....

Later.

Okay, about that babysitting thing...

2009-06-03T09:02:00.003-05:00

In posting this, I hurt a family member that I really care about. So I have removed it and will try to be more careful in the future. I really did not intend to hurt this person, and I will be crawling on my knees for forgiveness for a LONG, LONG time on this one.

Please forgive me. I know that this is NOT widely read, and the family member does not know this, I am sure. Mea culpa.

I'm ba-a-a-ck!

2009-05-31T21:38:00.002-05:00

Yes, I am back. Completely exhausted and tryin' to get the blood back into my alcohol system.... er.... anyway, probably way too much stuff to recount, but I'll try to touch on the highlights - maybe tomorrow.

It is after 9:30 and my butt is draggin'. Got into Houston about 5:30 tonight and hopped on the internet just a bit ago. Had to do the important things - get the mail from my neighbor who so graciously took it in for me, run and pick up a few groceries. Gotta unpack my toothbrush (and - this is VITAL, folks) my makeup, so I don't scare the co-workers tomorrow.

Just wanted ya'll to know that I am alive and (this is a judgment call on my part) well.

A brief pause...

2009-05-24T11:35:00.003-05:00

Well, I am in the greater Mpls-St.Paul area, staying with my sister at her son and daughter-in-law's place. We are caring for their two children (boys) ages 5 and 3 and quite a challenge. My sis cared for them last year all by herself, and I do NOT know how she accomplished that. I will probably have some detail to share with you later, and I feel guilty taking these few minutes to post and leaving her upstairs (I am in the basement - after all - it's Minnesota). I can hear the 5-year-old pestering my sister about where is Jessi now? Anyway, details later.

Your NPR name

2009-05-18T10:34:00.003-05:00

If you are a fan of NPR (National Public Radio, for you un-initiated), you know that many hosts and participants have slightly unusual names. Want one for yourself? Go to this website: NPR Name.

My name? Jessmica Lunenberg. (I chose to prounce it Jess-ME-ka) The town is not a really tiny town (pop. over 2,000), but it is charming. It's in Nova Scotia.

Slightly better

2009-05-18T08:28:00.003-05:00

For all of you supportive women (and for lurkers and casual readers, too) - I am doing better than when I posted on Saturday. In fact, Sunday was a VERY "up" day for me. I did actually get some things accomplished around the house, including most of the laundry (gotta have my playclothes ready to toss in the suitcase). I am basically down to needing to wash my sheets and my skivvies (gotta make sure the undies are clean, although no one but me will be seeing 'em).

Today is a more level day - some up, some down times. I did have an opportunity to discuss my male problem with a few friends (on the phone). One decided that I should just handle this the Texan way: shoot him. And then drag his body across the threshold, so I could use that ol' alibi of defending my property against an intruder. Unfortunately, he does not live in this state. But... hmmm....

So I go forward, with a heavier heart, nonetheless. On a logical, conscious level, I know that I have a lot to offer any man who would take a second look. But on an emotional level - I am so afraid of getting burned again, that I wonder if I can take the handcuffs off my heart. Guess time will tell. Anyone got a boytoy that I can use to practice with?

Oh, humor... guess I am recovering a bit! Gotta run (I'm at work). Talk wit' ya later!

Down, down, depressed

2009-05-16T17:16:00.002-05:00

Having a bad week, and I guess I only have myself to blame for this. I was disappointed by a man that I thought cared for me. And I hate myself for wearing my heart on my sleeve and leaving me so vulnerable, emotionally. I have been in or near tears most of today. Do not have anyone available (and believe me, I did try) to chat with on the phone or listen to me cry. And the timing of all of this was just peachy - Greg died one year ago on the 15th (yesterday). I guess that compounded the hurt. Maybe I am a 3-time loser: my first husband (divorce), second husband (death) and now this guy who let me down. Damn me for being so trusting, eh?

Worse yet, this has taken the wind out of my sails, and I am NOT moving forward with the packing up that is needed, to get this house on the market. Could the timing be any worse, I ask you.

Sorry to post this downer of a posting. Just sharing my low times - cannot find anything funny in this at all.

More stuff, same Thursday

2009-05-07T13:29:00.002-05:00

Just a couple of things:

I am wearing a bright, lime-green top and have on long, dangly earrings in the same color (just about shoulder-length earrings). Lately, I seem to have discovered color and lost inhibitions along those same lines. I bought these earrings (and a coupla other pairs) at a chain called Charming Charlies. What a fun store to browse through! The costume jewelry is SO fun, so inexpensive... each pair of earrings that I bought, was only $5. And it makes me feel bubbly when I wear one of these funky pairs of earrings.

Last night, after work, I went to a wine-and-food pairing put on by one of the HEB grocery stores in my suburban area. I know several of the people who work there, especially those at the Cooking Connection. And also the store's wine steward. The Cooking Connection is where they offer recipes and samples of food prepared with store specials of the week, whether it be meat, fish, spices, etc.It was a lot of fun, and I was surprised to see a woman come into the room who was from my church. In fact, when we joined this church 10 years ago, the church paired us up with someone, and she was our "sponsor". Anyway, she lost her husband years and years ago... and well, I don't want to go on and on.

So it was fun to have someone to talk with, compare wine favorites with, etc. I think we were the last two people to leave the room, when the evening was drawing down. Good times - great laughter! I wasn't too fond of her when we met her years ago, and that mostly stemmed from the fact that she smelled like a walking cigarette. I smoked in my late teens and early 20's, then quit. My late spouse had oral cancer years ago, and it was caught in time. But you and I know the biggest contributing factor for oral cancer: tobacco use. So maybe you can understand my dislike for smokers. J, the woman I sat with last night, quit smoking years ago, and now I find that she has a fun personality.

Tonight, at the other HEB in my area, I am going to a wine-tasting night. They don't have a full-blown food menu with this one, but do offer some cheese, fruit, bread to try to keep us half-way sober (well, that is how I interpret that). And I know the wine steward at this store, too, and also E, the woman who is kind of a steward-in-training. E makes me laugh, and that is a GOOD thing!

So - two nights where I don't have to cook. Great! And where I can be amongst other people while eating and sipping - even better. Eating alone gets to be the pits, folks, don't let anybody kid you on this. I mean, I used to enjoy trying to squeeze in "me" time (sometimes I felt like we had too much together time). But when the choice isn't there, it gets old in a hurry.

That's the summary. Maybe the weekend will produce something worthy of blogging about. And I can tell you what happened in probate court, where I'll be on Monday, as the lawyer presents the handwritten will to the judge. My two friends from Wimberley are graciously coming back into Houston to swear to Greg's handwriting, bless them both. I hope I can be as good a friend to them through the years, as they have been to me.

Free blog makeover

2009-05-07T10:36:00.003-05:00

Thanks to One Breath at a Time for mentioning this: visit this site to get entered for a free blog makeover! Hey, it's worth a shot - plus your odds on this one are SO much better than winning the lotto!!

Quick update

2009-05-05T13:26:00.003-05:00

Just to let you all know that I am alive and (fairly) well (if you don't count my mental health!)...

Took last week as a "vacation" from work. And that was interrupted by jury duty - the jury duty from Hell, as it turned out. Details later.

Got a bit done for packing up, and after all, that was my intent. So much house to pack up, and getting down to the nitty gritty crap that does take time to go through. Decided that I just did NOT have the time to parse thru all the vinyl albums that my late spouse left for me to manage. Please take this comment in the humorous mode that I offer it: If he was not already dead, I would kill him! Yes, I have come far enough to say that and laugh about it. Who knew this journey could be accompanied by laughter and humor?

A friend of mine (yes, A, I am talking about you!) and I have a sort of "gallows" sense of humor about departed spouses. I think it is one of the reasons that we enjoy each others' company so much!

What was I talking about? Oh, right - the albums. There is a chain of stores (in Texas, not sure about other areas) called Halfprice Books. They buy used books, and also albums. I toted the seemingly unending volume of albums there, in two batches, one on Monday past, and the rest on Friday. There were enough albums to fill 7 - 9 produce crates (yes, they were stored in those wooden crates, the kind that peaches come into the stores in) pretty well. And I got the grand total of $275. Not a lot of coin, but the object was to NOT have to tote them back to MN with me. Plus, I really provided the staff with endless opportunities to make comments. For example: There was an old Rolling Stones album called Sticky Fingers (and I am NOT going there, folks). It was manufactured with an actual working zipper on the cover, and the staff at HPB said that they had never seen this album with the zipper still intact!

In the immortal words of Rod Stewart - Do Ya Think I'm Sexy? (the vehicle, folks!)

Got myself some new - new to ME - wheels. Replaced my '97 Honda Accord with a newer '06 Toyota Rav4. I just LOVE this car - I find myself making up little errands that I just have to run, just to get behind the wheel of this beautiful blue baby. I got a really good deal on it - it was a leased vehicle, recently returned, had only 28K miles on it. Upholstery and so on appears to be in good condition. Lotsa room in the cargo area, which will be great when Nancy drives her blue baby up to MN in July. I wish I was hitting the road NOW.

Jury duty - Nancy probably should have been a no-show for this one on Tuesday. Got a notice that tells you to phone after 5 pm the night before your scheduled jury date. And of course the message told me (and others) to report the next morning before 8:30 am. Okay. Showed up, parked the car, checked in. They didn't get rolling until around 9. Then a bailiff talked, the judge talked and we saw a film about doing our civic duty. Cripes, just like a civic class back in high school. We were told that they needed folks for 3, maybe 4 juries. Around about 10 or 10:30, 60 names were called and mine was one of them. We lined up in numerical order (as called) and played follow the leader from the jury assembly building to the court house. Regressed from high school to grade school, now. Except where we had to have our carry-on (oops, this was NOT an airport), er, carry-IN stuff scanned. We went into a courtroom, where more stuff was said (blah, blah, blah). The judge explained that we could go right into the voir dire (where they ask the prospective jury members various questions) or we could go to lunch and start after lunch. So we ended up with an hour-and-a-half lunch break in this pretty small town. Went to a Mexican restaurant that I had been to before, when I had been on the jury for a child molestation case. And ate. And then called my sis and we wasted some time just chatting.

Back in the courtroom. Turned out that this was the 3rd DUI charge against a guy in his early 40's. So he had opted for a jury trial, in the hopes (I am guessing) of keeping his job and so on, as opposed to the mandatory jail time that a "third strike" carries and the job loss that would follow. All I can tell you is that almost everyone in that courtroom had pretty strong feelings, one way or another. I think I could have been an impartial juror, even given my spouse's drinking. You are supposed to decide, based on the evidence presented, after all. From 1:15 until about 4:30 or 5, questions were asked, both by the lawyers and by the 60 potential jurists. Then they sent us up to the 3rd floor to an empty courtroom. And then small groups were summoned: jurors number 2, 3 and 7 (example). They would go down the elevator, and eventually would return to our little queue of antsy waitees. (My word, probably not proper at all - but this IS my blog.) Yes, I took my turn in the rounds of additional questions. Around 7:15 or so, we were summoned back to the courtroom. And 12 names were announced, letting the rest of us leave at 7:30. Long, long day. Eleven hours.

Remember that we were told that there was a need for 3, maybe 4 juries? One of the women in our group of 60, had a friend who was waiting for jury selection, too. And we found out that they let ALL of the rest of the remaining people leave, about 5 minutes after we walked over to the courthouse. Damn.

Nancy's social life

2009-04-26T21:51:00.002-05:00

Well, in the mode of making new friends: Nancy went to a gathering where she knew absolutely NOBODY. Okay, she kinda/sorta knew the hostess. And she had met this hostess, K, on Friday night (yes, only 2 days previous). But... always willing and wanting to make new friends, so what the hell.

K was a lot of fun. Met her Friday night thru I, a crazy friend that Nancy made a few weeks before this, when I was a temp where Nancy works. I is a bit younger than Nancy, but we had a lot in common. And when I invited Nancy to go out with K on Friday night, the answer was YES. And then the 3 of us split a bottle of wine, and had some dinner, too. Then K went home to bathe her dogs. Okay, I don't have dogs, so I guess I really don't understand the devotion there... Still, K seemed like a fun person, too. She reminded I about her open house (for her and the home that she moved into, in November), and she also invited me. And Nancy had nothing to lose, and maybe new "friends" to gain, with this party. So, yes, Nancy went and knew NO ONE except K (my "old" friend of a day plus). And she had a good time, since she was NOT shy and and loved to talk with folks and draw them out.

In fact, in my past, I have gotten myself in trouble by chatting up folks. Case that comes to mind: "chatting" with a deaf guy at a party, who was totally uncomfortable, since no one was making any attempt to "talk" with him. Once I determined that he was deaf, I found paper and we conversed by writing. Nice guy - but no chemistry there, and I sorta remember an awkward goodbye. Way, way many years ago. Before I was married for the first time - and I was 20 for that marriage. But people DO like it, when you start asking about their lives, their experiences.

Anyway... what else happened this weekend?

As mentioned, I went out with I and K on Friday night. Fun night. And - wonder of wonders - we had some heavy rains that evening. In fact, I drove thru some blinding rain (no big surprise here in Houston) and it made me extra cautious. Lately, I have been re-visiting my youth, and I am trying to put the clamps on myself! But it is NOT easy, sometimes.

But the best news: I have a "new" (to me) car! It is an '06 Toyota Rav4. Has only 28,000 on it (it was a lease car that was returned at the end of the lease), and I LOVE the looks of it! Cool color (Toyota calls is Nautical Blue - hey, sailor!), is the Limited (pricier) model with a sunroof and some other bells and whistles. So now I have a good baby SUV to drive up north this summer (and back to TX after I retire) with some good cargo-carrying room. I paid cash for it, and I am SO happy with it. Since my Honda Accord was a '97, I only hope to get several good years with the newest addition to my family.

Oh - and I will be spending Memorial Weekend (and other days) with my sis. We will have some "girl time" together while she cares for the grandsons in a northern St. Paul suburb. It was kinda last-minute-y, so a little costlier, but it will be fun. I will probably look for a townhome to lease in that same suburb. Do not want to commit to buying anything, but want to see what is out there.

I mailed a sympathy card and a nice note, to an old boyfriend. He and I dated over 20 years ago. He has a lot of trouble with authority, so that hasn't worked so well for him (employment-wise) over the years. His mother is, plain and simple, a B____. Lots of others share this judgement. Anyway, his mother tapped him to be the full-time caregiver for his dad, who just died of Alzheimer's. I hesitated to write to him (did not want to have him think I was contacting him for anything other than offering my condolences). But then I remembered the nice note he had sent me, following my first heart surgery (yes, I was married by then). So I thought... what the heck, and I wrote from my heart.

Anyway, that encompasses Miss Nancy's weekend. Boring, and a little stupid. Gotta let my hair down sometime. Not proud of all that was done, but second childhood is a time of adjustments. It sure was, the first time around.

Of juries and painters and other things...

2009-04-23T13:38:00.004-05:00

So... ah, nothing of great importance to relate.

Painter has been out and started on pressure-washing the exterior. He also did the front walk - looks BRAND NEW - and started on the back patio. He wants to seal the concrete on the patio so that it will STAY lookin' good, at least for a while. Although I have been on the back burner when his personal conflicts arise, he has been so good to me in doing extra things, for NO extra money. L has been a great painter, and more importantly, a very good friend. He works in the maintenance dept of a very large cancer center here, and there is to be a 10% reduction in the work force soon. He said that if that does happen, he will just go into business full-time for himself.

I will again try to make some progress in the Great House Pick Up / Throw Out Campaign. Will be taking next week off and am determined to have this house ready for the realtor (and thus, the contract!) if everyone shows up and everything gets accomplished in that week. So y'all pray for me - I need prayers that tell me to "Focus, girl, focus!" The end of the tunnel has a light that is calling me, and I want to get OUT of the tunnel!

Also, I am tentatively scheduled for jury duty next week. This county is much smaller than Harris County (where the city of Houston is), so less crime means that you can call the night before your scheduled jury duty and see if you will need to even show up. Greg got a "by" on his first (and only) jury summons here. Not me. I not only had to show up - I got selected for a criminal case. Not nice to hear the evidence, either - grandfather charged in the molestation of his own granddaughter.

I have never shirked my jury summons, when one arrives. Until 10 years ago, we resided in Harris County and both had to show up for those "cattle calls" where you fill up a large Jury Assembly Room (yes, a large, movie-theatre sized room where you plop down and wait to see if your number is called). I think I actually served on at least two juries during that time (and was the Foreman or Foreperson on one). True story: I had a red suit that I was wearing that day, and a gay guy on that same jury PUSHED me to be chosen as the Fore-whatever. It was the suit that did it, I know it! I also served a 3-month term on a grand jury. The way that system works in Texas, is that a district attorney or assistant district attorney can present evidence to a grand jury, to see if that evidence warrants the pursuit of charges against that person. So, in a way, it is the way that law enforcement makes the citizens carry part of the burden in the criminal justice system.

As rookies in the grand jury process, we slowly made our way through that first day. Now understand, Harris County is a BIG urban area and has countless crimes committed daily. So in the 3-month term that I sat on a grand jury, there were a total of FIVE grand juries "sitting", simultaneously. For example - one group might meet on a Monday and Wednesday, another on Monday and Thursday, another on Tuesday and Thursday, and so on. So on each day of the week, there were always 2 juries working.

Once we "warmed up" to the process, we went through about 70 cases a day. I am not exaggerating, folks - 70. Really, in most cases it was cut and dried: the ADA (asst. district att'y) would basically trot out the evidence and we would return (usually) the "true bill" - evidence was enough for charges to be brought, or "no true bill". Very, very rarely did we NOT agree and vote "true bill". I remember one time when we did NOT vote that way - and from then on, we were not the Chosen Ones. At least that is the conclusion that we came to. On two occasions, we had an entire day devoted to Sex Crimes against Children. Oh - these were so tough to go through, and believe me, we did NOT listen to 70 cases on those days. And let me tell y'all this: these crimes were committed by people who KNEW these children - no stranger-rape or anything like that. Step-parents, grandparents, mommy's boyfriend, father of the child's friend, and so on.

I think the fact that I served on a grand jury, gets me right up there on the Chosen list when jury members are selected during the voir dire. You know: where they ask you questions such as has any family member been in an auto accident, or has any family member had to sue for damages, etc. I think I could stand up and scream, "Hang the bastard!" in a traffic court case, and I would still be selected. I'm just sayin', is all.

I gave my notice at work - did I already mention that? - for my retirement. My last day to have to show up here, is June 25th, and I will get paychecks until close to the end of November. So if the house does not sell right away, I can still make the mortgage payments and so on, without eating up all my retirement income. Whew!

So, like I said, not much happenin'. My bladder says it needs to visit the loo, so I'll close (QUICKLY!). 'Bye.

And it happens to me...

2009-04-18T14:54:00.004-05:00

So, this weekend was supposed to be a good one for me. I took the week off (vacation) to concentrate on tasks that needed to get done. My friends from the Hill Country, D & T, drove into town Wed. night to help me pack up some things to put into storage, plus offer the use of their Expedition to haul stuff to the storage unit and to Goodwill and a resale shop, too. We visited on Thursday for a bit, went to work on packing stuff, and the hubby, T, attacked my desktop computer. He didn't like the various things that had self-loaded and was determined to clean it up.

Well, the upshot of all of that was that, in the middle of all of this, the motherboard crapped out. Fried, fizzled, what-have-you. Now, I had intended to move to a notebook (or laptop) after I moved to MN. Instead, this forced the issue. But it took valuable time away from the packing- and boxing-up that D & I were going to do.

And now I am the proud-but-impoverished (well not really) owner of a new notebook. It's an HP dv6-1030us model. Doesn't mean a damned thing to me, but hey, I can still connect with the rest of the world! I can use the internet again - woo-woo!

My girlfriend, D, is SO good at kicking ass - and she pushed me and pushed me and we really DID get quite a bit accomplished, for packing and clearing. One room upstairs is entirely cleaned out!

Good news and bad, about the folks who have been or are scheduled to work on this house. The painter finally phoned. His father took ill, and while he was at his dad's, his dad's brother died. Unfortunately, the painter left his cell phone at his workplace, in his haste to get to his dad. He was back here on Wed to do some additional touch-up. And nice guy that he is, he offered to take my fertilizer (really, it's a weed-and-feed) and spread it around my lawn. Rain was forecast, so the timing was good.

A guy was scheduled to come to my house today and give me an estimate on having the carpet stretched in a few rooms, plus doing carpet repair in the room that was just cleared out. But... a few minutes after 8 am, the carpet company phoned, apologized, and said that this fellow's child was sick. So would I mind re-scheduling for next weekend? I'm sure that this was just an unfortunate thing that happened, so we'll see if he can make it next Saturday.

We thought it would rain yesterday - it looked threatening most of the day - and it finally did rain towards evening. Nothing heavy - sort of a good soaker rain. But today, the clouds just opened up. Water was running like a small creek in the depressions that were designed into our landscapes, between my neighbors' houses (on both sides of me) and my yard. D & T were heading back to their home, and it was raining fairly well when they packed up and left. But I talked to them, and they were just taking it slow. And had finally been able to put their wiper blades on intermittent! I have driven in Houston using the highest speed on the blades, and it has STILL not been enough. For a period of time this afternoon, the water was lapping at the curb-high levels on my street, as it was raining too fast for the ground to absorb it all.

Disappearing painter?

2009-04-13T08:54:00.002-05:00

I have NO business at all, taking even a few moments to post this.

I am very worried about L G, the very good, very reliable guy who is painting the inside of my house (almost done) and will also be doing the exterior painting. He seems to have fallen off the face of the earth.

My only hope is that he is SO engrossed in a family crisis, that he cannot find time to return any phone messages.

I have left him several messages on the cell # that he uses for business purposes, and none have been returned. This morning I finally found a home # that Greg had for L and his wife P. Phoned that one and also left a message.

Little background: L's mother-in-law lives with him and his wife P. M-I-L has cancer and it recently was diagnosed as moving into her bones. L and P drove the M-I-L back to Lousiana to visit with family and friends - quite possibly a last visit. L was supposed to be here last Wednesday to resume the little bit of interior painting that was NOT finished - basically, a second coat on the (new) back door. Then he would be ready to move to the exterior. I spoke with him on Monday (I think) and he reiterated that he'd be here on Wednesday. And then nothing... just silence.

I only hope that he and P are okay. I just want to hear something from either of them. I hope that this crisis is with his M-I-L only.

That's all, folks. I am taking this week off work to get this house picked up, prior to putting it on the market (I hope) at the end of this week. Wish me luck - if I don't hear from L soon, I am really going to need it.

Thursday

2009-04-02T07:24:00.007-05:00

Mom's wrist: Got a phone call from my sister yesterday. She related that my mother, age 81, had fallen and possibly broken her wrist - or the bone(s) just above the actual wrist. Mom is a regular walker, which we should be happy about, because her balance and stamina are pretty good, considering her age. Well, she was taking a little trek (few blocks from her apt.) and was only about a block from coming home when OOPS! down she went. A woman who was driving in that area saw her fall, and offered assistance, but good ol' Mom insisted that she could get home okay.

Whereupon, she phoned my sis and asked for a ride to the closest emergency room. The long and the short of it is, they splinted her wrist and are having her return this morning to see an orthopedic surgeon, to see if any surgery is required.

The good news is that this break is on her left wrist (she is right-handed), so while it will be an inconvenience, it will not require that someone cook for her, etc.

Funeral services: I have decided to go to the funeral of the co-worker who was murdered last Friday. Several of the staff are going, Port-wide. In fact, so many will attend that an e-mail went out to the entire Port, reminding all that phone coverage must be maintained in each dept. I just feel so strongly about the family and that they need to see how Lucinda's co-workers valued her. This will be a Catholic service, so I am guessing a full mass will ensue. I think the last time I was at a Catholic mass was for my brother-in-law's funeral in March of '02, just before Easter that year. The church was jam-packed for his services, as was the funeral home the night before, during visitation and the rosary. I expect that this funeral will be similarly heavily-attended. My brother-in-law was in his early 50's; Lucinda was only age 34. Death touches us, our families, our acquaintances, when we least expect it - and age is NOT a factor, as we know. We all expect to live into old age and then possibly go by heart attack, stroke or whatever. But the Big Guy upstairs has His own plan...

After the services, finishing this on Friday. As expected, the church was pretty well-filled. I'm guessing that about 25% were from the Port. I just felt like I had to go. I drove two other co-workers. I had expected this to be more difficult for me, since the last funeral that I attended, was for Greg. Maybe the circumstances, and the fact that she was not a really close friend/co-worker, helped some. However, I did NOT parade past the open casket. I was NOT ready for that, having encountered death up-close-and-personal less than a year ago. So maybe there was an effect on me...

There were many police attending the service. I heard from a co-worker that either her dad or step-dad had been a Houston cop. Plus a handful of Metro (Transit) cops were there, too. Her three kids looked stunned, unemotional. I can't imagine what they are going through. I seem to be having trouble commenting on this whole scene, so perhaps I had best just let it go. Tough, tough, thing to even see from the sidelines.

Mom: sis brought her back to the doc, as instructed. The plan now is to try to do a closed reduction (no surgical opening) - basically, they will attempt to re-set the radius and ulna (probably with at least local anesthesia) without cutting her open. From what my sis described, in the process of falling and then getting herself back up again, my mother sort of round up the tiny bones in her wrist. This reduction is planned for this coming Tuesday.

Since I am finishing this up on Sunday morning, y'all will have to excuse me while I go and have a tiny portion of coffee (I'm really not supposed to have caffeine) plus the leftover half of a pecan-caramel roll waiting for me. I may post again later today.

Bits and Pieces

2009-03-31T07:54:00.005-05:00

Not a great deal to tell or explain or mention, so this will be just what the title says: bits and pieces.

Loss at work: My place of employment was in a somber mood yesterday morning. A co-worker -- although not in my dept. -- was murdered on Friday. She was only 34, a smiling young woman who did her job well, greeted everyone and had a winning personality. Her life was taken by her husband, who stabbed her and left her to bleed to death. According to the news, they had "marital difficulties". Most of her co-workers were unaware that she had any problems at home, as she displayed that upbeat look. I didn't know her very well, but knew who she was. I was in that department yesterday morning, and there were many tears, and many hugs being given and being welcomed. My employer is offering grief counseling (yes, professional counseling) for those who are requesting it. A very nice gesture, and one that I have not seen being offered before.

I am coming to the conclusion that I will definitely miss (most of) my co-workers, once I retire. They have been an extended family to me over the years, and definitely were there for me when Greg died. I was so shocked, so amazed at the number of them who drove out for the services last May. When I expressed this feeling to one of them, her explanation was, "Well, we're your family, too." And I am talking about co-workers from my own department and many from other depts. that I have met and worked with over the years. Of various ethnic backgrounds and colors. It made no difference that my speech has a different accent than theirs (although I have been here nearly 25 years, I still carry that "oot" and "aboot", I am told, when others pronounce it "out" and "about"). We are there for each other, we celebrate the joys, we cry over the sad times. Just like your own families do.

What brought me to the above frame of mind, was receiving the e-mail notification of Lucinda's services on Thursday. I think that her co-workers will rally FOR her, even though she is the one who is deceased. And I hope that maybe her 15-year-old daughter (oldest child) will remember that her mother's co-workers thought enough of her to go to the funeral and maybe tell that daughter or another family member how much she was liked, was loved. It would be nice for her children to have that legacy, not only the circumstances surrounding their mother's death and their father's arrest. Because they will need every strength available to them, to carry on without either parent in their lives.

Fajitas: We had a birthday party at work on Thursday. For several years now, we have limited a birthday party for an employee to only mark a decade: 40, 50, etc. In the years before this, we would do a party for every employee's birthday, collecting money for (at a minimum) a cake and a few decorations. It always fell to the women in the dept. to get the ball rolling, and the fair gender (does anyone use THAT phrase anymore?) did most if not ALL of the work: ordering, buying, set up and clean up. Ugh. That's when we shifted to the decade-only birthday policy.

So... I digress. But we (under new management - howdya like THAT phrase?) are trying to build up morale in this dept. It has been sadly lacking for many years, as any attempt we made at planning or having fun, has been repeatedly shut down. But our new manager, R, had made it plain that he will attempt to get morale going, plan fun things, etc. Unfortunately, too late for me, but I applaud his efforts and the direction that he is trying to take this dept. in.

Thus - the party. We have 3 decade birthdays this year, and in an effort to spread the work around, a co-worker, D, organized us into 3 groups. So each group will be responsible for 1 of these birthdays. My group was the first one, and (unfortunately) through a series of unplanned events, the work mostly fell to me. One of the co-workers in the group had originally been tasked with tracking down prices for the caterers. And she had to miss a lot of work recently, thus - tah-dah - yours truly had to run with the ball (any of you who has seen me try ANYTHING athletic will surely laugh at this!). But we got it done, even though our original group of 7 had now shrunk to 3: 2 were on vacation, 1 was ill, and another was working off-site. So our committee ended up being: me, G - who took on the task of designing and ordering/delivering the cake, and the new manager, R. Several of the other co-workers were a big help and assisted with setting up (and more importantly, clearing up!). We had a fajita lunch, excellent food, lots of it, and there was enough to use for lunch again the next day. Yum! The only thing missing was beer and margaritas.

The cake: The birthday "boy" is in the networking group, and thus the cake has a relevant design. The wording reads, "2009-03-26 12:00:01:ERROR=BBUCKLEY-50.00-HAPPY_BIRTHDAY". Guess you have to be a techie, a geek, a nerd to "get it".

Progress at the house: more stuff is GONE. Can I hear an AMEN? The late Mister had stashed leftover bricks (from the building of our house) in one portion of the garage. Quite a few bricks, of course, and they were piled in an area where lots of stuff had to be moved, to even get to them. So... good neighbors again: my next-door neighbor, B, has 3 grown kids. Her son AJ was interested in the bricks. He has a very muddy portion of his yard where grass just will not grow. So his short-term (free) solution is to put the bricks down and (hopefully) prevent their dogs from getting into the mud and tracking it all over the place. B's brother T (who got my tree removed from the front yard) helped AJ load the bricks up - and they are OUT of there!

I put the old chandelier (ugly one that the builder had installed in the dining room) out with the garbage on Saturday. And before the trash was picked up, someone helped themself to it. Great! I don't care - it's gone, and hopefully it will grace someone else's house for years.

New TV installed: again, neighbor B's family to the rescue. Her son-in-law, A, had once worked at a place that installed entertainment systems, surround-sounds, etc. And she asked if he could hook all of my audio, new tv, and surround-sound together. God bless him - he put in quite a bit of time on Saturday, then gave me a shopping list. I purchased some various cables plus speaker wire, he returned on Sunday, and labored some more. I offered to pay him but he refused $$. So I gave him a bottle of red wine (his wife's favorite) and he did take that. So, now my new 37" tv is operating!

Free dinner: neighbor B insisted that I take leftovers from their Sunday dinner, so I had chicken and dumplings, mixed veggies, and peach cobbler. Such a good neighbor, and what a nice treat!

That's all of the bits and pieces that I could round up, folks. Why does this week seem so long, and it is only Tuesday?!

The L-word

2009-03-27T11:04:00.003-05:00

I have been recently e-mailing with an internet friend - we connected through each other's blogs. And have also exchanged off-blog e-mails, since we have some circumstances in common.

Anyway, we had a discussion about being the first to say the L-word. (Just typing this in, makes me realize how we shy away from that word at all!) I think, in many relationships, some of which were long-term, some not, I only ONCE said "I love you" first - and that was over 40 years ago!

Now, I don't know about you, but my heart is usually in WAY over its head (okay, I know that is a bad phrase, but you know what I mean here), before I can muster up the words. Sometimes it is too late, by the time I have even considered blurting it out. And I am not very liberal in using the phrase, let me tell you. After you have said it, there is NO retrieving it. In for a penny, in for a pound. (Okay, I'm not sure what THAT means, either.)

So I thought I would throw this out there for the readers (yes, BOTH of you). What has been your own experience, in saying and/or hearing "I love you?" for the first time, with someone you are drawn to? And how did this phrase affect the relationship, after it was said out loud?

That's it. After these many lengthy posts, be grateful that I can actually post a short-y version!

One Flaw in Women

2009-03-25T11:27:00.003-05:00

This was sent to me by a co-worker, and it is SO true...

For all the women who read my blog... dedicated to you.

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding..
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

That last line really says it all.

Little bits of progress

2009-03-24T09:23:00.009-05:00

For the most part, this is just boring, ho-hum stuff. So go ahead and skip reading it, or maybe just look at the photos.

Tree removal: One of the two trees (must have two, as these are "required" by subdivision edict) in my front yard was split by ol' Ike in September of '08. The remaining fork of said tree looked a bit dangerous, but did seem to be somewhat thriving. I had contacted a firm to give me an estimate on removing this tree a few weeks ago, but nothing was reported back to me, either by phone or on paper. So I assumed that they had been a no-show. On Wednesday of this week, I was talking with my neighbor's brother, T, about the no-show situation. T said he knew of someone who might be able to do this, and asked what I was willing to pay. I said I would want to be under $1,000 for this task. And I promptly forgot about it. Until I came home from work on Thursday and found a handful of Hispanic men excavating around the roots of said tree! Truly, I did not know who they were employed by - the "no-show" group or who... I said a few words to them (and most did not have a good handle on English), and one of them handed me a piece of cardboard with a first name and a phone number on it. The first name was the same as the neighbor's brother. Well, I was both relieved and puzzled when it was the brother who picked up the phone. He said these guys would do the whole thing for $700, but they wanted cash. The reason that he went ahead and had them start was that this was the only day that they could get this done. And then they would pick up the limbs, trunk pieces, root stuff, etc. on Friday - when they were clearing up from other sites. I would pay him, and he would hold the money until they had completed everything, including the Friday removal of debris.

I had to leave shortly to meet my church dinner group for our monthly chow fest at the local Outback Steakhouse. The gentlemen were digging (and now chopping) at my oak when I left. T had told me that the chainsaw broke, and they were tired of waiting for their boss to fix it and bring it back - so manual chopping down it was. By the time I returned, it was dark, the tree was down and the hole had been refilled. The debris was piled in the front yard. I gave T the $700.

The next day was my every-other-Friday off. Leroy (painter) was scheduled to come back that morning, and I had to run to Lowe's to buy another paint color. The warmish beige color that I had him use in the master bath, upstairs bath, and upstairs bedroom, now looked quite PINK in the kitchen. There was ceramic tile in the master bath (white) and also in the kitchen (sort of taupe-ish). In the other rooms, the beige still looked beige. But the kitchen tile and the large windows in that room definitely accented the pink that was in the "background" of this warm beige. Off to Lowe's for a taupe-ish color!

While I was at Lowe's I received a phone call from a friend in Florida, and talked with him for a while. Then I got the paint and returned home. While I was in the kitchen (where Leroy was working), I heard a noise in the front yard that caused me to look out the window. Yessss! The crew from Thursday had removed the tree debris and were fixin' to depart. I checked with them, and yes, T had paid them. Another item off my to-do list (before I can put the house on the market).

China hutch: I had listed this piece of furniture on the Craigslist.com for Houston. Had 2 questions by e-mail, and then a real live person phoned on Tuesday. Actually, she left a message on my home phone. I then left her a message, and then she called again. She was quite interested and asked several questions, and wondered if Sunday would be a good day to look at it. I agreed to that day. Wednesday morning I got a call back from her, while I was at work. Could they (she and her husband) see it tonight? I explained that I wouldn't get home until 6:30, and she asked if it would be possible to make that earlier? Well, if they had let me know about this on Tuesday, yes, but I took the van pool that morning and was stuck with that. Okay. So, after the van dropped me off, I drove home. Got a phone call while I was sitting at a light. They were at my house - but the van had started a bit late, and then there was heavy traffic at Reliant Park, as the HLSR (Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo) was going on. I explained that. About 10 minutes later, I turned into my driveway and there they were in an Expedition and had a trailer attached.

I let them into my house and the husband was concerned that no one could help him with this heavy piece of furniture (I had explained to her that there was NO one to "tap" for assistance). However - he IS a structural engineer and you could see the wheels turning for his "grand plan" of moving this. And by God, he did it! It is a two-part hutch, and he got the top off (with no damage) and out to the dolly, wheeled it to the trailer, etc, then repeated the process with the bottom section. I asked for $300 cash, they paid and off they drove! And another piece of furniture gone, and another item off the to-do list!

The best news is that it really makes the dining room look so much bigger, and it really lets that new paint job (my excellent color picks, if I do say so myself) show so nicely - two shades of taupe, with the lighter above the chair rail, and the slightly darker below that. I have a painting to hang in there now - will solicit some advice from friends/neighbors as to the best wall to put it on.

Replacement tree: I came across Connie and Don (neighbors a couple of houses down from me) when I was coming back from my walk on Sunday. She took the Texas Master Gardener course a while back and when she saw my split tree, had volunteered to help me find a suitable replacement. That was just after Ike. Well, we have tentatively set up Friday, April 3rd to run the tree-replacement search. She has a greenhouse in our area that she likes PLUS! she has a pickup truck to haul the tree (and I heard her mention that she wants to get whatever, at this same greenhouse. Maybe I can talk her into hauling some mulch for me? My shrub areas desperately need some, and my lawn guy ONLY mows and edges. He had said he'd do the weed 'n' feed for me - but so far: no dice. I will be happy to be done with him and with all the crap that lawn care in Houston requires.

Food glorious food! I actually went out to eat, three nights in a row, last week. Thursday with my church group, at Outback Steakhouse; Friday to Escalante's (Houston-based Mexican restaurant with higher prices) with two neighbor women and some of their friends; and Saturday to Johnny Carino's with my friend A, one of the women I met at the Houston Widows/Widowers group (a group that we have dropped from our schedules, as they never plan anything fun and only the same ol' members seem to attend).

Clothing sizes: I had to shop for clothes this weekend. None of my stuff fits, as I am just about wearing the sizes I wore when I graduated high school. Not braggin', folks, I am just saying. My friend in Florida would have a cow if he knew - he thinks I need to gain some weight - and so I will just not tell him. Anyhoo, I have decided to go through my casual clothes and set aside the bigger sizes. I will probably get back to wearing them sometime in the future. I'll pack 'em away for the next few months. I am not putting any money into the smaller clothes for work (I mostly wear suits). Since the jackets are long enough to cover my self-alterations, I use at least one LARGE safety pin to keep my skirts at the correct position on my waist/hips. The last time that I had this weight-loss "problem" was following one or both of my heart surgeries. I think my body, back then, was using all the calories for healing. I could eat like a little pig and not gain a pound. 'Course, that was only temporary.

Speaking of clothing: I wore a t-shirt to the Outback gathering on Thursday. There are 3 couples and 2 singles (B and myself) in this group. (B's husband, the jerk, left her at Thanksgiving, a few years ago - and eventually they divorced - what a prick. And I am now solo, too.) I was sitting at the table with my right elbow sorta propped up on the table itself. Two of the couples, the L's and the D's, finally couldn't stand it. They had to ask me, "What does your shirt say?" (Some folks think it is an Aggies t-shirt, misspelled. You probably need to have spent some time in TX to know what an Aggie is?) So I explained that it came from my nephews wife, who is an assistant professor at the college named Augsburg (in the Mpls-St.Paul area), with the name of "Auggies" on the shirt. "Oh," one of them remarked, "We thought it said Juggies!" Now, folks, I could use a little male attention - but NOT by using a shirt with that kind of "advertising" on it! For illustration, I just had to wear this another night and have a friend take this photo. And that margarita - delicious and SO worth the $8 for the silver Herradura top-shelf version. Mmmmmm.....

Confessions - Part Four: the CONCLUSION

2009-03-19T08:53:00.010-05:00

Aha - I hope you are as happy to see that this is the Conclusion, as I am! As previously cautioned, if you are STARTING with this post, you might well be advised to try Part One, then Part Two, then Part Three (yawn...) before commencing with this one. But it's your choice. Some of the posts ramble on a bit.

Okay, back to where I left off. We were muddling along in an existence that most marriages grow into - expected behavior, roles one or the other will assume (cook, gardener), etc. Nothing more, nothing less. I really, really tried to boost his ego, boost his self confidence. But nothing seemed to work. And at various times over the years, he would resume drinking on the sly.

The last time he did this was shortly after the holidays, in late 2007 or early 2008. He was heading to bed one night and we had had a heated discussion about something. And with his slurred reply to me, it was obvious that he was intoxicated. And I said so to him: "You're drunk!" and he didn't even try to deny it. I couldn't see how that was accomplished (idiot that I was), since we had had one glass of wine apiece that night. However, his alcohol intake was (once again) supplemented with vodka. He would use the empty water bottles that so many of us tote around, and would refill them with vodka - I never did find out if it was straight vodka or if it was cut with something such as water. He established this behavior because he really WOULD go through a lot of water during lawn-care season. Houston's summers are brutal, even when you go outside to start mowing as early as possible. So he would go through several bottles of water while mowing and edging, and to (supposedly) save some money, he would refill the bottles from the 'fridge.

This last time, he dashed upstairs and willingly showed me his stash. Mostly in one of the upstairs bedrooms, behind the daybed in that room. It was a heavy bed and one that he didn't have much worry that I would suddenly want to move. Perfect place. He brought the bottles downstairs and poured them out, then once again begged me not to leave him. Truly, I know that at this time (and at the other times) he did intend to not drink - or to at least not drink on the sly. So once again, he swore off drinking.

About a week before he died, he had had some trouble with his digestive tract and with constipation. So he called his gastro doc's office and was given the suggestion of some over-the-counter stuff he could take, which should give him some relief. He bought it, and took it as the label dictated, once a day. After a few days, he called the doc's office again, and one of the staff (not sure if this was a nurse or not) told him he could take it 3 times a day. Well - it worked. WAY TOO WELL. Now he was having the opposite problem and couldn't keep a thing in his digestive tract. I was trying to get him to eat gentle things, but to KEEP EATING. I had yogurt in the house, beef broth, soda crackers. The night before he died, I heated up some broth and he drank some of that, ate a few crackers, finished a small yogurt, and said, "I'm going back to bed." He had decided to sleep upstairs (the master br's on the first floor) so he wouldn't wake me during the night when he had to make a mad dash for the restroom.

I got up and got ready for work on the morning of May 15th. I didn't go upstairs and wake him up to say goodbye, not knowing how well he had slept during the night. My car pool driver showed up about 6:10 and I was off to work.

Several times that morning, I tried to arouse him by telephone. Finally, around 9 or 10 am, he called me. He asked if I had tried to call him a couple of times and I said I had. Then he explained that he had slept extremely poorly that night and was just now heading off to sleep. He said that HE would call ME back, and I abided by that. By the time my workday ended and my car pool driver was headed home, I was troubled by the fact that he had not called.

S, the driver, dropped me off in my driveway, and I let myself in the front door. I had placed a can of soup and some soda crackers on the kitchen counter, and I could see that they hadn't been touched. Furthermore, the nightlight was still on in the kitchen (it was dark when I left for work just after 6 am). Now I was beginning to worry.

I headed for the stairs, got to the midpoint where the landing was, rounded that corner... and there he was. From the position of his body, it was obvious that he was headed UPstairs. And also (as though I have any knowledge of these things) it appeared that he did not try to break his fall. His head was at an awkward angle and up against the rails that form the outside of the staircasing. I touched his bare foot and it was cold to the touch. I remember saying softly, "Oh, Greg." I did try to move his head, which I could not do at all.

Boy - retelling this stuff is much harder than all my previous Confessions. Bear with me...

I knew, I really, really knew. But I called 911 anyway and explained my situation. They asked me if anyone else was in the house with me and I said no. "How about a neighbor?", someone asked. I had heard my neighbor across the street mowing or edging, and carried the phone (portable) outside with me and crossed over to talk with him. He immediately returned with me to the house and also observed Greg's body and said, "It doesn't look good." We waited for emergency medical personnel and also the local cops came. After answering what seemed like endless questions, they wanted me to leave the house. But before that, someone stated the obvious - that he was, in fact, dead. Neighbor S (who had been doing the lawn care) and his wife A very kindly took me in, and also accepted my friends who showed up after I had phoned them. We had NO family in this town, in this state, at all. Thank God for friends and neighbors that you can phone and lean on, eh? I think I was in dumb, barely functioning shock at this point. Could not keep any saliva in my mouth at all. S and A were so gracious, bringing me warm tea and rounding up some sandwich stuff and fruit for my friends and myself. Sandwiches were hopeless for me - the bread just gummed up in my dry mouth.

I had my cell phone with me, but it was nearly dead. I called my sister, my poor, poor sister who had lost her own husband about 6 years before that. She screamed into the phone: "NO! NO! It's not fair." And I guess it never is. I never asked her just what she meant by that statement. Maybe that it wasn't fair that I was the third female (after my sis and my mom) to be widowed in our family? Maybe that he was young and it was unexpected? But she was a lifeline to me at that time. She had been there, had walked in these shoes. And all of this at age 52, with a daughter still at home who was a senior in high school.

My sis started the ball rolling for me. She phoned my Hill Country friends, D and T, who immediately cancelled a flight they had been very close to driving to catch, and they came in later that night to help with anything, everything. Sis needed to know when the services were (so she and her kids could plan their flights), so I just had to pin down my pastor and get something scheduled as quickly as possible. By Saturday, the services were scheduled (and I was woefully unprepared to choose music - I should have been more innovative, I guess, since he had been a musician, but I just went with the tried and true), and Saturday evening saw my sis and her kids arriving. D and T moved back to the hotel that night, and I had a housefull of family. Blood, as the saying goes, is thicker than water. Well, not sure what that means, exactly, but blood (family) is certainly there when you need and want them. Thank God.

For those wondering: I do not, to this day, know the cause of Greg's death. He had Hep C, certainly, but was nowhere CLOSE to dying from it. The wonderful county judge who was the acting coroner (we do not have our own morgue in this county - autopsies are performed, by contract, in Galveston Country) decided that Hep C (which he would not have known about, if I hadn't shared that info with the EMTs on the scene) would suffice as cause of death. Yes, I know that more detail about COD would not give Greg back to me. But I wanted to know. My feeling is that he died from some kind of massive medical event - aneurism, heart attack - or else from extremely low electrolytes which made him dizzy enough to pass out. He had eaten very little for several days preceding this. But. As I said, it wouldn't bring him back. It was probably one of the hardest things for me to accept. I wanted answers and there were none. I do know that his gastro doc does not believe that the COD was Hep C. He phoned me on Sunday following Greg's death. "Mrs. Snyder?" he said. "When they phoned me, I thought they had the wrong name." So.

As with other women who fell into this situation unexpectedly (and even with those whose spouses were known to be dying), I was in a fog for weeks, maybe months. I was hospitalized a week after his death, overnight. Turns out that not eating has a bad impact on your system, particularly if your magnesium levels sink. Raised hell with my heart rate. My #2 nephew had stayed for a few days after the rest of the family had to return, and he blessedly drove me to the hospital. Thank God for T - a truly wonderful nephew. He also spoke at the service and I remember a few things that he said, especially that Greg "made my Aunt Jessi laugh". That brought a laugh from those at the service - and from me, too. He and I had some heart-to-heart talks. It is so nice to really get to know the family as adults. My sis, A, and her late hubby, did a great job raising 3 kids who are wonderful people. I like them all, and I know that not all can say that about their kids or nephews/nieces.

I apologize for the length of these postings. For a long time, I have wanted to share this stuff without sounding like "poor me". I will probably add to this last one a bit, or maybe even do an addendum (damn, there is that old business language that I am SO ready to leave behind). Thanks for bearing with me.

Confessions - Part Three

2009-03-18T10:19:00.010-05:00

As I advised in yesterday's posting, if you have not read Part One or Part Two, you might do well to read those before tackling this one. Thanks.

Resuming the story:

So Greg was not only recovering from the mental slide so unexpectedly resulting from his last drug trial, but now he was unemployed.

I began searching for something - some line of work - that we could develop and use for supplemental income in our retirement. Okay - he was a musician, but all I can do is sing. And I think I sing well (I was a soloist in my high school chorus), but to perform? I think not. However, we both had artistic tendencies, and my mind started focusing on that. Faux painting? Well, why not? So we took one of those little classes at Home Depot from a woman who was NOT an employee, but rather had been hired by HD to show customers some of the basics.

When we finished that little course, we walked to our car and I said, "Well, do you think you and I could do this?" He looked at me. "For a living?" I asked. "You know, extra income after we retire?" and he pondered that, and then nodded.

Back to my trusty friend, the internet, as I searched for classes that would give us a good footing to do this professionally. I found several, of course, in our general vicinity and then tried to weigh the pros and cons of those. Some were quite specific, and only trained for products of a given manufacturer. I thought that was a bit restrictive, and opted for a school based in Waveland, MS. And we could drive there, in about 7 hours or less. So we ponied up $1,000 apiece and enrolled.

The woman who did most of the instruction, S, was a veteran in this busines. She had been based out of California, but decided to move her school when the state of CA made it mandatory for faux painters to apprentice for a couple of years before they could strike out on their own. She knew her student enrollment would decline and possibly die. So she and her husband searched for a place to move to - and chose Waveland, an area whose residents were locals, and artists of various specialties - ceramics, painting, photography and many other areas.

Note: Waveland was virtually wiped out by Hurricane Katrina. For a while, I followed up on the rebuilding that was taking place there. Our instructors had, by coincidence, relocated their school to Missouri the year before that hurricane. S and I exchanged e-mails about Waveland. I haven't had the heart to go back there - it was such a pretty, idyllic-appearing area when we had been there. I didn't want to see the aftermath of Nature's destruction.

The Faux Finishing class: It was an intensive, hands-on course. S really knows her stuff and does her damnedest to impart the technique to others. She had limited the class to about 8 or so students. We ate lunch together each day (5 days) and sometimes dinner. On the last day, mentally overloaded by the knowledge, we took our samples with us and headed home. S was only a phone call away, still giving us support and answering (dumb) questions. Through them, we put up a small little web page. And in less than 60 days, we had our first clients! They had found us through that web page, we went to their house, gave a bid, and got the job! Wow, we thought, this was gonna be easy income.

What we painted for this couple was the entire ceiling of their very spacious family room. We had to rent a scaffolding, in fact, to do this job. We brought the pieces of the scaffold out to their house the evening before we needed it, and when we got back there the next morning, the husband (a retired engineer) had already assembled it for us! Those engineers... in fact, the rented scaffolding was missing some key parts (not unusual for rented equipment) and this fellow jerry-rigged those parts. So the scaffolding was much safer than it would have been, if we had assembled it ourselves.

This ceiling project gave me a new appreciation for Michaelangelo painting the Sistine Chapel. A few hours into each work-day, I had a headache that would not quit. I believe it came from having my head tilted back far enough so that it pinched a nerve. But we persevered, and finished the project in 2-and-a-half days. The clients were very pleased and we were happy - with the check and the fact that we finished it to their satisfaction. Upon completion, the husband broke open a bottle of wine and three of us each had a glass of wine. His wife did not drink, for she had enough challenges with the state of her health. She was already confined to one of those motorized chairs, which she could operate with one hand control. The results of her multiple sclerosis were quite evident. We enjoyed these folks, and they seemed to like us, too.

Ironically, we had "winged" this project. We had never painted a ceiling and had no experience in producing the effects that the wife wanted to see: a rather free-form painting in colors to match their draperies (pinks and sea-green). I sketched out my concept to her and she was in agreement, so off we went on this abstract effect. Wow.

Greg took over the business aspects of the faux painting, and he was very capable and organized about it all. Thank God. Because I am NOT Miss Organization. (But I am sure that I am Miss Mis-organization!) Another failing of mine. He kept the records, handled the incoming calls, etc. I only wish that we had had MORE calls, to keep him busier. Maybe then he wouldn't have fallen off the wagon numerous times over the years. Or maybe he would have.

For a period of time, he seemed to be able to drink casually, limiting himself to a glass or two of wine. And other times, I cast a jaundiced eye (what exactly does THAT mean, anyhow?) towards his consumption behaviour. I never called him out in front of others about that, but I would remark about it when it was just the two of us. Or sometimes I would caution him before we got into a social situation. Although I had gone to a few Al-Anon meetings (and did NOT like them), there were some ideas shared that I picked up on. One was that no matter how much you worry, the behavior will be what it will be. Worrying cannot, does not change anything. I know this to be true - but trusting, or just plain NOT worrying, does not come easy - especially after seeing that pattern of behavior.

We stumbled forward in our marriage. There were good times, there were bad. Greg did have several health problems, and the two most serious ones (besides the Hep C) were oral cancer and his arthritic knee. The oral cancer was discovered by our dentist - "just a little spot, probably nothing to be worried about - see your family doctor". He was still smoking at that time (and I hated that habit and I really hated the smell). When he had surgery, we did not know if he would ever be able to speak again - and he was in sales... His surgery had the best possible outcome - removed a good-sized circle from the floor of his mouth, under the tongue. I told him if he resumed smoking, he would be doing that with his NEXT wife. This took place about the time he turned 40, shortly before his mother died from cancer out in Phoenix. Because his parents were already dealing with their coming tragedy, we only shared Greg's cancer info with my family. His parents had enough stress to bear.

The knee had been injured in a plane accident in about the early 70's. He was working at a small airport and was pulling in a plane towards the hangar. He had a leg planted forward and was tugging on the aircraft - which suddenly lurched forward and ran right over his foot. It twisted his right knee pretty badly and he ended up hospitalized, where the standard surgery of that time was performed: they scraped nearly all of the cartilige out! Over the years, arthritis set in and he eventually was in a lot of pain with that knee. Before he was 50, he had that knee replaced. This came while he was still employed with a computer reseller. Besides the knee, he had flat feet (they had always been flat, from childhood on). So his "pins" were not as reliable as they should have been.

My own health was amazingly stable, considering that I had had two open heart surgeries, one at age 38 and the second at age 43. The second one was when I had my mitral valve replaced - 17 years ago and still going strong. Amazing, after all the stress over the years, ain't it? I remember the second surgery and its aftermath pretty well. It was an Olympic year, and of course (stuck at home for weeks) tv was showing the recovery of injured participants who were bound and determined to compete. So I thought (unwisely) that if they could recover from injuries more severe than what I had undergone, I could do the same. I laid down on the floor with my arms spread open wide, a small dumbbell in each hand. I tried to lift my arms. Wrong! wrong.wrong.wrong. End of initial recovery efforts. I was only at home four weeks after that surgery. I saw my cardiologist and asked for permission to return to work. Why, he wondered, was I in such a hurry to go back? And I truthfully told him, "I'm running out of vacation and sick time!" He reminded me that I should not be driving for at least 2 more weeks, and I nodded that I had heard that. And of course I ignored that directive. How else was I gonna get to work and back?

Anyway, for years, we knew the layout of St. Luke's Episcopal Hospital very well. Living in a major metropolitan area does have its pluses, and Houston's Medical Center is one of those. With so many surgeries between the two of us, we could easily fall into the routine of following the blue or yellow lines to the requisite elevators leading to those wings.

Through all these years, we never ceased telling each other, "I love you", when ending our phone conversations. I suppose, as in most marriages, it becomes a routine thing to say and do. But we persisted, anyway, even (most probably) when one or the other of us was not FEELING loving. I had a phone conversation with him the morning that he died. And then was haunted by whether we had told each other the "routine" thing. Never could remember if that happened or not.

Well, this was much lengthier than I had anticipated. So with any luck, I will wrap this up tomorrow. Thanks for hangin' in there.

Confessions - Part Two

2009-03-17T12:32:00.003-05:00

Well, here is Part Two of My Life and Welcome To It.

If you have not read Part One, I would suggest that you might want to read that one before reading this. Just sayin', is all...

(Trying to concentrate here - I am on my lunch break and the guy in the next cube is chattering away... I try to act disinterested and he keeps talking.to.me. Arrggghhhhhhh....)

I guess that the passing-out-and-then-detoxing incident was my first exposure to the fact that Greg was an alcholic. However, he never let it interfere with his job or his usual day-to-day performance. After detoxing, he went immediately to (I drove him and sat in on this) his first AA meeting. As expected, it was difficult for him to stand and say the expected words, "I'm Greg and I'm an alcholic." He was shaking, actually physically shaking, because of what his body had just been through. After that meeting, one of his most difficult things was trying to find an AA meeting with those in similar circumstances. You know, white collar guys and gals. The initial meeting had some folks in there who did NOT toe "the party line". AA-ers are supposed to respect whatever and however you got to these meetings. But I remember him talking about a guy who did not react positively to anyone who came through other programs. The guy was a real hard-ass, plain and simple - no other way to put it.

After he de-toxed, I cleared all the liquor out of the house. Took the liquers over to the house of a couple that we knew (and who worked with Greg), and don't remember what I did with the rest of the hard stuff. I guess if it was open and didn't have much left in the bottle, I poured it down the drain.

With the direction of this same couple, I had a few sessions with a psychologist who they knew. I was feeling very angry and HAD to talk with someone. I liked a glass of wine to relax with, and I felt that Greg had removed this option from me. When I expressed this to her, she said, "I give you permission to have a glass of wine." Now, isn't that silly? and yet, for some damned reason, I guess I felt that someone HAD to give me permission. I could only go to her for a few sessions (insurance limitations), but the sessions were amazingly helpful.

I think it was shortly after this that Greg had his gallbladder removed. During a routine physical, gallstones showed up on an xray or during an MRI or something. His doctor quizzed him as to whether there were any patterns of gallbladder trouble in his family, and Greg related the facts of his mother dying of cancer that had apparently started in her gallbladder. That was enough for the doc! He scheduled Greg for laparoscopic surgery, and I sat patiently in the waiting area. It seemed to take much longer than they had told me (I guess that is always the way). When the doctor came out, he ushered me into one of those closed-door rooms where they don't give you good news. He explained that significant cirrhosis was detected on Greg's liver and so they did further checking. That revealed hepatitis C. I explained that he had recently stopped drinking - the doc agreed that given this diagnosis, this was a good thing - and I did not know the source of the hep C.

Another wall to climb.

(OMG - he's back standing in my cube and talking directly to me. And I did not ask or invite him over here. Oh thank God - he put on his sportcoat and had to leave - YAY!)

So now we added another doc to his specialists - a very good and supportive gastroenterologist, Dr. G. He worked very hard with Greg, getting him into at least two study programs of drugs that did work on some of the hep C patients. But not on Greg. He would get his "numbers" down for a period of time, then they would shoot back up when the program ended. One of the drug regimens damn near did him in. After a period of time, I noticed that he seemed to be exhibiting behavior that was akin to early Alzheimer's. Scary. Very scary. I finally had to insist that he quit driving, since he just could not seem to remember where to turn or where he was going. During this time, we went to Vancouver, BC, Canada, for his oldest nephew's wedding. And most of the family noticed that Greg did not seem to be "all there". Just a vacant stare. And he was very, very chilled most of the time, and had lost a LOT of weight. When we returned to TX, we got a phone call from the gastro guy's office, wondering if Greg had stopped the drug, as instructed. It turned out that someone from the gastro office had neglected to phone us re: those instructions. We talked with the gastro guy (guess who had to drive him to this appointment?), and I could see that he positioned himself so that he could watch Greg in the mirror. He explained that this side effect was sometimes seen, while on this combo-drug treatment. And yes, Greg stopped that combo and gradually got better. But I did feel like he lost a bit of "edge" - hard to explain, but I guess when you spend so much time with someone, you know when they are not as sharp as before.

The above - in and out of drug trials and so on - happened over a period of several years. His employment changed over that time, too. As companies changed their buying habits to dealing directly with manufacturers for pc's and peripherals, jobs like Greg's where he sold products through his company, fell by the wayside. There was a temporary reprieve when his sales division was bought by an East Coast company. That lasted for a year or two, then buh-bye.

We talked about his options - not so great, when you have been in sales for years. He decided on a whole different tack - Home Depot (HD). He thought they would welcome his sales experience, and clients had always commented on how supportive he was of them. HD tested you to see where you would be a better fit. So naturally they put him in Flooring. FLOORING? Where he had NO. experience. at. all. They sent him to school, and soon he was doing those weekend classes where they show you how to install ceramic tile. I can see the light coming on in your collective brains: I always KNEW that those guys didn't know what they were talking about. Uh-huh. But he did a good job in those classes and made it a point to give the correct info and not throw out any BS if he didn't know the answers.

He was working at HD during the time of the "Alzheimer's" incident. And that got him fired. He did something totally inappropriate at work - something he would never have done if he had been in his right mind - and it got him fired. I will not go into his actions, for he can't defend himself. But we did not yet know why he was acting this way. If we had, we (or at least I) could have argued the case for him and probably have gotten his job back for him. Instead, he filed for unemployment.

By this time, I felt like my little row boat was drifting further and further from the shore. And me without any oars.

Confessions - Part One

2009-03-16T12:40:00.000-05:00

Maybe this is why I am able to “let go” a bit earlier than some other widows. You can tell me…

Like many marriages, ours was not perfect. This was my second marriage and I was 37, and Greg was 34 and had never been married. He had been a musician before I met him – played with a country-western band for about 10 years and really, really loved drumming. He went into the business world after that, starting by selling computers with a retail organization and then moving into corporate sales after that. We had some lucrative years, where we kinda-sorta had money to burn. We had tackled that “should we have kids or not?” question right away – since I was already 37 - and had a mutual agreement that we could enjoy the nephews (four between us) and one niece and spoil ‘em a bit. Did you ever have an aunt or uncle that was single or didn’t have kids? We both had experienced that and we wanted to be that kind of uncle/aunt.

We met at the holidays of ’83, and we were both definite partiers. We ran with a group who seemed to find any excuse to party (read: drink), and that December we held a traditional gathering to celebrate the birthdays of a coupla guys in the group. We had this in Roseville (a St. Paul suburb) at a Mexican-themed chain restaurant, El Torito's, noted for their champagne brunches. Lots of free-flowing (poorer quality) champagne. There were a couple of faces that I did not know in the group (overlapping crowds – younger brothers and so on, of guys that were in my age bracket), and Greg’s was one of them. He was funny (always an important criteria for me – gotta have a GOOD sense of humor!). And when he started pouring champagne with a towel draped over his arm, I found that very funny (maybe the consumption of champagne helped, there). And even more so, when he returned wearing an apron of one of the waitresses AND her name tag, Nikki. I started chanting that Toni Basil song, “Hey Mickey”, substituting Nikki for Mickey. It turned out that this was Nikki’s last day, and Greg bought the name tag and apron from her. I think he gave me his phone number (probably on a business card) and I never followed up on it. I should mention that my on-and-off-again boyfriend, J, was there, too. But we were not “on” at that time.

Next time I saw Greg was in the spring, at the wedding of a couple that I knew through J. The guys (J and the groom, among them) played on a softball team called the Brew-Ha’s (what does that say about them?). I was not with J, but he decided that a seat beside me was where he wanted to sit. And I got up and moved – a couple of times, as I recall. I think Greg had a date. No big deal. Just noted that we had met each other a few months back.

And the culmination of all of this was my girlfriend’s wedding that summer. J (yes, another J!) and I had been friends since elementary school. This was her second wedding, and she wanted that “wedding of a lifetime” thing. Her worst decision was the choice of groom (as though MY choices for a love life have been that stellar). But it was a fun time, and the bridesmaids wore dresses that would have been right at home, if we had been extras in “Gone with the Wind”. Greg was there, and we started talking. Did some dancing, too. And eventually decided to leave together, although we did try to do so without LOOKING like either of us was leaving with the other. A then-friend of mine ruined that by shouting at me (I was THAT close to a clean get-away), “Jessi, who are you leaving with?!”

We went back to his place – me wearing that bridesmaid dress! – and then I realized that I probably shouldn’t have made that choice. So, yes, I “shut him down” and he was quite the gentleman, even giving me a t-shirt to sleep in. The next morning was even more awkward, as he drove me back to the street where my girlfriend lives and where I had left my car parked. Her parents (who knew me well) had overnighted there, so I slunk back into my car - wearing that dress! - and drove home (only a few short miles from there).

Anyway, one thing led to another, we continued dating, blah, blah, blah. Engaged just before we moved to Houston, and we drove into this city on New Year’s Eve day of 1984. We married in October of 1985.

We had come to Houston via a job transfer for Greg. Unfortunately, we moved here when oil prices were tumbling and businesses and public entities were curbing their spending. So the insurance he was supposed to sell, went nowhere. His target group was school districts. He was laid off, and went back to selling computers for a retail chain. And that led to working for a reseller (back before we all could buy our pc’s online and so on), and the money started to get much better. We had several lucrative years, until the online market drew away his bigger corporate clients.

We socialized with the co-workers from his employer, and from management on down, they were relatively young and hearty partiers. We were right at home with this crowd. I didn't know how easily Greg fit into ALL of this, at that time.

We had airline tickets and plans to go to the wedding of my oldest nephew that summer. I remember the date, for their marriage was scheduled for July 22nd, which is also my sister's birthday. It was just a bit before that date, in 1995, and I found Greg in what I thought was a comatose state, maybe even dead. I could not rouse him, could not even tell if he was breathing. I called 911 and they were able to get him "awake" and then informed me that he was passed out. I was shocked - why and what had made him do this? We ended up putting him in a couple-days detox program, and that made me have to cancel the plans for the MN wedding. I made some sorry excuse about him being hospitalized for stress or whatever. And I was seething, burning that his actions had deprived me of the chance of seeing my nephew, my godson, getting married.

And for me, the cat was out of the bag... I was married to an alcoholic, and never, EVER had had a clue that he just couldn't have a drink or several, then stop. For me, it had never been that big a deal. Did I enjoy a drink or more? Yeah, sure - but when it was appropriate, and not as in, "I had a bad day, I need a drink." Or, "I had a GREAT day, I'll have a drink to celebrate." Which should have been red flags to me, but somehow I was blind to all of that. Worse yet, I covered for him, as he wished, so that his family and mine did not know. And that left a helluva burden on my shoulders, as I would eventually come to find out.

Well, faithful reader(s), I will close this and try to find time to continue it at a later time. I feel better already, sharing this. Isn't that weird?

Widows Wear Stilettos

2009-03-11T09:38:00.000-05:00

This posting is for any widows who may read my blog.

When Greg first died, I could not find any support. Oh, yeah - I had the obligatory "I'm sorry for your loss" comments and all, but I could not find any local support groups - not even through my church. I felt pretty at sea with all of this.

So, because I am an internet junkie (well, kinda sorta - but I was already writing this blog when he died), I went looking online. And I stumbled on a couple of areas. One was a local group, recently founded, that actually encouraged social gatherings. They did NOT promote themselves as a support group or counseling group. Just a place for those in like circumstances to vent, etc. Well, after several meetings with some of these people, it was evident to me that some were NOT making progress: some had lost their spouses over 2 years before and made the same woe-filled comments at each gathering. I know, I know... we all progress at our own pace. I just felt that some of those folks could probably benefit from professional counseling. And some may have suffered from depression, which I was fortunate to have NOT gone through. Stunned disbelief, I had, but not depression.

However, I did make a few closer friends out of this group, so that was good. A small group (in my suburban area) of us "broke away" and now meet every now and then for lunch and dinner. I am in phone contact with one of those women very frequently, and I enjoy her friendship. I guess you could call us "merry widows" because we have discovered that laughter is so beneficial.

I found another site that enourages and supports widows, and for a while I posted on that one - Widows Quest. Incredibly supportive women on that one.

Very recently, and a bit too late for the needs I had last year, I found this one, Widows Wear Stilettos. It looks a bit jazzy, maybe with a commercial look, and now has a book written by the woman who started this site. But it seems, on the surface at least, to be also incredibly supportive and has a monthly newsletter, some "tips", etc. The book apparently addresses dating. To sample the website, you might want to try the first monthly newsletter that I could find in the archives, dated September 2006. It even encourages you to - when you are ready - find love again. A comment by the author's rabbi: "Love doesn't die. The person does."

Okay - those of you who still have your spouses, I'll resume some "regular" stuff in my next post. But I still want to help the women who are in the same boat as I am. Collectively, we need all the help we can get!

Great garage sale!

2009-03-07T22:29:00.001-06:00

Wow! Nancy had a wonderful two-day garage sale! Made over $1100, and got rid of gobs and gobs of stuff, to boot. My good friend D came in from Wimberley (Texas hill country region) to steer me right and kick my butt when my energy or drive was failing me. The upshot of all of this: I have kitchen cabinets that are now half-empty, and it will be much easier to pack up when the house sells. And my self-confidences is standing on its own hind legs and crowing, folks, CROWING.

Most of the money came from not-large-ticket items, and the profits were fairly well-split between Friday and Saturday. Holy cow - Friday was amazingly busy. We had (mentally) geared up for an 8 am start. Then I noticed a car sitting in front of the house, so I went outside. The driver asked when we were starting, I told him the time, and he said he would just sit outside until we were open. Well, I recognized the guy: he frequents the garage sales in this area, buys the better stuff, and then re-sells it for a profit. I don't care - more power to him. So this time we introduced ourselves, and I opened the garage and let him poke around while we were getting set up. I knew that he had been at a garage sale of mine a few years back. Anyway, after some chit-chat, T said he was a painter (interior/exterior) and I said that I did faux painting. He took my business card and also gave me some of his. He said he frequently gets asked if he does faux stuff or if he knows of anyone who does. Voila! Of course, it is probably a little late in the game (for my Houston contacts, anyway), but hey, it is nice to have someone think you have something to contribute.

Well, once the garage door was open on Friday, all hell broke loose. People swarmed us, plain and simple. It was after 8:30 before I was able to break free and put up the signs at the highway and entrance to my street! Fortunately, I had placed an ad in our regional weekly newspaper. So that brought in some folks, obviously. And I guess the signs did the rest. D sent me back inside partway thru the Friday sale, telling me that I HAD to find more things, since we were running out of items to show. So I did as directed. So amazing at the kinds of things that sold.

We celebrated with dinner at a local sushi restaurant. Well, we started the "celebration" with a glass of beer (each) at the house. Then we had two carafes of hot sake at Kenshin Sushi (great food there!), along with the food. And followed that with a glass of wine each back at the house.

Saturday seemed much slower, so I was surprised when the sales for that day were very similar to Friday's. OMG - so happy to see so much stuff out of the garage, out of the house. One nice Hispanic man was quite interested in any tools that I might be selling. He also chimed in and offered to find a second quote on getting my front tree (the one that split during Ike) chopped down. He said something about the fact that I needed a guy to kind of run intereference for me on this matter. (He is married, by the way and had his wife with him.) He also said to let him know when the house sells and I am ready to part with the rest of the tools.

More progress: the alarm company guy disconnected the alarm to the back (kitchen) door on Thursday, in preparation for the door replacement on Friday. And then the long-awaited replacement door was installed on Friday - it is SO much better than the old one, both in quality and in installation.

On Tuesday, a guy is coming out to give me an estimate on the tree removal. On Thursday (hopefully), the back door will be reconnected to the alarm system, and on Saturday someone from the church-affiliated donation center will pick up my couch and bring it to the center for re-sale. Busy girl, I am, she said. Now if I can only be so fortunate as to have a quick sale on the house. But....

Anyway, just coming down from my successful-sale "high". We ate at BJ's Restaurant, which is a place that brews its own beer (D and I like the Nutty Brewnette). They have a fantastic appetizer combo plate that was tasty and a little innovative. So nice to NOT be eating alone, to have someone to talk with.

Oh - and we played a few practice hands of Texas Hold'em, too. We got a little stumped on the poker "hierarchy", but other than that, did okay. We played with some of the "profits" as our bank. Of course, I would have to play it frequently to remember the rules about the flop and the burn and all of that. But I can see where it would get people out and trying to win.

It will be SO nice to NOT have to get up and face the herds who will paw thru your stuff, tomorrow. But hey - at least they bought the stuff! And my neighbor S sent over two beers for us to have with lunch today - good friend and neighbor! Anyway, gotta push off and get to bed. Catch up with y'all soon!

Another quiz: What is Your Heart Feeling?

2009-03-03T12:50:00.000-06:00

Okay - I have a little bit of stuff to share, but none of it interesting. So I'll start with another quiz. This one is called --

What Is Your Heart Feeling?

My selection gave me this:

Your heart is brimming with passion, intensity, and extreme lust.
You definitely have desire for one particular person, and it seems like nothing can squelch your craving.
You are ready to walk across fire for the one you love.

Deep down, your heart is susceptible to: Distrust and aggression . You're determined to get what you want.

Your current outlook on love: Love equals obsession. Love equals mania. Love equals thirst.

Your love life will improve if you: Follow your passion far, but not so far as to ruin your life.

Watch out for: False feelings. Your emotions are intense, but they could easily mislead you.

WOW! As they said back in my day, "That's heavy!" Hmmm... extreme lust??!!

Okay - back to boring, everyday, mundane stuff.

Leroy (the wonderful painter) is making more progress on the interior painting. He got the upstairs bath FINISHED in one session (bless his heart) and today is starting on the dining room. First, he had to move the big ol' china cabinet - and to refrain the previous wording, "That's heavy (as in WEIGHT)." I do need to unpack it, but the weight is mostly from the cabinet itself.

I will be so happy to start the garage sale. I know the setup will be a major pain, but I am SO ready to see what I can sell. I have already sold (to co-workers) pots and pans, a camel-backed steamer trunk (hand painted by my late mother-in-law) and possibly some towels (college student daughter of a co-worker). Oh, and an older Seal-A-Meal, complete with lots of bags in various sizes.

Some of my neighbors have admired the new lights that have been installed outside my garage, and front door (plus there is one outside the back door, too). They are all dusk-to-dawn, plus when you approach closer to the lights, they flare brightly, as an added protection factor.

The APX Alarm person will come out on Thursday, to de-install the device that is on the back (kitchen) door. Also, I had an alarm failure on the dining room windows last night when I tried to set the alarm for the house. After talking with APX, the tech guy put it on the "to do" list for the person who will be here Thursday.

On Friday, someone from Custom Doors will take my old kitchen door and its rotted frame, out and replace it with the much nicer one that Greg and I had chosen last spring. I can hardly wait to see how it will look!

And, of course, Thursday is set-up, for the Friday and Saturday garage sale. I hope that my girlfriend D can make it here, to help me. If not - I'll take a deep breath and find a way to get some of the heavier stuff carried down the stairs and out into the garage.

I already dragged THIS down the stairs, and it was another HEAVY item. Most difficult of all was getting it into my '97 Honda Accord. But I did it all by myself - all 114 pounds of me. I am Woman, hear me roar.... yeah, I know, I really was NOT that fond of that ol' song, either. Besides, nowadays, someone would associate roaring with me being a "cougar". Nah - not really interested in those really younger men. Unless a very rich one just absolutely fell in love with me and I could NOT dissuade him...

See y'all down the road a piece.

What Girl Scout Cookie Are You?

2009-03-02T11:03:00.000-06:00

Totally uninspired am I. So... you get a blog quiz:

WHAT GIRL SCOUT COOKIE ARE YOU?

YOU ARE THIN MINTS

You are bold and brave. You dare to be different, and you are confident about who you are.
Your fearlessness has paid off. You are extremely well liked and popular.

You are charismatic and charming without even trying to be. People appreciate your unique take on life.
You are willing to take risks, speak your mind, and live life to the fullest.

anyhoo: It's a quick and easy thing to do. Give it a try! Link at What Girl Scout Cookie Are You (just above the cookie photo).

Harmonicas?

2009-02-24T11:59:00.000-06:00

In my apparently futile attempt to downsize, I have been going thru closets and cabinets, boxes and bags. Ugh. What a way to find things that you REALLY did not, do not want to, even have to deal with.

For those who did not know him: my late spouse had been in a country-western band in northen Minnesota. He was the drummer with Whiskey River for about 10 years, spanning from about 1970 to 1980. I met him after his exit from the band, when he was a worker bee, wearing a shirt and tie and no longer sporting the long-ish hair and ZZ Top-style beard. I am not sure that Mister Band Member would have been attractive to me - ever. Since his death, I have come across various things related to his days with the band, including "drum toys" such as various cymbals, etc.

This is to give basis to my latest discovery. Monday evening, I was poking around another closet upstairs. This had been somewhat simple to clear out: to the right (on the shelf above the clothing pole) is a stack of audio components. I hope that they will find favor with someone at the garage sale. But way to the left, tucked back on top of a covered carton (labeled as the aforementioned "drum toys") is a canvas tote sack. I cannot reach that from the floor, so I put that on my to-do list for another day.

I am currently precluded from using the master bath, while the painter does his thing, preparing the walls and ceiling for painting. So I run upstairs to shower each morning, then downstairs to blow-dry my hair (upstairs plug is dead - don't ask). I remembered the bag, so I dragged up the folding two-step stool with me. Put it in front of the closet and l-e-a-n-e-d way over the to left on my tip-toes and ah-ha! got hold of that canvas bag. Brought it close to me and.... WTF? Harmonicas, maybe 8 to 15 of 'em, in their original boxes. It appears that they are all Hohner brand, made in Germany. I am assuming that these are at least pre-1980. I don't know if he had been interested in playing these at one time or not. I have given up asking questions, and now figuring out what to DO with these. I looked on EBAY, and it doesn't appear that there is much demand for vintage harmonicas - if these would even be considered in that class. I'll talk with a couple of his old buddies from the musicians that I know and see what he had these for - if, in fact, he even mentioned these to them.

As Yul Brynner's character says in the King and I, "Is a puzzlement."

My new baby!

2009-02-21T20:43:00.000-06:00

Well, given my adeptness in Florida on a bike, you may find this crazy, but... I bought a bike! Being on the bike (and even falling with it) brought back my old yearning for one.

I had used a bike during my childhood and into my teens, of course. And when I got divorced in the 1980's, I bought one and used if frequently after work (this was in Minnesota, so it obviously was NOT in the winter). I'd get on that baby and bike thru city streets for 30 to 45 minutes. Great for unwinding, for clearing out the mental cobwebs - not to mention the coincidental exercise. At that time, I was in good shape and the biking probably only contributed to that. When I left the townhouse that my ex-spouse and I had shared and moved to a southern suburb of Minneapolis, I took the bike with me and continued my biking habits - this time, it was usually on weekends.

Then I re-married in 1985. We were now living in Houston (I sold the bike before we moved here) and the weather was NOT conducive to bike-riding, most of the time. I tried to find a way to exercise, but the commute and everything else was not helping that. A coupla years ago, we joined L A Fitness. I loved the place, but as the enrollment increased, the wait for the machines got worse and worse. I was really chafed at the ones who would SIT on various exercise machines and chat (or worse, be on their cell phones!) - obviously they were there more for the social stuff and not trying to use the place as it was intended. I absolutely LOVED the elliptical machines - one of the most perfect things (IMHO) that you can do for indoor exercise. But we decided to halt our membership - too many things were eventually broken, including (several times) the heater on the indoor pool. Let me tell you: an unheated pool is merely a cold indoor "lake". Bah - had ENOUGH cold lakes in my past life in Minnesota!

Anyhoo: after having the trial run in FL, I had my appetite whetted for another bike. I talked with a friend of a friend, who gave me enough pointers to go shopping with. And so I became the proud owner of a Specialized Globe Caramel (not sure where this is manufactured) model. With a Shimano 21-speed geartrain (whatever that means!), it has twist-grip gears (recommended by the friend) and is pretty light-weight - frame is aluminum (also by recommendation). They had to get a small frame for me (the medium, even with the seat lowered, was too much for my short-y legs), and the bike has 26" tires - supposedly flat-resistant. Yes, I purchased and USE a helmet. Have had it out a few times for a spin - usually about 20 - 25 minutes at a time. Just using it on the suburban side streets, so far, where I live.

Now... Here's the kicker: I had my annual visit with the cardiologist on Friday and was telling him about the bike. He questioned just WHERE I was doing my bicycling, and when I told him, he relayed this (unfortunately true) story: he knows a married couple who are both doctors, and the husband is an oncologist at M D Anderson (a well-know Houston Medical Center hospital for cancer treatment and research). He was biking in THEIR suburban area one morning. A "soccer mom" (my cardiologist's wording) was driving home from running her son to soccer practice, fell asleep at the wheel of her SUV and ran OVER this man. He is now a paraplegic. He tried to tell me to invest in a bike rack for the car and to ONLY bike on bike paths/trails. Sorry, that will NOT be happening. I want to hop on the bike and just GO. Trust me, if anything at all, I am WAY too cautious.

The good news from seeing the cardiologist: he thought everything sounded good (I have an artificial heart valve), was very satisfied with my weight, my cholesterol numbers, etc. So I got out of there easy - just grabbed my prescriptions for the upcoming year and RAN for the door. Don't know if I have ever related my experiences with the cardiology community or not. The short story is that I have an artificial heart valve as the result of (1) having had rheumatic fever when I was 9; then (2) had several other bouts of strep infections which contributed to scar tissue on my mitral valve; then (3) had some stressful health incidents (the last was an awful bout of flu in 1987) which brought up the need for the valve replacement. That was done five years later, in 1992. I think I was the youngest patient on the post-operative floor of St. Luke's here in Houston at the time of my first open-heart surgery in 1987 (not the one where the valve was replaced) - I was 39 (looking even YOUNGER than that), and boy, did I draw second glances on THAT floor - both from other patients AND their visitors!

Anyway - enough about THAT. I confess that I have not YET taken the time to get a photo of the new "baby", but I did copy (and edit) said photo from some bike shop's internet site. Whatever it takes, guys.